Post # 1
Today began as such a fun day. Was tailgaiting with my husband and all our mutual friends, gearing up for a college football game. A couple hours in, a friend of his starts talking about how he ‘married up’ when he married his wife. He then went on to ‘joke’ about how hubby ‘married down,’ if our other friend marries his gf he will be ‘marrying up,’ etc. I’m not even really sure what he meant, but I was so upset. Mr. Cupcake tried to calm me down, telling me all that matters was that he loves me, that friend is a moron, that his comments mean nothing, etc etc but I couldn’t help letting it effect me. I’ve been so self conscious lately in general (my weight has gone up and I’m really worried about how I look) and this really didn’t help.
Have you guys heard this term before? What exactly does it mean? Hubby said it had nothing to do with looks or anything, and that since moronic friend thinks hubby owns a business in town (his family does, not just him) that he probably meant money wise, even though he doesn’t know hubby and I make the same amount. I don’t even know if what I just said will make sense to you guys. Was he just drunkly kidding around? I can’t stop letting it bother me. I tear up every time I think about it. I don’t want my husband to be embarassed of me somehow or his friends to think I’m lower quality than everyone else. Ugh. I asked my husband not to confront his friend about it while we were there as I didn’t want to stir up trouble at the tailgaiting event. He agreed he wouldn’t but you could tell he was upset. I don’t know what to think. 🙁
Post # 3
I think his friend is a jerk who isn’t very funny. He probably was referring to money, that’s the only time I’ve heard that term. Either way he’s rude. Try to not let it get to you- the friend probably puts his foot in his mouth all the time.
Post # 4
I think what it means is choosing some more or less attractive than you are. But he was right, his friend is a moron and a jerk for saying that. Your FI loves the way you look, don’t let jerks get to you!
Post # 5
I think that marrying down means marrying someone “outside of your class”. For example, if you are a lawyer you marry someone who is a plumber, etc. I think it’s awful to say. I am so sorry that his friend said that and I’m sure it was a drunken ass move. I would be bothered by it to and I probably would have flipped on him. I think you did the right thing and I also think you should remember how much your husband loves you. He has respect for you and it seems his friend, when drinking, doesn’t have much respect for others. *hugs*
Post # 6
Wow. Well, if I were to use the phrase “marrying up” or “marrying down” it would mean marrying out of my supposed class or social status in said direction. It can be looks, or money, or achievements or just social class.
I’m really sorry your husband’s friend said that. Be assured it has NOTHING to do with you. I’m a little shocked that someone would actually say that…. alcohol perhaps?
Why was he bragging about “marrying up”? Does that make them a happier couple or something. Ugh.. absurd.
Perhaps your husband should quietly take his friend aside and say something to him. He shouldn’t tolerate someone saying that his wife is a second class citizen.
Post # 7
His friend is rude…don’t let it get to you! your hubby loves you! = ) That’s all that matters!
Post # 8
AH you guys I’m in tears again now. Great, so his friend basically thinks I’m lower class than my husband. And apparently feels like it’s okay to ‘joke’ about that. I put joke in quotes b/c really… it’s not funny at all. I am so hurt. I do appreciate you all clarifying this for me.
I know my husband loves me no matter what, I just have a hard time with stuff like this, I take it SO personally. I wish I could just brush it off.
Really though, telling you guys and being able to vent here means the world to me. It makes me feel so much better. That, and watching food network with my puppy right now. LOL!
Edit: I wrote fiance, not husband. Hehehe
Post # 9
@twocatcupcake:I’m so sorry about this…it sounds really hard but strong and remember that people that usually say these things are immature and have no class. I mean it. I would try my best to take it with a grain of salt (although I know how hard that can be!).
Post # 10
That’s a horrible thing to say to anyone. Regardless of what it’s referring to (money, looks, baking ability…) it’s rude, shallow, and intentionally cruel. I don’t konw what kind of friend this is, but if anyone told me that I was “marrying down” – in front of my fiance, no less! – we would no longer be friends.
Post # 11
I’m sorry you’re still upset. Hmmm, I understand about being emotionally sensitive and taking everything personally, I really don’t know how I grew out of it.
Does it make you feel a little better if you allow yourself to get mad? I think it’s healthy to allow oneself to get indignant, get pissed off. How DARE his friend say something like that! You just have to make sure you still conduct yourself appropriately. 🙂
Perhaps get mad and go blow off some steam. Some people say that a calm will follow.
Post # 12
I used to get really upset with what people thought about me but I don’t anymore. Maybe it’s something that comes with age? Just realize that you are a gorgeous beautiful woman and you deserve the wonderful man you have (who should tell his friend that he is an idiot and to never insult his future wife again).
Post # 13
I would have told your husbands “friend” to shove it straight up his ass. What a piece of shit thing to say. If you husband cares about you, he should be setting this jerk straight and quick. Saying something like that is not a joke. Period. He or you should definitely have shut that kind of talk down, because by not saying anything he now thinks it is an okay thing to say. Your hubby should definitely have a talk with his so called friend, and you are owed a major apology.
Post # 14
I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I really think your husband should have a talk with his “friend” and have his friend apologize. That was not a very nice thing to say, under any circumstance.