Had a miscarriage on wednesday, please help

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Oh my goodness I am so SO very sorry.  I have no words of wisdom, but I just wanted to send you big hugs.  I’m so sorry you are going through this.  Take the time you need to grieve.  I know the next time around will work out for you.  Don’t lose hope.

xo

Post # 3
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m so so sorry you’re dealing with this.  It’s awful, it really is, and unfortunately there isn’t a lot to do except let yourself grieve, let your husband help you and comfort you, and know that it wasn’t your fault.  There are a million reasons why babies don’t stick, and most of them are out of our control. 

The only advice I have is to try to pick up, keep going, and get back into life.  Put the ultrasound picture somewhere where you can look at it and remember your little one when you’re ready to do that.  Not that it’s a comfort now, since if you’re at all like me, you just want the baby you had to come back, but there will be more and you will move past this.  Just give it time and be gentle with yourself.  No matter how early, it’s still a loss and it takes time to grieve and move through it.  Lots of hugs ;(

Post # 4
Member
204 posts
Helper bee

I am so sorry you are going through this. My advice to you is to let yourself grieve. You just lost someone you loved. This is not in any way your fault, miscarriage is common. It might not be comforting right now but miscarriage usually happens when the baby is not compatible with life. There was nothing you could’ve done.

 Like with any type of grief you will get back to normal. I miscarried a year and a half ago and I still sometimes feel sad about it. I think I will feel that loss for the rest of my ife, but I am living pretty contentedly. Life goes on. You are alowed to be sad now, if you still feel his way in a few weeks you may want to talk to a therapist or find a pregnancy loss support group near you. For the time being just allow yourself to grieve.

Post # 5
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Don’t blame yourself. I have never been pregnant before but it seems that, based only on what you have written, you were doing things pretty much the way you were supposed to be. I can only image how heartbroken you are and i am so sorry you are going though this.

I am a very religous and spiritual person so I believe God is testing you to see how you come back from this challenge and this is to build your strength. I know it doesnt seem like it now but something of value will come of this.

If you would like there is a really inspirational radio station that I love listening to especially when I am having a difficuly time in my life. Its called K-Love. Their slogan is Positve, Encoraging K-Love. I believe the uplifting songs and positve stories would be helpful in this difficult time in your life. Just try listening to the station for a week or a month and see if it helps klove.com They have stations all across the contry.

Good Luck and try not to blame yourself. God Bless

Post # 6
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am so sorry for your loss.  Let yourself grieve however you need to and don’t be afraid to reach out for support to those you love and trust.  It’s not your fault and there’s nothing you could have done to prevent it from happening.  Keeping you in my thoughts.

Post # 7
Member
2003 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

cherriesandcream:  I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My heart hurts for you. I MC at 6 weeks in June and the guilt and failure you feel is normal. We feel like it’s our fault when in reality the baby probably wasn’t going to be viable with life so the body took care of it. There is a group on here called TTC After Miscarriage and the bees there all know what you’re feeling. My MC was my first pregnancy too…and it’s not how you expect your first pregnancy to go. You go from being naive and blissfully happy to jaded and angry. Please feel free to join us there and take care of yourself this weekend. Let yourself grieve, cry it out, nap, and cry some more. It’s a painful process both physically and mentally so let yourself wallow in it while it’s fresh and get it out. Your baby was, it was real, and it deserves to be grieved for. Share your sadness with your husband and if you have any close family or friends feel free to grieve with them, even if they didn’t know you were pregnant yet, they will comfort you in your sorrow. Again, so so sorry you lost your little one, but they will always have a special place in your heart.

Post # 8
Member
4147 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My heart dropped as soon as I read the title.  I’m so so so sorry.  I miscarried at 7 weeks last summer and I agree with you, it was the most mentally and physically painful thing that has happened to me.  It’s been 14 months, and I am still dealing with the emotions.  Please give yourself as much time as you need to grieve. 

First of all, it’s NOT your fault.  Please remember that.  When I was getting all my tests done after it happened, my husband was so scared that he had caused it to happen (we were flying home the day before and he passed out on the airplane and EMS rushed him to the hospital as soon as we landed, so we spent the night at the hospital.  I had already been spotting for a week before though, so it wasn’t likely the stress caused it.)  He asked the doctor if there was something we could have done, and he had NO idea it was so common. 

My best advice is to just take the time you need to heal.  I promise it gets easier, but I know how much you’re hurting right now. 

Big hugs sweetie…I’m so sorry.

