Post # 1
I come from a large Vietnamese and Chinese family and traditionally, it’s very rude to not send an invite to a family member, their spouse, and kids even if you know they won’t be able to make it. FMIL also requested for us to send a few courtesy invitations as well, which means my guest list is at 179 (38 of those guests are kids ranging from under 1 year old to tweens), and we signed our venue contract for 100 guests.
We did set aside a reserve in our budget just in case we do go over that number, but only by 15 guests at max. Both sets of parents have assured us that most of these guests won’t be able to make it, but I’m having panic attacks in the event that they do decide to accept! I’ve already crossed off as many friends of ours that we could, and I suppose I could make it to an adults only reception, but I don’t think that’s feasible. I only know some of these kids and would love for them to be there, but I can’t really pick and choose which kids can come or not.
I know it’s probably wrong to think this way, but I’m REALLY hoping for those declines or guests opting not to take their kids along. Anyone else in the same boat? We can all commiserate in our panicky glory!
Post # 2
vip0802: I come from a similar ethnic background as you — are your parents helping, or are they putting it on your FI’s family? What are your FI’s family expectations?
Can you work the back channels and see if aunties, uncles, cousins can confirm the expected declines?
Since FI and I are paying for the whole thing, we’re not inviting the obligatory invites. We did offer to do a separate, obligatory reception and my mom said it wasn’t needed. Not sure if that helps at all, but wanted to share that it might be possible to find another way.
Post # 3
I’m there! Our ceremony spot at our venue technically only holds 200. Well, by the time all was said and done, our invites added up to ~260 (not including the wedding party). I’m a little frustrated because our first draft of the guest list was more like 210 people, but between FI’s mom having to add more obligation invites and my family convincing us we had to add another branch of relatives so we wouldn’t seem rude, it got way out of control. I know there’s still a chance we’ll be fine, but I started getting RSVPs two weeks ago and have yet to get a decline- makes me so nervous!
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Can you send the courtesy invites out a few weeks later than your regular invitations?
Post # 5
Our venue holds 250 comfortably, 300 max. We have about 400 we want to invite, a couple courtsey invites, and that’s already adults only! I sent out the first 300 today and will be sending the ones as soon as I get replies back. Hoping for several declines as well!
Post # 6
bitsybee: Working the back channels is definitely an awesome suggestion since my dad’s side of the family is from CA, and he’ll definitely have a better idea of who will or will not be making it. My parents are helping with the reception and his parents will be paying for the rehearsal dinner. FI’s parents haven’t been expecting or demanding of anything (I love them!), and since FI’s part of the guest list is relatively small compared to mine, I don’t want to deny them any courtesy invites either.
BrittanyErin: Yes! Our initial guest list was at a lower number too, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that everything will work out in the end.
beachbride1216: Interesting, I never thought about doing that. I don’t know if that would work though since I’ve already sent out STDs for all of our out of town guests, which include a lot of my family members. It may seem suspicious if one family gets an invitation, and another gets one a few weeks later since they all live within the same general area.
MrsN14: 400 and that’s not even including kids?! Wow! I’m hoping you get some declines too, but who would want to miss out on a reception like that? 😉