Had my bachelorette party – and it was horrendous

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I am so sorry you’re going through this, hun.

With the bad friend: if that was a friend of mine, I would not include her in the wedding party at all. She’s been significantly late to everything you’ve asked her to do, causes drama, and appears to be making the rest of your bridesmaids uncomfortable. To me, it’s just not worth it.

Is there any way you can have a “do-over” bachelorette party and just not invite drama-prone people?

Post # 4
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It sounds like your friend is going through a hard time. You should be there for her, not ganging up on her and confronting her in a restaurant full of people. I know it’s hard because you’re excited about your wedding, but I think her downward spiral into drug use needs some attention. I would try to talk to her and let her know you love and support her. 

Post # 5
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry all of that happened. I think a do-over bachelorette party is in order, just like Windsong_ suggested. 

If I were you, I would cut her out of the wedding altogether. She’s too unreliable and too volatile, and she’s causing stress for you and others involved in the wedding. Who knows what trouble she could cause for you as the wedding day gets closer. I don’t think she’s worth the trouble. 

 

As far as cutting her out of your life goes, that depends on how much  trouble she is causing you. If her presence in your life is tripping you up, stressing you out, and preventing you from leading the life you want to lead, then not having her as a friend may be for the best.

Some people think that you should be friends with someone through good times and bad, and not judge what they do, but I do not really agree with that. If someone is doing drugs or drinking to excess, being volatile to the point of being dangerous, or frequently makes simple things difficult to the point of them not getting done correctly, they don’t need to be around. Your friend can do what she wants, because she is an adult, but you’re also an adult, and making judgement calls about what one does and does not want in one’s life is what adults do.

If you still want to be friends with her, but not have her in the wedding, that’s fine. If you don’t want her in your wedding or in your life, that’s also fine. Do what is best for you.  

 

Post # 6
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I agree w/ the PP – I would redo the bach party and go to a club and/or a strip show with just a few people – like your closest 2-3 friends who are drama-free and reliable.

As for the MOH, I don’t know what to say. I think I’d need more details. It’s pretty clear something is going on with her. I don’t think it’s normal to just start doing coc out of no where. I think I’d have a serious talk with her at a cafe during normal daylight hours after everyone has calmed down a bit and tell her you’re really concerned about her and think maybe being a MOH is just too much for her and if she would like to step down (to regular BM or just a guest). I don’t think I’d uninvite her and cut her out of my life without having a serious talk, first. It’s your MOH, after all.

Sorry about your awful bach party. 🙁

Post # 7
Member
7395 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@AlwaysSunny:  +1

OP your friends drug taking and behaviour  and future in the scheme of things are far more important than a hens do or wedding. Sorry I think shaming her in a crowded restaurant was not what a true friend would do.

Post # 8
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Rachael1287:

I think that tonight was not the time to bring up her shortcomings as a MOH, especially in a large group. It sounds like she was ganged up on, and I don’t blame her for acting defensively.

Your MOH is supposed to be your best friend, yet it seems so many brides are willing to kick them to the curb the minute they feel they aren’t being what they think a MOH should be. She isn’t an errand girl. She isn’t planning your wedding with you. She is your friend. She has no obligations but to be there the day of to help your through. Nothing more, nothing less. You sound very judgmental of her relationship and generally, her choices in life. She is an adult. If she wants to date a “creep” and do cocaine socially, she is allowed to do this. Most people go through experimental phases. instead of judging her for it, maybe you should try to be a friend to her instead.

The bachelorette party doesn’t mean ANYTHING. Nothing. nada. It’s just a stupid night where people find an excuse to get drunk with their girlfriends before the wedding. It isn’t your wedding. This isn’t an extra special perfect night you deserve. Your expectations were too high and you should just pick up the pieces and move on. I only hope you aren’t blowing up your fiance’s phone while he is at his stag, begging him to come home.

 

I hate this idea of her deserving to be a part of your wedding. If she was a good enough friend to be chosen as a MOH, then yes..she deserves it. Maybe your expectations of her behavior regarding wedding planning and such is unrealistic. 

Post # 9
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Rachael1287:  I’m sorry that your party didn’t go as planned and you didn’t have a good time 🙁  I think you should have a do over if you can.

Sounds like your MOH is going through a rough patch maybe?  or has this happened before?  Confronting someone in a large group is not the best way to get to the bottom of a problem.  It is just going to embarrass the person and get a dramatic response, which is kind of what happened. 

If this type of behavior is atypical for this friend, I would try to find out what was going on/or to help her.  She might tell you to screw off, but at least you tried.   If it is just another example of poor behavior and she is known for this type of stuff, I would consider cutting my losses.   

It sucks either way, hope it works out. 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sorry your party didn’t go as planned but there will be more fun nights out with your girls to be had in the future.

as fr your friend, it’s pretty clear she’s going through some stuff and you should be there for her not cut her out. Your friends’ health and well being should be more important than your wedding festivities in my opinion.

Post # 11
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

@Rachael1287:  

I’m sorry this happened.

I think you may find that after getting married, you will be drawn to different kinds of friends.

As for whether to keep her in the bridal party, I would vote no. It sounds like this friendship’s days are numbered, anyway. And do you really want a coked-up drama queen in your wedding photos? 

 

Post # 12
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Rachael1287:  Booooooo.  Sorry about all of this.

If it makes you feel any better, I went home very sober two weeks ago from my bachelorette party- I was sick with a cold- but we wtill got our nails done, went to dinner, and then went shopping.  But FI sister’s left right after dinner because they don’t like to shop, BM left after one store because she’s pregnant and didn’t feel like being out, my sister was having digestive issues, and my friend and cousin were the only other two left LOL

 

In terms of your MOH- she sounds like she’s in a bad spot.  Her new boyfriend is clearly not a good influence- and whether it’s him or the drugs- she seems to have one person in mind right now- herself.  Personally, I wouldn’t want anyone who is in the middle of a drug-binge AT or IN my wedding.  

Let me ask you this:  when she’s not doing cocaine, is she a good friend?  There’s a reason you asked her to be your MOH.  

Post # 13
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Its your moh job to give you a kick ass hens.

Cut her. Have another hens. No stripper so  was not really a hens.

Post # 14
Member
23 posts
Newbee

@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon:  ” If she wants to date a “creep” and do cocaine socially, she is allowed to do this.”

This made me lol. I take your meaning, but she’s not allowed to do cocaine, it’s literally against the law.

Post # 15
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Rachael1287:  Wait you ganged up on her with 7 other people and told her what a crap friend she is and you’re suprised she blew up at you?  

Yes she is a crap friend and drugs change people, but that’s really no way to solve anything.

If you want to be friends you need to reach out.  This girl seems to have far worse problems then not being able to handle being a MOH.

If you don’t want to be friends with her cut her out, and forget about her.

Post # 16
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Rachael1287:  I would also freak out if I were ganged up on by 7 people. If you had issue with her drug use or her inability to function as a MOH, then you should have brought it up in private. Sounds like she’s going through some personal stuff, and being confronted by you and the rest of the BM’s was too much to handle. I’d be more concerned than angry, especially if she was a good friend before the cocaine/ bad boyfriend.

 

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