- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
I’ve only written a few posts on the bee and now have the most important question yet to ask.
I know there are plenttyyy of other posts discussing elopement, but I haven’t found a situation quite like ours and so I’m wondering if some of you could weigh in.
We are now ~7 months away from the wedding in July. So far, we’ve signed a few contracts, made several deposits to venue/DJ/harpist/photog, maids have their dresses, and FMIL is looking into rehearsal dinner sites. The deposits total about $4500 (including dresses) out of the total projected $30k for the wedding. Save the dates have been sent. Our parents are paying for the venue/food/alcohol, which is the biggest chunk of the wedding at ~15k. This doesn’t even include the honeymoon (we’ll plan for that in 2015/2016…)
Funny thing is, back when FI and I got engaged, my father (half jokingly?) said, if we elope he’d write a check for me that day for $10k as an investment for us. Well, I kinda laughed and shrugged that off…so we got caught up in the excitement of the wedding, and started planning. Everything so far has fallen into place. I’m not stressed out, I make confident decisions easily, our families have met and are beyond thrilled about our joining.
In the beginning, every once in a while I would say to FI, you know I’d be ok if we just eloped! I guess he just never took it seriously, but then last night I brought it up again. I guess the reality of a big COSTLY wedding (~200 guests) is starting to creep up, and it was as if a light bulb went off for him — now FI thinks it’s a seriously valid option for us based on financial reasons: We are in our late 20s with some emergency savings, both have MAJOR student loan debt, he is entering medical school 1 month after the wedding, which means relocating ($$$). We live very far away from everyone/thing and it costs $500 for me just to fly home (I’m planning this wedding from a distance, it’ll be in my hometown). Anyway, the point is, we both suddenly are thinking, WHY are we spending the little money we have and WHY are our parents (so graciously and generously) paying for such a big wedding when they would happily give us the 15k for us to start our lives together? It’s so obvious now…we shouldn’t have planned such a large wedding. But I think because we got so caught up in it all at the beginning, and our parents have been “encouraging” the size (I am fine not having any extended family but it wasn’t even up for discussion), all of a sudden we’re putting on the breaks and it’s like…whoa, maybe we should rethink this and cut our losses?
I think the hardest part for me is, this is all exclusively financial-based. We have great, loving families, no black sheep, everyone’s getting along, there’s no stress, etc. And I would hate for my grandmother to not see me get married, but I know if we, say, jet off to the Pacific NW she wouldn’t be able to be there…
Also, I know some of you might correct this point, but we wouldn’t technically be eloping — it would be more like a DW with us + parents + siblings somewhere within the US.
So, at these crossroads, any thoughts are welcome. Did you have a big wedding and regret not eloping? Did you have a similar circumstance? What would you do? How would people react?
PS During my time as a bride I’ve read plenty of posts in the blogosphere that say many couples hit a point when they consider eloping…so if you think I’m just getting to that point and just need a kick in the butt, let me know too …lol