Post # 1
I’ve been dating a guy consistently for 2 months. We both decided not to date other people, and he is crazy about me. For example, over the weekend he asked me to come back to his hometown with him next month. BUT- he doesn’t call me when he says he will. We’ll talk online while we’re at work, and he’ll say things like, “Okay, well I’ll probably give you a buzz tonight.” Probably?Shouldn’t he WANT to talk to me at night? Is he really THAT busy? I’ll try and distract myself, go to the gym, go to the store, and then see he hasn’t called or texted me and my stomach just drops. He’s said before that he’s not a big texter, that it shouldn’t mean anything. But isn’t the famous rule that if a guy wants to talk to you, he will? I can’t be like, “Heyyyy, umm why don’t you talk to me more???” without sounding psycho. So do I just pull back and play the game right back? I hate that he has this power over me. I know he’ll reach out today, but I can’t help feeling so sad! Are some guys just genuinely so content with their lives after work, that they don’t feel the need to reach out to the girl they’re crazy about??
This topic was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by kerplunk00.
Post # 2
from my experience if a guy is into you, you will know. there will be no question and he will follow through on what he says.
i was not a big talker/texter. i would date a guy for a few months and my mom would always ask me why i don’t talk to them on the phone. i told her i didn’t like talking on the phone….
then i met my DH and we talked to each other almost every night, sometimes hours at a time. i knew, without a doubt, that he was interested.
and not that you are doing this, but i decided i wasn’t going to play games with this one and wait for him to call me. if i wanted to talk to him and he hadn’t called me yet, i called him.
Post # 3
When I was first dating my FI, we didn’t speak at night, we lived very close to each other and usually he’d text during the day to ask me out, and we’d go out two or three nights a week. If we weren’t going out, we probably weren’t on the phone with each other on that night. I don’t think its necessarily a bad thing, he might just not be a phone guy. My FI isn’t a phone guy, he only calls me when he’s out of town.
I never had any doubt that he was really in to me though, what makes you doubt that? Is it just because you aren’t on the phone all night every night or is it something else? I was crazy about him and he was crazy about me, but we never did the talk on the phone every night thing, and I never really thought about it.
Post # 4
You need to read the book called “He’s Just Not That Into You”.. It is an amazing book, written by a guy and he would tell you, he’s just not that into you. If he wants to talk to you he will, nothing would get in the way of a woman he wants. The book is brutally honest but it is all very true. Women tend to hold on and make excuses for a guy when he gives signs… But in reality he may just not be that into you.. Check the book out! I think it would help you a lot!!
Post # 5
Maybe he’s married o
r has a gf? He can message you while you guys are at work bc she’s not around…
Post # 6
kerplunk00: Are you sure he doesn’t have another girlfriend?
This just sounds way off to me – like he’s hiding something. It’s just completely inconsistent to give you the impression that he’s crazy about you but just drop off the face of the earth in the evenings. If he was so crazy about you, he’d call you.
Have you been to his place? Met his friends?
i think you should tell him the lack of communication is concerning you and that it’s inconsistent with what he’s telling you. tell him you would just enjoy hearing from him in the evenings when you’re free to talk. At the very least, tell him to either call you when he says he will or don’t mention it.
Honestly, this just doesn’t sound good. Either he’s seeing someone else or he’s not as into you as he says.
Post # 7
When I first started talking to my FI, we couldn’t stop. Years later, his friends still joke about how annoying he was to hang out with during that time because he was nonstop texting and giggling like a school girl. I think you should be weary and trust your gut on this one. If a guys into you, you know it.. especially so early on.
Post # 8
Please read: “He’s just not that into you” AND “Why men love bitches.” I’ve gone down this road way too many times! If you guys just started dating and he’s already pulling this crap, it will get worse not better.
I even dated a guy who invited me to all of his family functions and holidays, yet refused to commit to even calling me his girlfriend. I waited (like an idiot) by the phone for him to call, and sometimes he did, sometimes he didn’t. I reeked of desparation and I’m sure he could tell! When we were together things were great, and thats what I held onto in my head. He continued to string me along for years until I finally worked up the courage to tell him it was no longer working for me. I think the fact he says he will call and then does not says a lot.
After recently breaking up with my boyfriend (different guy than above) who was WAY better about communication but still could not commit, I’m really doing some soul searching about the types of guy that I go after. Hope I don’t sound too bitter haha!
Good luck 🙂
Post # 9
kerplunk00: How often do you guys see each other?! Him not calling or texting is not a HUGE red flag, IF you guys see one another pretty often (every few days, etc). When SO (now DH) and myself first started dating, we would see each other a few times during the week, and most weekends. I was OK with not hearing from him all.the.time in between those visits, because I had a life too, and sitting on the phone with him sounded ‘boring’ to me (I am NOT a phone person!). However, it was never a question of worry or alarm, because I always knew the next plan, and/or knew a general idea of what he was doing in between, as he knew of me.
But, needing to know every single detail while it was happening would have been too much for either of us two months in, during the point we were still figuring out what ‘us’ meant. That is not for everyone, sure, but we did not like being overwhelmed either! (We got very serious at around the 5/6 month mark where we started discussing more future things, where we were together a lot, if not, all the time!).
With that said, there was calmness with him and a trust from the beginning. I knew he was a great guy, I had no worries when he did not call me (if he said he would) that he was not that into me, or out cheating, or living a double life. That is kind of what set him apart. I think your ‘worry’ is more alarming than maybe his behaviors, because I think the gut instinct is a powerful thing, so you may be worrying for a reason…just have not figured it out!!! Whereas, I never did…if this makes sense!
Post # 10
If he insisted only on talking to you from work, then I’d be suspicious. But it just kind of sounds like he’s not that big into phone/text talk, at least at this stage in your relationship. You’ve only been dating for two months–it sounds like he might see this as a more casual relationship than you do.
Post # 11
kerplunk00: If a man never, ever calls or texts at night, I’d be concerned that he was married or had a live in girlfriend.
As others have said, if a guy wants to be in touch with you, he will. If he cares, you won’t ever have to wonder.
He says “probably”?? Good grief. I’d next this guy, and fast.
Post # 12
kerplunk00: Honestly, I hate talking on the phone – I don’t even really like talking on the phone with FI when we’re not together. I might call him to check in or say goodnight, but that’s it. I’ll call someone if I have something specific I need to know or to tell them, but I never call people just to chat (except my mom). Maybe he’s just like that? If it’s bothering you so much, why don’t you just call him first?
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church
kerplunk00: I would say it definitely sounds like something is off. That’s my first instinct. However, just to throw it out there, my brother said that sometimes in a relationship, he would pull back a little just to see how into it the girl was. If she didn’t seem to put forth much effort and show that she wanted it, he probably would cut his losses. He says that it’s not necessarily true that if a guy wants to talk to you, he will.
Like I said though, my gut reaction is that something is not right.
Post # 14
This relationship is already a big fat no. Your first two months you should be chatting and seeing each other all the time, it never gets more exciting than those first months. I’d cut him loose and find someone that can’t wait to see you and talk to you!
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May
He’s with someone else. Your just the standby chick.