(Closed) Hadn’t thought of this…FMIL gift?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do you buy the FMIL a gift even though she didn't contribute to planning or financial strain?
    Yes, don't be stupid. : (12 votes)
    60 %
    No, Thank you gifts are meant for those who are actually being "thanked". : (8 votes)
    40 %
    other- Tell me your stories or suggestions! : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Well…she did raise your FI, even though she’s kinda being a butt-head. I haven’t read your other posts, but as long as she was actually a decent mother to him, I would go ahead and get her something and present it all at the rehearsal dinner :).

    Post # 4
    Member
    4824 posts
    Honey bee

    I would suggest doing exactly as you mentioned. A token gift that is not the same magnitude of your parents or bridal party to say thank you for supporting them in this marriage.

    It would go a long way to endearing you to her.  I suspect she is not expecting a large gift as she is not contributing financially, but I am sure she would like to be acknowledged as being the mother of the groom while everyone else is being recognized.

    As for talking to your FI, you could simply say I think we should get such and such for my parents as a thank you for such a generous money donation, such and such for the bridal party members for throwing us parties and standing with us and a handkerchief for your mom for supporting us.  If you give him the reasons why each person is getting that level of gift, he will likely agree. If not than you can have a discussion a that time.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4824 posts
    Honey bee

    I would also remember that recognizing FMIL (no matter how much she screwed up in your eyes) is going to make your FI happy too. The gift will be as much about your FMIL as your FI.

    Post # 8
    Member
    572 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    As much as I didn’t want to (I felt like she should be giving US a gift for everything she did) we did.  I actually just let DH handle it and he decided picture frames for everyone and then we gave my dad and step mom something on the sly for helping.  MIL left the rehearsal dinner before we gave gifts out so she wouldn’t have known anyways.

    I say hand it over to your FI, let him decide what to do and how to do it.  I would set a limit though.

    Post # 10
    Member
    6572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I don’t know, my in laws didn’t contribute nearly as much as my parents for the wedding, but we gave them the same gift. She’s still his mom, and I feel like that has to count for something.

    Post # 11
    Member
    4547 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I was in the reverse situation. My mother didn’t contribute much financially but his parents contributed a TON! We still got them both the same gift but added a nice gift card to his parents.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4547 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I was in the reverse situation. My mother didn’t contribute much financially but his parents contributed a TON! We still got them both the same gift but we’re getting his parents a photo book in addition.

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