- 3 months ago
I am currently at a loss of what to do regarding a situation that happened with a friend of mine and would like some input.
One of my closest friends has recently started getting more involved in her church. She has asked me to attend a couple of times in the past, but I declined for a number of reasons, the most important of which being that I do not attend church in general. I was raised Catholic and her church was something I was not used to. When they first started, they were in a bar/comedy club and I will admit that I was surprised that was the venue for the church. I also expressed surprised that she was given a “higher up” position at the church as she didn’t really have experience or training for it. Overall, it is just not something we discuss. It hasn’t really been something on my radar to discuss with her and if I’m being honest, I don’t think the topic of her church has come up in months.
She gave a sermon last week and seemed really proud of it. I sent her a message and said that the next time she gives a sermon, let me know because I’d love to attend and support her.
She immediately responded with, “If you can keep your ‘it’s not a real church’ because it’s not Catholic comments, and massive side eye to yourself, then yes, I’ll let you attend.”
From the jump, her comments rubbed me the wrong way. I responded saying that the fact that I was offering to come watch her preach in a setting I was not necessarily comfortable in should have gone without saying that, should I have any comments or “side eye” I’d obviously keep it to myself. (And again, this is her already presuming there would be comments or side-eye.) It also slightly offended me that she either a) thinks that the only reason I’m asking to go is to make rude/disparaging comments or b) that I would be so tactless to make comments like that in a place of worship. Overall, I’m just offended that she thinks I would make rude comments in general.
She responded that “no, unfortunately, it doesn’t go without saying” and that I’ve been critical of “any church that isn’t Catholic” in the past, even if “someone you know is attending it.” She referenced a friend’s church which I was critical of–a situation she did not know enough about to bolster her argument. Basically, the church that I was critical of had nothing to do with it “not being Catholic” and more to do with it just being a toxic environment for a friend (a friend who was mine and nots hers). She does not know the whole story, but has obviously allowed her own assumptions to become fact.
I did not respond right away because the entire interaction rubbed me the wrong way and I wanted to respond in a level-headed manner. The next day, I sent her a message and told her that her comments rubbed me the wrong way. She read the message, but has not responded.
I know the obvious assumption is that I must have done it in the past or said/did something in the past to make her think this would be my natural reaction. As said above, I did express surprise in her church when I first heard about it. And I was not used to the way other churches operated and expressed surprise at the relaxed and almost…casual way her church seemed to approach service.
I’m unsure of how to proceed. A part of me feels that her comments were completely rude and unwarranted. I also feel as if she has had this low opinion of me and it is now just coming to light. I feel as if she owes me an apology.
I suppose my question is this: Do I try to discuss this with her a second time and reach a resolution? Or do I wait for her to make contact again? At this point a week has passed and we have not spoken.
Please note: I am NOT going to demand an apology from her and that is not why I am going to be reaching out to her. It is not just about an apology, but getting to the bottom of this. I feel as if she has had some negative thoughts/assumptions about me that I would like to resolve so it’s not lingering between us.