(Closed) had kind of a breakdown… am I taking this too much to heart?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1013 posts
Bumble bee

I would feel sad too.  And i would make sure he knew it. 

Sometimes guys say dumb things while drunk though.  Like my SO told me if he could marry me tomorrow he would….that was 2.5 years ago and i am still waiting for an engagemnt lol.  His brother also told me he wanted to break up with his Girlfriend…that was 4 months ago and he hasn’t mentioned it since. 

I would let him know you are still bummed. Be honest.  

Post # 4
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I totally understand being in a relationship with someone for years and it seeming like getting engaged/married will never happen.

It sounds like he’s doing his best to reassure you of his affections for you – but I really truly think you need to drop talking about getting married.

I’d stop looking at WB and other sites and focus on yourself.  Have you seen Mr. Bee’s tips for getting engaged?  Part of it (which I wish I wrote when I was in your shoes) was to stop talking about it with your SO.

The thing that jumped out at me was your SO’s comment about you trying to rush it.  To me, that’s guy speak for:  why are you talking about it all the time – it’s gonna happen, when it’s happens.

It sounds like your man is head over heels in love with you – and wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t want to be with you.  ENJOY the relationship you have.  INVEST in the relationship you have.  I know it’s difficult to not think about marriage and getting enaged, but I PROMISE you – the more you can focus on yourself, other interests, and your relationship (outside of the nagging ‘is he ever going to propose’) the happier BOTH of you will be.  

I wish I had someone to knock this sense inside my head when I was freaking out about it (which happened OFTEN).

Anyway – that’s a lot to say:  just chill out, take deep breaths.  It’s gonna be OKAY!

Post # 6
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

yeah it seems like you are trying to rush it and have it happen. it’s like you expect it already. But I want it to happen naturally. I want to feel like ‘i can’t wait to marry this girl!‘”

Ugh. Sounds like a really sweet guy who’s heart was in the right place, but should have kept his mouth shut. My SO says things like this; I make him try to explain in girl language which works about 1/3 of the time. I think your man was trying to say stop bring it up so that when it happens, its organic and 100% a result of his feelings and 0% your expectations or prodding. He wants it to be a surprise and not do it when you’re expecting/ hoping for it. Guys typically arent nearly as good as us as expressing themselves verbally, and we tend to be a bit more sensitive than they even realize…. bad combo.


Post # 7
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@juneebee:  I was on here before I got engaged… and, honestly, taking a break helped.  When you are on here it’s all wedding all the time – and taking a break allowed me to think about something other than wondering if he’d ever propose.  Side true story:  I got into this HUGE fight with Darling Husband the night before he proposed.  I was convinced he’d never do it and he didn’t love me….. he was acting funny (trying to be all sweet and romantic) – and I think I was trying to figure out if he was going to do it or not… or if he was just trying to appease me by NOT proposing… but, the bottom line, I had a melt down because I was scared he’d never do it.  I think if I did a little more introspection about my fears it would have helped me in the long run (perhaps).  The silver lining I can offer you – is once it happens – all the angst will be a distant memory.  Do your best to focus on other things and let things take it’s course.  HUGS!!  I know how hard it is!!!!

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