Had surgery yesterday, didn't hear from friend – would this upset you?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
6061 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@Deejayelle:  it depends on how close you are with this friend. And how serious this surgery was. I wouldn’t take it too personally just yet. She may feel like she doesn’t want to bother you so soon after surgery.

Post # 4
11840 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Deejayelle:  it would probably bug me a little bit.

Post # 5
45237 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it was thoughtful of her not to bother you yesterday or today. People need time to recuperate from surgery.

I would hope that she would touch base in the next couple of days.

Post # 6
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Deejayelle:  I wouldn’t read into it too much.  Addressing medical things can be a little awkward and she just might not have known how to respond/offer her support.  “Your lady bits are in my thoughts… or hoping your vajayjay has a speedy recovery” may not have seemed appropriate..

Post # 7
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

my best friend didn’t contact me either when I had a gyn surgery. It didn’t bother me one bit bc I was passed out the day of, as well as the following days. Anyways, she didn’t care to hear details bc it makes her queasy haha. Like @Deejayelle said, maybe it’s awkward for her to wish your repoductive system well, especially if she is unsure of what exactly was done to you. I would try to not let it bother you too much, unless she’s a flake all the time?

Post # 8
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Nope.  People get busy, and I don’t need to know that they’re thinking of me.  I appreciate well wishes when they happen, but I don’t expect them.

Post # 9
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Deejayelle:  No it wouldn’t bother me. People have lives and get busy. First, it’s a minor procedure so I wouldn’t expect it to be at the fore front of anyone’s mind except mine.  Second, maybe she was giving you space to rest.  My grandmother had a hip replacement monday and I haven’t called her yet to check in on her (though I will call her tonight).  I wanted to give her a chance to rest because that’s what I would want if it were me.




Post # 10
2833 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It would bug me a little. If she was my close and very best friend I would really be hurt; but it’s not something I would hold a grudge over.

Post # 12
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Deejayelle:  No I wouldn’t care and I also might not follow up with a friend – especially when it was minor. 

I don’t really think those kinds of things are an indication of true friendship.

Post # 13
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I myslef would only follow up with family and perhaps my closest friend for medical situations – otherwise I would probably appear like you friend to others.

But then I myself am the type of person who wants to be left alone and would want privacy. I wouldn’t even want my best friend texting me asking me how I was, heck – I’d probably get annoyed with my parents calling/texting me to check in!

She may also be reserving that kind of attention for big surgeries and emergencies rather than acting like that in every event.

Post # 14
6751 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Honestly, people are just different in that regard. I had a friend who would constantly remember everything going on in my life and ask me about it. I really thought that showed concern and it made me feel like I was a bad friend bc I would constantly forget things going on in other people’s lives or not follow through and ask how they were doing. But, that didn’t mean I didn’t care because I really do. And turns out that friend and I don’t speak anymore bc she ended up being a very self-centered person and I don’t handle that well (she was very expectant about things happening her way and people doing things for her, etc.) and so I just stopped speaking to her.

In the same respect – I’m an attorney and if I’m on trial, I want NO ONE to talk to me, to bother me, to discuss anything unrelated to the trial with me, etc. And I won’t speak to the person on trial the entire time they’re on trial (even if it lasts weeks), I will walk around them like I’m walking on egg shells. I’m honestly surprised when someone still wants to go out for lunch or whatever or discuss a TV show or anything other than a trial. I know trials aren’t the same as surgery so sorry if I’m offending you with this comparison.

But.. my point is, people show they care in different ways. Maybe her way is going on with life as if nothing is different – to give you space and not to treat you like anything is wrong. Maybe that’s what she would prefer if she was going through some scary surgery.

I wouldn’t be offended, just chalk it up to different strokes for different folks. If she shows you in other areas of life that she’s a good friend and cares about you, then let this particular thing slide.

Post # 15
3867 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think it would depend on how close you and this friend are. If this were a good friend, I would definitely be a little upset!

I had a similar thing happen to me. I had to go in for surgery this past fall. Life threatening? It wasn’t exactly brain surgery, but the recovery was brutal. She texted me a week before to ask if I wanted to get dinner the night of my surgery and I reminded her of my surgery and then…nothing. I had several of our mutual friends text or call the morning of and the evening after the surgery, but I didn’t hear anything from her. It wasn’t until she called to ask me why I hadn’t gotten my bridesmaid dress yet (it came in about four days after my surgery) and I, again, reminded her that I had surgery and was on heavy duty painkillers and was unable to stand up without feeling sick, let alone getting in my car and driving somewhere. Her response, “I realize you had surgery. I just didn’t think it would take you that long to recover.” Again, no, how are you or anything like that. I was angry with her, enough that I stopped speaking to her right up until the wedding. But this was one of my “best friends” and I felt hurt. We’re okay now, but it definitely shook me up a little bit for sure in that I realized she would NOT be a person I could rely on if anything were to happen. 

I’m actually surprised so many people said they wouldn’t be upset or wouldn’t follow up with their friends. I couldn’t imagine one of my friends going in for surgery and not at least reaching out to them to wish them luck or see how they’re doing the day after the surgery or something. I get people get busy, but come on! Most days people have their phones GLUED to their hands and you can’t take literally TEN seconds out of your day to send a quick, “Hope you’re doing well” text? Unacceptable as far as I’m concerned. 

Post # 16
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

It’s minor surgery, I wouldn’t follow up immediately to ask how you are… I would prob just ask the next time i see you or talk to you.


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