Post # 9
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

cherriesandcream:  I almost cried while reading this. I am so sorry for your loss. Take the time you need to grieve but just remember it is not your fault. Big hugs for you.

Post # 10
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am so sorry for the loss of your child. My heart grieves for you.

Post # 11
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I had a miscarriage last month (first pregnancy) and I know you’ll probably get tired of hearing this, but I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, had an ultrasound where everything seemed fine. I heard the heartbeat and got pictures. Two weeks later, just shy of 9 weeks, I found out my baby’s heart had stopped the day after that wonderful ultrasound. I started to miscarry naturally and ended up needing a D&C after hemorraghing. It was a horrific experience.

I’m still grieving so I can’t offer much advice except to take time for yourself. I don’t know what your work situation is, but I had to take several weeks off- not just for the physical aspect, but I felt I needed time to grieve. I also read up on the subject a lot and learned how normal it is. I frequent the TTC After Miscarriage boards on here (even though I am not emotionally ready to TTC yet) and I’ve found it so helpful to talk to others who have been through this.

Also, please don’t blame yourself. Unfortunately this is common. I still have days where I blame myself and my husband hates when I do that because it’s just piling guilt on top of everything- guilt that should not be there. You didn’t do this. Chances are that your body recognized this pregnancy wasn’t meant to be and that’s why this happened. It’s better it happened now, then months from now you find out your baby has some kind of terminal illness. Just tell yourself it’s common and it can happen to the healthiest, most cautious women. It is not necessarily an indicator of any issues.

Please talk when you need to, be sad when you need to, and laugh when you can. Do whatever comes naturally. Don’t stuff your emotions inside. I cried everyday for four weeks, and I still cry every couple of days. But I know there will be life after this. And when I’m ready to try again, I will eventually hold a healthy baby in my arms. Sending hugs and prayers to you!

Post # 12
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I miscarried my first pregnancy in July. I thought I had made it to 10 weeks but the baby had stopped growing at 6. Nothing prepared me for for the pain. Just like you said, it’s horrifically painful both physically and emotionally. 

I found that once my hormones returned to normal (about a month after my miscarriage), I no longer felt completely miserable every second of every day. And I cried less too. I still cry once in awhile when I think about it, but the first month was truly the worst.

i strongly recommend taking some time off of work if you can. I took a week where I slept all day long on a heating pad and cried every minute when I was awake. It was what I needed. Eventually, I felt like leaving the house and slowly resuming my life. 

The hardest is trying to put on a brave face when no one else knows the suffering you’re going through in silence. It WILL get better, I promise. But the memory sticks around. im so sorry.

Post # 13
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am so, so, sorry. My first pregnancy ended in an MC in May, and it was without a doubt one of the most difficult things I’ve dealt with. I don’t have a lot of advice beyond what other bees have said, but 100% agree that you need to give yourself time to mourn your loss. This will always be a part of you now, but you will feel better. The TTC after MC thread on her is so wonderfully supportive, I reccomend it even if you’re not ready to think about TTC again yet. I also really suggest telling some close friends about this—so many people grieve these types of losses in privacy because we feel ashamed (even though it is *not your fault* at all), but I think that makes the pain worse. It still helps me to talk about my MC to my family, because I don’t like to pretend it didn’t happen. I lost a baby that I love, and that will always matter to me. I also found the following websites helpful, just in terms of validating my feelings and making me feel less alone. Sending you lots of support and hugs.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/10/finding-hope-after-miscarriage/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=2

http://momstownedmonton.blogspot.ca/2011/07/baby-is-baby-no-matter-how-small.html?m=1

Post # 14
Member
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i’m so sorry for your loss. i lost my baby (first pregnancy) at almost 9 weeks earlier this year. it’s been almost 7 months and it still hurts. my due date was next month, so that’s been weighing heavy on my mind lately too.

take all the time you need to grieve. there’s no right or wrong way to handle it. i kept to myself for over a month afterwards. aside from close family, i didn’t really feel like seeing anyone. you’re going to have good days and bad days, and it’s ok to “take a break” from grieving if you want. my husband’s birthday was a week after our miscarriage and we went out for dinner and movie. neither of us was feeling particularly festive, but it was nice for us to be out and it helped take our mind of everything for a little while.

don’t be afraid or embarrassed to talk about it. of course it will be really hard in the beginning, but as time passes it will get a little bit easier. more recently, i’ve started talking about it more. when someone asks me if i have any kids, i will say no, but explain that we lost one and we’re hoping to try again.

i’m so sorry and i’m keeping you in my thoughts.

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