Had it with my mother – anyone else in my boat?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

No but I have cut ties with my father as he acts like a bitter selfish child. The breaking point was him refusing to look at my wedding album because there was a photo of me, my mum and my stepfather in it. Meanwhile my parents are divorced because HE is the one that cheated and he actually has more photos than my mum in my album but he refused to look.

 

So my point is that some people are just toxic and drama follows them everywhere (or they cause it) and even though sometimes they are your parents it is a service to urself to cut them out of your life. All the best I know how Hard it is 🙁

Post # 4
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@canway11:  You’re not the only one. I completely stopped talking to my mom about 8 months ago now. Completely cut off any communication from her. Blocked her from my phone, social media… I stopped looking up to her around the ago 11, when I started becoming my own person and realizing my mom was not the perfect role model. We’ve had our ups and downs and always got along better when I lived on my own, away from her. I completely understand you when you say manipulating and always playing the victim. And I always had a soft spot for her, but not anymore.

I canceled my wedding because I didn’t want her there, so we are now eloping. I have no sympathy for her, don’t miss her, although I know what you mean that you want your mother to be a better person. I just want my mom to be a mom and not a young, party goer still trying to be in her 20s. I’ve decided the only time I’ll consider talking to her is after I have my first child. I don’t think she deserves to be apart of my pregnancy or experience being in the delivery room, seeing me get married or any life changing important events in my life. 

Ok, I’m venting now, sorry. Lol. But I completely understand where you’re coming from and how you’re feeling. Just because they are our mothers, doesn’t mean they deserve free passes for their negative behaviors towards us. Sorry you are going through this. 

Post # 6
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

@canway11:  I left home when I was 16 and talk to my mother as little as possible now. Every time I do, she somehow manages to sneak in a jab and I go away feeling like crap. My family doesn’t really understand it as she is manipulative and ‘nice to your face’ so they all think it was some teenage drama and I’m just the bitchy daughter *eye roll* 

It doesn’t bother me for the most part but I do get upset when I have significant events where you should have a mum, you know? Graduation, my 21st, that sort of thing. I’m not engaged yet but I plan to elope because I know I would just end up in tears. 

Sometimes I just wish I had a ‘real’ mum. I completely understand what you mean. Sorry you have to deal with this. I am a million times happier since I have stopped talking to her, even though my family thinks its terrible.

If I were you, I’d probably just say screw it and not invite her. She will crack a tantrum but she would probably do that anyway and at least this way it wouldn’t be AT your wedding.

Post # 7
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

@canway11:  I can’t give you any solid advice, as I have no experience, but by the sounds of it… I wouldn’t invite her. What would she be like at your wedding? Would she cause a scene?
I hope everything works out for you! 

Post # 8
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@canway11:  I had a similar situation with my father. I think you are bang on correct when you say “Maybe it’s because I wish she could be a better person”… I felt horrible involving my father, and I felt horrible not involving him. I was mad about it. It’s not a fair situation. Lots of other girls don’t have that to deal with, or so it seems. The whole situation made me very sad.

I ended up talking to him about my engagement, offering him an invite but then revoking it after we had a few conversations. He just frustrates me so much! I felt like an asshole. I don’t want to treat anyone that way, but having him at my wedding would have made me anxious, distracted and unhappy. So that was the right decision for me.

This sucks and you don’t deserve it. Hugs.

Post # 10
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I invited my estranged dad because I was pressured into it, and rather than being grateful he got an invitation at all, he spent the entire wedding drunkenly complaining, threatening to leave, and loading his car up with wedding stuff (he actually took everyone’s favors off their tables and took bottles of liquor from the bar).

Post # 13
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@canway11:  Not with my mother, but with my sister. I haven’t spoken to her in about 6 months and I don’t plan on inviting her to my wedding. She’s a selfish bitch anyway and I doubt she cares.

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