Post # 1
Some of you may have read my previous post about the falling out I had with my Best friend/Bmaid of 20 years and I appreciated the feedback. For those that hadn’t, in a nutshell, my best friend freaked out on me because I didn’t make her my MOH. I instead bestowed the title on my deceased sister (something BF knew I would be doing since pretty much the day my sister passed). She basically told me she was really hurt that even though she had always been there for me, I was making her the same “rank” as the other bridesmaids. She cried and ranted and my decision was going to confuse everyone and she had only been doing some of the wedding stuff out of obligation, but since she was not going to be MOH she wouldn’t have done those things.
Anyway, this happened over a week ago. She texted me the day before Thanksgiving asking me if I was going to be alone (I’m a single Mom with no local family), I told her no, and she said “Ok, just checking”. Well I had had enough of waiting around (mostly expecting any apology) so I tried to call her-she didnt answer-so I texted her saying if she wanted to clear the air, to call me back. I know she go the text (4 days ago) and I haven’t heard a peep out of her.
How she acted caught me completely off guard and shocked me to the core. As every day passes, it hurts worse because I have been expecting her to apologize. I don’t think our friendship will ever be the same. This falling out, couple with other drama and issues is causing FI and I to drastically reconsider our wedding plans in favor of something much smaller and simpler-perhaps with no wedding party whatsoever.
I don’t know if our friendship is over, I am not sure if I should ask her to step down as a BM. Since I already asked her to call me back, and she hasn’t-do I just leave her alone? I have no idea what she is thinking, and I feel a little stuck right now about ditching the big wedding and wedding party partly bc I don’t know where we stand.
Post # 2
LB2015MB: It’s been two days, over a major holiday weekend in the US, I suggest you relax and wait and see what happens. She has shown that she cares about you (checking to make sure you were not alone). Cut her some slack and assume that she too may have been otherwise occupied with Thanksgiving.
Post # 3
Are you or your fiancé having troubles with any of the other members of the bridal party? Are there any big problems with the other aspects of the wedding? If not, I see no reason to change your whole wedding.
It would be sad if this one falling out caused the whole wedding to change. Your friend behaved rudely, if what you say is true, but that’s all on her, not you. You chose your other bridal party members for a reason, and removing all of them from the wedding because of this one person’s selfishness isn’t necessary. The same goes for the kind of wedding you’re having; you chose it for a reason, and there’s no sense in letting her actions change your plans. She’s one person. One person, who isn’t even the bride or the groom, shouldn’t be allowed to affect a wedding so much, not in such a negative way.
All of this happened recently, so I think waiting a bit longer and letting the dust settle would be a good thing to do. I also think holding off on making any changes to the bridal party or wedding would be a good idea.
Post # 4
I think she’s an ass for not understanding why your sis has the MOH title. Personally, I wouldnt reach out to her. She needs to be the one to apologize for this one.
Post # 5
She checked up on you and wanted to make sure you didn’t spend the Holidays alone. despite your fight she is demonstrating that she still cares about your well-being.
Post # 6
She is way out of order for expecting to be given the MOH title, especially as you have given that to honour to your sister, and she should understand that. Wait for her to get back to you, you’ve done all the chasing and nothing wrong. You’ve got a while to go until the wedding, wait until you hear back from her. If you don’t, perhaps its worth inviting her round for a cup of tea and having an open and honest chat. If she still cant accept why she isn’t MOH, think about asking her to step down. If you do this however, bear in mind that your friendship is likely to be over, but more than that, do you really want her at your wedding when things are so tense? Maybe ask her not to come to the whole thing.