Post # 1
My SO has been pestering me for the past year about what I want out of my college career, and my response is always that I want to be a Geologist. Aparantly that is not good enough as he’s constantly wanting me to specifically pick out the job in the field that I was – and as far as I’m concerned it’s not something I feel informed enough about to make a choice about yet- especially as he’s not made a commitment to me yet.
There are so many fields, and they all seem so awesome to me – then of course he’s always making me constantly question if I should even stay in this major seeing as I’m a little slow on the math – something that I can now get more help with as I’ve recently discovered I have a learning disability.
Today he called again, and once again he’s making me question my choice of career, and I feel really upset that he’s making me question my choice. Yes I get that he wants me to choose something to play to my strengths – but I love the field of Geology and I feel like my choice doesn’t even matter any more. Heck I’ve already changed my major once because he made me question if I would be any good in it.
Ultimately I feel like nothing I do is good enough, that he’ll always question my life choices, and that I have to make this huge life choice when I don’t even know what state our relationship will be in by the end of the year.
Post # 3
Its not right that he makes you feel this way. If you *really want to be a Geologist, then go for your dream, and don’t let him stand in your way.
I should listen to my own advice though, as I am in a similar situation.
Post # 4
You can be whatever the hell you want to be, ESPECIALLY if this man hasn’t made any sort of committment to you.
And a man that loves you, while he may not always agree with you, he will support your decisions that make you happy (as long as they are not destructive to your health and well being).
You need to consider if you really want to be with a man that undermines your choices and questions make your ability to make adult decisions.
Post # 5
Part of me is wondering if this is all about his new bosses, because he’s only started becoming more pushy about it since starting this new job of his. Every time it’s brought up it’s ‘oh —- said this’ or something simular before he talks about how he feels about it all.
I have to agree with you both that if he loved me he would support me regardless of what the job market for my career is, sure I might not get it at first – but at least I will have the education to get some kind of job in the mean time.
There are a lot of choices that I need to make, and right now I’m not sure where to go with any of them. Sure I would love to finish and get my degree, but his pestering is starting to put me off college.
Post # 6
@Rananteriel: Follow your dream! I had an extremely difficult time with math and now I’m a senior accountant! You can do it. It sounds like your SO is insecure and bringing you down. Stay strong and be whatever you want to be.
Post # 7
You need to do what makes you happy especially in your career. If you don’t, this will haunt you back sooner or later and I’ve seen people go through this. If you love what you do, it will not feel so much like work..just a little bit 🙂
As for your SO, yes I agree that he should support you but at the same time, try to find out where this negative behavior is coming from. Is there anything going on with his life that’s bringing him down? Talk to him about how you feel about his behavior when you are in a better mood. And give him the benefit of an explanation from his end. Then see how things go from there.
Post # 8
It sounds like he isn’t being supportive of you and doesn’t understand where you are coming from. That is tought to deal with, have you told him how you feel?
Post # 9
Go ahead and become a geologist! You’ll be happy and it’ll show in the relationship, if you don’t follow your dream, you’ll be miserable and both of you won’t be happy. Make yourself happy first…
Post # 10
I have faith in myself, I am doing much better in math with the extra help I am getting, and thus have no fear about my future abilities. Sure I might not know it that well now, but that’s the whole point of going to college is it now – to lean and improve.
I kinda have a feeling about where it is coming from, part of me feels like it’s coming from his high flying bosses that have a list of things that need to be ticked off before they approve me as wifely material – or at least it feels that way. I tried talking to him the day after once I’d calmed down, but it seemed like he was in no mood to listen to my point of view on the matter at all.
I’ve not told him that his words are under mining my confidence yet – I’m waiting until we can have a face-to-face chat about it as talking on the cell is not a good thing with my audio-dyslexia.
You bet I will, I lived half my life trying to make other people happy and am now fully intent on doing stuff that makes me happy.
Post # 11
About the math issue, a little history on me if you care to read… I used to hate math in school and highschool, I failed math in grade 9 and got 70% in summer school. (studying for 4 weeks was a lot easier than the whole school year!) But the rest of the years I got between 50-55 % WHY? Because I hated it. didn’t think it would matter if I knew algebra or divide 1000 into 63 or 63 into 1000 who cares about that, was my attitude… My mom even hired a tutor to come into my home to teach me but nothing worked. LOL
After highschool and a baby I thought hey, I need a calculator to do the simplest math additions and substractions and multiplications that everyone else can do in their heads! That’s sad. So I made up my mind and bought a whole bunch of children’s math books and did them and I wrote out the multiplications table and learned it by heart! After that, I knew that I could set my mind to whatever I wanted to do in life.