(Closed) Had a good cry…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Good luck, keep us posted.

Post # 4
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It is tough when you feel like you can’t trust him. If you feel like leaving is the way then you need to follow your heart. JUst enjoy the relationship and maybe he will come through. 

Post # 5
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

I think that you should really cut your guy a little bit of slack.  If he’s just finishing school and trying to pay down debt, he probably doesn’t have a lot of cash flow. I think that it’s great that you had set a timeline and have expectations… but life changes.  Have you ever heard of the phrase “Man plans, God laughs.”  I think it translates into a lot of these areas you’re struggling with. 

What I would suggest is talking to your boyfriend NOW.  Tell him how you’re feeling, and remind him of the initial timeline you two set.  I would then ask him whether he is planning on holding up his end of the deal, and proposing by May.  I think you need to ask him if he wants to re-evaluate the timeline, and if so, why.  There are a lot of things that can happen in a year that may force him to push back the deadline.  You know, he may not even REALIZE you have a timeline.  He may have just thought “oh yeah, a year. we’ll be engaged.”  and now that the year has come, he may be like “oh shit, its been a year!”.  Guys really can be like that.  It’s going to make you feel a lot better if you talk to him about this.

If his delayed proposal is a factor of cost… have you considered helping pay for your ring?  Have you considered moissanite? Have you considered getting engaged without a ring?

Also, I think you need to consider your statements: if he didn’t propose by the end of August, you’d be breaking it off.  Consider this:  If he proposed August 31st, you’d be with him.  If he proposed Sept 2nd, you would have broken it off Sept 1st.  I don’t see how your feelings about wanting to marry someone can change so drastically within a few days like that. Also, about him moving out.  I’m not sure since I’m a girl… but if I was a guy, saving up for a ring… and my girlfriend kicked me out before I had a chance to buy it, I’d be pretty pissed and wouldn’t get back together with her or work on the relationship.  I get that you’re trying to use that as motivation for him… essentially saying, we made a deal… you broke it…. but it’s really pretty heartless.  I mean, if you’d been together 8 years and no ring despite promises, I’d understand.  But you have been together about 2.5 years.  

I know its hard to NOT focus on getting engaged – but your post seems like you just want a wedding/marriage, and not really to be WITH this guy.  I think that you do love this guy, but you’re letting your expectations and timelines get in the way of your relationship.  

All in all – I’d talk to your boyfriend.  Talk about your guys’ timeline… whether it needs to be revised.  Tell him how you’re feeling.  Ask him how he feels about the whole moving out thing if the 1 year timeline thing isn’t met. 


Post # 6
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I totally understand your situation.  My SO stated he would be proposing a few months into 2012.  While I don’t know what he has planned he has reassured me that he is sticking to the plan and that he has it all planned as a surprise.  It is difficult trusting his word because I can’t see any plans or actions right now.  

Last month was really difficult and I was feeling just like you are now and had set a time of our anniversary in July as the end date for me.  If he hasn’t proposed by then I am afraid I will have to take action of moving on.  After posting a thread on the Bee many of the ladies helped me focus on calming down and letting him have the time he  said it would take.  It is hard, but I have to trust him now because technically he hasnt broken any promises yet.  I’m focusing on the excitement that is yet to come this year of getting engaged and beginning to plan a wedding with him.

Hope you feel better 😉

Post # 8
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

@Reign14:  I know what you mean about feeling let down, like he is choosing not to meet the deadline he’s set for himself and instead racked up debt and extended his schooling. 

I think its great you guys have talked about alternatives like moissanite etc.  But, I think he may be a little more receptive to the idea if you told him that you were considering moving on if the relationship didn’t move to engagement within your specified time period. 

What do you think the main motivation is for him delaying it?  Like you said, he wouldn’t have remembered if you hadn’t brought it up about the year thing.  Do you think its cash?  Or do you think he has cold feet?  Ask yourself that honestly.  Your gut will tell you the answer. 

If it’s cash… then I’d either tell him moissanite is the only way (aka you get engaged as soon as he can save up ~1,000 for a moissy ring), or buy your own diamond ring.  Or… recognize that he needs more time to save up the cash, and cut him a break.  Push back your deadline as much as it sucks. 

If it’s cold feet… then I wouldn’t stay in the relationship. 

Trust your gut.

Post # 9
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I just wanted to second everything Miss Eagle has already said. Deep down, I’m sure you know his true reasons for postponing the engagement. If he has cold feet, after all this time, maybe it’s time for you to move on, or at the very least try to start a dialogue with him to find out where he is emotionally. Men sometimes have to really be goaded into revealing their emotions and there might be some underlying issues he is holding back. Let’s be real, for a lot of people the prospect of marriage is scary, even if you are in love with your partner. People sometimes fear change and he might be sabotaging your timeline not because he doesn’t love you, but because he is scared of the ultimate commitment. 

For your sake, I hope this is simply a money issue. As my dad always says, those are the best kind because they are the easiest to fix. Problems that can’t be fixed with money are the ones you need to worry about. 

Post # 12
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

@Reign14:  I’m pretty sure he just wants to do it right, and get you the best ring he can.  He seems like he’s just trying to get his shit in order, and make sure he can provide for a wife, before trying to get a wife.  Some guys can be hella old school in that respect. 

Good luck to you, I’m sure everything will turn out exactly how its supposed to.

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