Had it up to here *gestures to neck* with FMIL!!!!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
4797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

BurlapnLace:  I’m so glad I don’t have crazy MILs anymore (I had 2!) lol! So I can definitely feel your pain. It’s a bummer that you don’t think FI will ever see it another way. Do other people in his family have problems with her? Maybe you could sit down with him, when you’re not angry, and just tell him how you feel. Oh, and I definitely wouldn’t try to force that nut on my mother. You 2 can live a long and happy life with your mothers hardly ever having to spend time together, trust me. And yes, I definitely wouldn’t tell her anything else of vendors and such. If she’s really that nutty, it’ll never change without some counseling and medication. No lie!

Post # 4
Member
2873 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I know its going to be hard, but you really need to talk to your FI about this.  He needs to know why this makes you uncomfortable. Can you imagin what it would be like if the two of you have a kid?  She just “wonders into” the delivery room because she thougt “That was where she was supose to wait.”  Her invasive behavior won’t stop until he understands why it’s incorrect.

Post # 6
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

 

BurlapnLace:  You have every right to be totally annoyed and angry. I was fortunate enough to have a pretty peaceful planning time. My MIL is great and we get along well. My mom was a bit of a handful at times but nothing crazy.

I feel for you becuase I know how stressful he planning process CAN be. If I had people acting this way while I was planning, I would have lost my mind.

I hope things get better. Deep breathing, honey! lol

Post # 7
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

 

BurlapnLace:  I realize this is easier said than done, but when your MIL walked in and claimed she was confused – you could have smiled and greeted her warmly and then directed her to the B&B and told her you would meet her there when your meeting was done.  In other words – politely show her the door. 

I also think you need to stop being offended that she’s rejecting your Mom’s friendly overtures.  Some people just aren’t social and while its nice of your Mom to make the effort, your FMIL doesn’t owe it to her or to you to be friends.  As for her lying – well, what’s she supposed to say?  I don’t want to drive with you?  She did what anyone would do – made up an excuse.  Your Mom is a big girl – if she’s issued several invitations that have been rejected, she should be able to figure out your FMIL isn’t interested and just drop it.  Its possible over time they will become closer but maybe not. 

Post # 10
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If she doesn’t want to be buddy, buddy with your Mom that’s not a big deal. Everyone has the right to establish boundries for their relationships as they see fit. However, showing up at the meeting was uncool. Your FH defintely has to step up and regulate his mom. Or simply moving forward keep her out of the loop. No more sharing dates/times or else this will happen again. 

Post # 12
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

I hear you on the frustration with your FMIL avoiding your mom’s kind invitations. My mom, since our engagement, has invited my FILs over for dinner five times, all of which were turned down for no reason. FMIL cried about not having FI and I for thanksgiving this year after turning down an invitation to my parent’s for dinner. She constantly complains about how FI and I treat my family differently (though we spend more time with FI’s family), yet doesn’t want to make any effort to get to know my family and wants to keep events separate. Unfortunately my mom now thinks they are rude people. I know you can’t force friendships, but you’d think, for the sake of family unity, there’d be a little more of an effort. Our moms will share grandkids some day after all!

Post # 13
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My 2 cents: you and your FI shouldn’t ever mention any other vendor mtgs and especially not the time and location of them to her again. some moms just really want to be involved even when not helpful. I tried to tell my mom a few times that there was no point to her visiting the area and venue with us (it would just deplete the already very small financial help my parents are giving us)- she just didn’t want to hear it. For her to finally acknowledge that she wouldn’t attend any mtgs, I had to eventually say it so bluntly that I ended up hurting her feelings, but no how no way was she EVER going to know date, time, and location. All of my vendors are told that neither parents make any decisions under any circumstances. 

at first, my FI’s parents acted like they really wanted to talk to and meet my parents And my parents were excited about that. But FPIL were just fronting. havent contacted my parents at all sinve we gave their demanded contact info over 10 months ago. Now that we’ve realized his parents are acting crazy, we’ve told my parents not to answer any calls from FPIL’s area code just in case- we are limiting their sphere of crazy as much as possible. Because, like your FMIL, we realized his parents will lie about us and the wedding til the cows come home.

At first, my FI didn’t realize/accept that his parents were lying (he kept being overly defensive and thinking they were “confused” or “doing everything out of love”), but as they built up more and more blatant lies, he fully understands now and we’re on the same page. If anything, he’s way more upset with them than I am. imo, they are generally nice, but controlling and manipulative ppl who have lost their minds at their first son getting married. I won’t give them a pass to do and say what they want without consequences, but I’m not going to hate them. If they ever apologize and start behaving appropriately and stop lying, they can attend the wedding and be in our lives. 

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