- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
Me and my SO had an awesome week last week, an awesome weekend together, and last night after he went to sleep…I thought about life without him and had a good cry.
I think my emotions are high because we’re coming up on the end of our timeline in 3 months, and if you didn’t read my previous post, he just recently told me he has some debt to handle (that will probably push our timeline back). We’re also coming up on some big milestones…like May will be a year of us living together, he’ll be graduating from school in June, we’ll be going to his cousin’s wedding in DR in July for which he’s the best man, and August will be our 3-year anniversary.
When we moved in together last May, we agreed to be engaged within a year. While I was hoping it would be before a year, it’s apparent that he is taking the entire year to make the move. I’m fine with that, but what I’m not fine with is him taking any longer. When we met we talked about marriage and what we expected out of a relationship, and he knew early on I wanted to be married and have children. Back then neither of us knew we would hit it off so well and fall in love. He was the first one and has been the primary one to bring up marriage and kids constantly over the course of our relationship….and still does.
I feel like he’s had plenty of time to prepare, and has talked about proposing enough that he should be ready when he said he would be. And he still says he will be, but my intuition is telling me otherwise. I guess I’m just getting sad because I trusted him, and I trust him extra because he always reassures me. But I have doubts. And I feel that I am going to have to do what I said I would do and live separately if a year of living together comes and goes.
I actually don’t plan to bring up living separately at exactly the year mark. I think that would be harsh. I am going to wait until after June when he finishes school, and probably after the wedding in July (in case he wants to propose on the trip, which he’s hinted at before). Then we will be at August, which is our 3-year anniversary. I hate to wait for the anniversary, but I’m trying to be reasonable and not such a prude by giving him a little wiggle room, knowing that he has a lot going on…we both do!
I guess my inability to control the outcome of this is really getting to me. And I get so sad thinking that he may get cold feet about proposing, or that he hasn’t been taking this seriously, and that we won’t end up together. At first I told myself if he doesn’t propose by May I would just tell him I don’t think we should live together anymore, but we can still work on the relationship. But if I give him until August, I think I will just break it off. Especially since I’m being so flexible with the timeline. I’ve already made up my mind, and that is such a hard thing to say because I love him and I can’t envision my future with anyone else. But I really want to be strong about this because it’s important to me. And unfortunately he is the type that needs something drastic to happen before he takes action. So my last hope would be to walk away so that he’ll realize what he’s losing. And if he doesn’t, that means it’s time for me to move on anyway.
In a way I feel like I’m being overly dramatic, and that I’m not trusting him enough to do what he says. But I take his words seriously and I just know I’ll be crushed if he doesn’t keep them.
Thanks for letting me sulk 🙂