Handling differences of opinion with your man

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

@clm123:  I’m not sure what I’d do in your position but here are the thought that came to mind as I was reading your post;

#1, marriage has to be about spending your life with your best friend. It’s that companionship that will last a lifetime. If you don’t see eye to eye on some major things, that could really be a problem down the road. If it were me, I would not be able to marry someone that I didn’t at least mostly agree with as far as my relationship with God, politics, and money. 

#2, even if he is willing to buy things after giving all of his “tips” it’s going to grow old fast. Probably the biggest issue that DH and I have is that he always feels the need to give his advice or tell me why he doesn’t agree with my decisions. He doesn’t expect me to change, he just likes giving his little pieces of advice/ condecending mini-lectures. Even though he doesn’t expect me to do what he says, it’s sooooooo annoying to me!!!!!!!

Ask yourself if you can deal with the comments for the rest of your life. My guess is that you’ll get really frustrated and annoyed by them really quickly. I’d have a good talk with him about it. 

Post # 5
875 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@clm123:  ok we have two things here–religion and money!

1. On the religion point- has he ever gone to church with you? there’s nothing stopping him from starting now. If he has only said he will go and not actually gone yet, I would invite him to come with you Sunday and see what he does. Give him a couple chances to come with you.

2. It sounds like he just wants to save on the little things so he can do the big things! Like you said, he spends money on you now. This may be a case where both of you change a little bit– he is willing to get a new house, just not as big as you want. He wants you to cut down your starbucks habit to once a week. THis makes a lot of sense because when you want to retire early you have to get used to living on a fixed income. I would really see if he takes your feelings into account–does he control everything or is he flexible?

Post # 6
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012


How long have you dated?  Do you live near each other?

It sounds like not only do you have different opinions in money, but you have very basic different theories in how money should be treated.  This is like the building blocks of money impressions!  That’s not a good fit honestly.

Have you politely said to him, “I truly understand where you are going with all this money advice, but I would appreciate it if you reserved it for when I asked for it.”

Perhaps he is needing to see changes on your end (hence all the suggestions) before he can move forward?

I am someone that lives modestly and wants to retire early.  Yet I will spend $500 on a zero degree sleeping bag or $1000 on a BBQ grill. 

If he says he would go to church with you, I also would ask has he done this?  Or is it all talk?


Here is a great book:

Is He Mr. Right?: Everything You Need to Know Before You Commit

By Mira Kirshenbaum


It might be geared towards 20 year olds, but the advice is still very solid.  IT goes over the five dimensions of chemistry and checks if you have it or not.

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