Had a legal ceremony for insurance, and still want wedding that is planned

posted 3 years ago in Parties
  • poll: would you have shower
    have shower and bach party : (32 votes)
    32 %
    not a single one : (45 votes)
    45 %
    have only bridal shower with those that are special to celebrate bocoming a MRS. : (22 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    1793 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I do feel that since you are now married you need to forego the bachelorette party and the shower.

    Post # 5
    Member
    413 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Muckenthaler Cultural Center

    I say have both! My friend also had to get legally married for insurance reasons and we still threw her a bachelorette and shower! 

    Post # 6
    Member
    4043 posts
    Honey bee

    Hmm….I think it would be fine to have a bridal shower with family and close friends, IF, someone offers to host one for you. Yes, you are legally married and you will be having a vow renewal, but that doesn’t change that it’s your first marriage. If your family sees nothing wrong with it, then go for it! (though I wouldn’t recommend ask/pushing to have one).

    ETA: Didn’t comment before on the bachelorette party…if you want to have one, why not? Maybe not call it that, maybe call it that. Do whatever you want 🙂

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    You are already married, so you shouldn’t have any traditional pre-wedding activities. Also, you should make sure that everyone knows that your celebration in March is NOT a wedding, but a celebration of your marriage. You aren’t a bride, you are a wife. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    You made the choice to get married early so there are things you have to give up. Any pre-wedding events (because the wedding already happened, you aren’t a bride any more you are a wife) should really not take place. If someone offers to host a shower that is ok.

    You can still have your reception as previously planned, but don’t have a ceremony because it would be a fake one since you are already married. Inform all your guests it is a reception/marriage celebration and not a wedding.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1464 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Enjoy being a bride. People on the bee tend to be EXTREMELY judgmental about this sort of thing, especially those who haven’t had to face the sort of issues that can cause this (health/ insurance issues, immigration, different cultures etc).Remember that in a lot of countries and cultures you legally MUST separate these things. My Japanese friend’s weddings are no less valid than an American wedding because they get the legal paperwork done spearately from their weddings.

    I see no reason why you deserve less than other brides because the insurance system tied your hands. Facing a difficult situation doesn’t mean you deserve to be punished by losing out on part of your wedding.

    Enjoy your big day, have it as you wish. Enjoy the parties and cereminies that come with being a bride.

    Post # 10
    Member
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Hold it however you want to hold it. For some reason people on the Bee tend to be pretty hostile to having a second “proper” wedding ceremony when you need to have a no-frills legal marriage first for some reason (insurance, military, visas, etc.). Ignore them, it is actually really common these days. As long as you are honest about it, it is nobody else’s business what you choose to do with your wedding. If someone has a problem with it, too bad – they don’t have to come and you are not obliged to invite them.

    As far as the pre-parties go, if someone offers to throw one for you, then great. Otherwise I would just skip them. Then again, I would probably say the same thing to a ‘standard’ couple getting married!

    Post # 11
    Member
    2731 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

    We are doing the same we are having a “Celebration Wedding” same reason as yours. However everyone knows we are already married, everyone is 100% ok with this. I have major chronic health issues that had to be covered. We are forgoing the following: registry, showers, bachlorette/bachelor parties. All of these things we did not really want to do anyway. The celebration wedding is a way for us to do our vows and celebrate with our families the joining of two families. We dont need more stuff, or more parties.

    Post # 12
    Member
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @farawayviolet:  +1!

    This happens way more frequently than I think some people realize, and people can be very judgmental about situations they can’t always relate to. Do what you please.  If your family/friends want to throw you a shower/bach party then go for it! Know that some people will not agree with it, but if your close family & friends are accepting, that’s really all that matters. If you’d rather scale it down due to the circumstances that’s fine too! 

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @farawayviolet:  Word. I have no idea why people need to be so judgemental just because someone was put in a difficult situation and is trying to deal with it as best they can. I mean really -“You don’t get to be a bride or have a nice wedding day just because your fiance got sick and needed hospital treatment/you got posted overseas unexpectedly/the laws of your country handle weddings differently!”? So rude.

    Post # 14
    Member
    6273 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I would think the only thing you really ought to not have is the bachelorette party. If you still want to do a spa day or a luncheon instead to spend time with the ladies in your iife, that would be fine, but since a bachelorette is to celebrate your “last night of freedom”, i think it would be a little weird to have one now.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    571 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @techheather:  We were in a similar situation…the big ceremony and reception was planned, dress bought, invitations sent etc then we hit a hurdle with immigration issues and had to arrange a civil ceremony with one week’s notice. In the end, it was fun! I took a half day at work and told my whole lab to join us at the pub afterwards 😛 We still had the “real” ceremony and reception some months later with family, traditional tea ceremony and all. Most people knew, and no one batted an eye. The only place I’ve ever encountered hostility/lack of understanding towards this has been here on the Bee. The way I see it, the first “wedding” was for the state, and the second was for us.

    Even if we hadn’t had to do the civil ceremony beforehand, I would not have wanted a bridal shower, but my sister insisted on organizing a bachelorette. It was just a girls night out really. My bridesmaids took me to get my nails done and then we went to a wine bar with a bunch of friends.  I say if your friends want to throw a shower/bachelorette for you, go ahead! Like  @Arrowchan:  said, I would say the same for anyone getting married.

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    2731 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

    @TeeVee:  

    @techheather:  

    What TeeVee said this is much more common than people realise. My best friend had this situation, I have this situation, and another friend of mine had it too. We even pushed out the celebration wedding by 6 extra months to accomodate a bigger party and everyone is still excited. As stated we are making this about our guests and a party that we would have wanted anyway. We arent concerned with gifts etc we just want to get our family and friends together since it may never happen again. We also feel our marraige is something to celebrate since we didnt have a real wedding before and our prior marraiges were not good. We’ve gone through a lot together.

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