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@gayle1: That's a nasty situation, but you can't make other people's decisions for them, i guess.
Some of the international marriages, the type that meet via the internet or on the 3 week trips arranged by travel agencies (Find love in Russia in 3 weeks!), are indeed legit.
Many are not legit, a lot of those ones never meet and begin asking for money/gifts by mail/Western Union after they've "hooked" the victim.
Generally, the ones that do meet, if they aren't love, are "mutually beneficial." The male (usually American males) tends to have a bride of his dreams who does domestic tasks and is beautiful to him compared to what he was able to find in America. She acts adoringly to him, raises her standard of living, and is able to send money home to family...eventually, if they are married long enough, she can obtain citizenship. The wait for her family to come over to the US based on her eventual citizenship is LONG...sometimes decades for Philippines.
So while this isn't always true love, it may be beneficial to both parties. There isn't necessarily a requirement that a couple be in love to get married. And if they indeed get married for mutually beneficial reasons (and do not exchange money), and she comes to the US on a fiancee visa and marries within 90 days, it is also not illegal. If she comes here on the fiancee visa and they do not marry within 90 days, she must leave the country immediately.
I don't personally know your cousin's situation. He may indeed be taken advantage of and the girl has no further intentions with him now that they've received some items. But it may/may not be the case in the long run, only time will tell. And being "taken advantage" of may be a price he pays to also get what he wants in return - in which case, it may not be taken advantage of at all.
im wondering why does it matter to you if its a train wreck in the making? as far as the mail order bride thing, yeah there are terrible ones and there are good ones - i guess its a matter of being respectful, honesty, no abuse and forming companionship that might one day lead to love
i know a number of people that met online, one couple is a filipino woman and aussie guy (great guy btw) and they just had their first baby a few months ago - sometimes love takes longer to grow
It does seem rather risky, but somehow, I think you'll manage to get through this difficult time, and focus on things more enriching to you than your cousin's life choices.
yeah i think i will manage. It is just that it is family and therefore I do not want them to be used. I also don't want the Filipinos to be in a bad deal either.
I don't know enough about your cousin to say whether you are right or wrong in your assessment, but I can tell you that my husband and I met online and became friends before meeting in person. I knew pretty much right away that he was going to be the man I married, though it wasn't until our second "date" that we actually started talking marriage.
I guess my point is that while I can definitely be a case of them using him, it might also be a case of them just simply knowing what they wanted right away!
I have a cousin that I like to joke about marrying a "mail order bride", because he met his wife in a similar way to what you are talking about. It's now been 4-5 years since they got married and from all appearances, they love each other very much.
It's tough though, because it really depends on the people and the situation. I don't know though... if she's really trying to take advantage of him and he's really the way you describe, then it just might be the perfect match anyway!
I dont really think its any of your business. If my cousins butted into my life they would come out of it calling me a "jerk" too.
@FutureMrsMoore:I think if you only have that to say as a response then you most certainly need to get away from your computer for a minute and re-evaluate your own sense of "minding one's own business".
I have a old friend from my childhood that I just found that got married, most-likely in the spurt of the moment, in a foreign country, to a girl he's probably known for a month! I laughed ... you just have to laugh! I mean this guy's a grown man, he should know better! The girl of course, looks like Vanessa Hudgens and looks about as young! He's waiting for her visa to arrive.
It occured to me that we might just be talking about the same person, LOL! So I'll keep the details short. But really, they both know what they're getting into and should understand the consequences!
Of course there's a chance they can live happily ever after too, but even if it doesn't play out, what's done is done.
Good luck to them both!
To the people who actually had constructive responses, thank you. It is good to know from your own experience that online dating/meetings can turn out well. I do hope it all turns out well and they are happy together.
I guess "jerk" was a strong word to say about my own cousin, but he is very sexist, and proud of it.
@Vitsippa: That would be a small world, if it was the same person! LOL
Thanks, and I hope you're right! Like you say, there is a chance it will all go great, and we will be the ones in the wrong for ever questioning it!
It is his mistake to make.
But I know it is hard to watch a train wreck and do/ say nothing : (
I understand what you're talking about. I adore my sister but she is about to marry a Cuban guy she's known for 3 years simply by going on many holidays to see him. He doesn't have a job with skills he can use over here, he is much younger and has 2 kids with different women he seems happy to leave behind him. Everyone says he's a great guy but it all rings alarm bells for me. I totally understand feeling both annoyed and worried. She has also spent alot of money on gifts, flights etc and it's frightening thinking someone could just let you do that if they don't have sincere intentions but.....at the end of the day you just have to say respectfully what you think and then support it. That's the only advice I can offer!
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My male cousin met a girl in the Phillipines over the internet who he claims he met from a Christian site (but we have our doubts). They talked and he went over to the Phillipines to meet her and her family (they are impoverished), and he proposed to her.
And he was recently supposed to get married but, get this, her family thought he must be married already, since he was rushing the wedding! So they postponed it, meanwhile he and his parents have shelled out for a new washer and dryer for her and her family, a new cellphone w/service, and clothes, and food, etc.
He is a very disagreeable fellow, (read: a jerk) and loves to cause drama. Which is why I think nobody has said anything like, hey, do you THINK they could be using you for money, or to get to America?
Actually we HAVE said that, to my aunt (his mother), and how we think she and her family might be using him, but she denies it and is SO happy that he finally found a girl! (Of course this is the same woman who just got back from the Phillipines and personally bought a washer/dryer).
To me it just seems like plain old ignorance. I don't even want to get engaged until it all blows over. My cousin is the type to BRAG on and on about NOTHING and make it seem like something, so this is just another excuse for him to talk about himself. So that's another reason why we just don't get too involved in it.
Does anyone else think it is crazy? I know it's hard because you don't really know him, or how his family is, but to me it seems like a BAD idea.