Had a huge fight with my husband…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@Bellagiobride:  You poor thing. Everyone has crazy fights at some stage and it sounds like you want to resolve it so I’m sure it will be fine. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

sounds like you both need to have something in your life that helps you deal with pressure…we all get stressed out & need to change our focus sometimes. When you feel like things are going to explode you need to go do something else…take a walk…go to your room and listen to some music…anything to diffuse the situation….Also, it sounds like things were building up to this big explosion, so try not to let things keep building up: Something I have learned over the years is to PICK YOUR BATTLES…if it isnt really worth falling out about then forget about it and do not bring it up later…If, however, it is something you feel strongly about deal with it at the time. Otherwise things compound and then you end up with a big fight. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Bellagiobride:  I’m sorry you had to experience that. I hope you two are able to resolve things and continue on with a better week.

Post # 6
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you should start thinking about how you got there.  You keep saying you don’t know how you got there, but normal fights don’t involve so much anger.  Sounds like you need to figure out what the underlying issue is.  Good luck

Post # 7
Member
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Goodness that sound really destructive and scary! Hope things get better and neither of you loses your cool like that again. Hugs. 

Post # 8
Member
809 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

maybe have SOMEthing meant for him to break, so he can redirect his need for destruction in a healthier way? or does he have to break *your* things to calm down?

a punching bag, cardboard boxes to stomp on, maybe even cheap children’s electronics. anything.

Post # 9
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsTVLover:  +1

@Bellagiobride:  I agree, OP: I dont see how you have 8 wonderful years of marriage and, *boom*, suddenly a fight so severe you start trashing eachothers stuff. There is definitely more going on here that has been building up.

Post # 11
Member
2973 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsTVLover:  I was thinking the same thing. 

@Bellagiobride: The fact that you possibly blacked out during this argument is not healthy. No one should be breaking things in a heated discussion. Ever. 

I remember the first time FH and I fought (didn’t really fight, he was sleepy/hungry/grumpy and I was teasing him too much) and he yelled at me and slammed his contact solution bottle on the sink which caused the toothbrushes to shake and fall, and it all got really loud and I just stood there frozen. As he walked away in anger, I shut the bathroom door and cried my eyes out in there. Needless to say I grabbed my phone and went to sleep on the couch. This was the first ever situation like this in our 5 year relationship. I forgave him because he apologized the whole night and the whole next day, and bought me 2 bouquets of flowers. I made it very clear to him that if this ever happens again, I am out because I don’t kid around with this sh:t. It is alarming to me that you say this isn’t the first time he does this in anger. 

Please go to counseling and discuss your inner feelings because something is not right. Good luck. 

 

Post # 13
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Bellagiobride:  I’m so sorry you had to experience that. It sounds like it was so scary. Buying a house can be hell. I know, I’ve experienced trying to purchase to different foreclosures and they both fell through. In the end I said to hell with it and got a regular listed home. I hope you two can get back to your happy place. *hugs*

Post # 14
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Bellagiobride:  I’m sorry honey, fighting isn’t always easy, but it is part of being married….if I were you, I’d run to the thrift store, buy a cart load of the ugliest, cheapest, most hideous chintsy knick knacks I could find….I’m talking about bunnies, and birds, and snow globes and plates with Elvis on them and a baseball bat….

Your man likes to break things, it makes him feel better…OK…there’s worse things on this Earth, how about we break some shit that NEEDS to be broken?

Set up the Break Room someplace and put a bow on the door….and give it to your husband….he’ll feel understood and your shit can still be in tact.

Post # 15
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Bellagiobride:  That’s what I’m saying: this appears to be *far* outside the norm for you, so what could be causing such polar opposite behavior? Is there something that might be on his mind you don’t know about? Work stress?

Post # 16
Member
9220 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Bellagiobride:  ((HUGS))  I’m so very, very sorry you’re hurting.  It sounds as though you’re both under a lot of stress and both reacted very badly.  Your husband definitely needs to get a grip on his temper, though.  Breaking things – any things – in anger is WRONG and not acceptable on any level.  It’s an immature and destructive way to handle his anger.

You can get past this, though.  You need to talk with him, calmly, and let him know that while you understand his overload of stress and frustration, and that your argument got out of hand, you can’t let it ever get to that level again. 

The thing is – we need to remember this, as women – we get into an argument with a man and we usually expect that things will be resolved.  We vent our emotions.  However, sometimes something will trigger a man’s testosterone-driven ego beyond the point of rationality and it sounds like your husband hit that point.  It’s not unsolvable.  But it does need to be addressed – with respect, love, understanding and compassion.  Your husband is not a bad person for doing what he did.  He’s a normal man but he’s a man who needs to never let something like that be ok with himself ever again.

Let him know you understand and forgive what he did but that you will never, ever, under any circumstances again accept any inkling of violent behavior.  Appeal to his protectiveness and love for you by letting him know his actions SCARED you.

You can get past this.  Hang in there, hon.

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