- 2 weeks ago
- Wedding: April 2016
Hi Bees! I am only 4 weeks along, so I know much of this is too soon to worry about, but I can’t help but get nervous thinking about how we’re going to handle my in-laws when we share our baby news and people start talking about baby showers, etc. Here are some facts:
– When DH and I got married two year ago, the only source of drama surrounding our wedding involved his family members and their behavior. His family isn’t tight-knit and he has been distancing himself because he understands they’re toxic and even when he talks to them, it affects him so negatively and he often lashes out at me without realizing because it seems to bring up his deep rooted childhood trauma (he’s 39).
– His mother is bi-polar (and you can’t fault her), but his sister/my SIL (who is 37) is probably one of the most evil people I have ever met. She is verbally abusive towards their mother and bullys her, making her condition worse, she’s verbally abusive to their dad and his GF (who she currently lives with).
– At my bridal shower, his sister was yelling at their mom in front of other guests (I wasn’t aware at the time) and putting her down, this made his mom very uneasy, which is understandable, but then I had her coming up to me (while I was speaking to other guests) to tell me what her daughter was doing to her, etc. I don’t want to fault her because I know she’s bi-polar, but it was a bit of a damper on an occasion that was supposed to be exciting and special for me, especially since I had so much family that traveled out of town to be there.
– This past Christmas, his sister/dad and dad’s gf came over. SIL threw a huge fit at our house over nothing and took an Uber and left, slamming the door after her. This was the last straw with DH and he basically said she’s not welcome over.
With all of this said, I’m really nervous about what’s going to happen when we share this news. It’s going to be the first grandchild for both his family and mine. I don’t want to take joy from anyone or come off as being selfish, but DH and I are so excited about having our first child and I don’t want to bring any uncessary stress into our lives.
I’m also scared about what happens when it’s time for a baby shower. I definiely don’t want a repeat of my bridal shower, but there’s no way it wouldn’t happen again. My MIL also lives in a different state. Is it rude to have a shower with just my friends/family and my mom only (I don’t have any sisters, so my bridal shower was thrown by my BFF/MOH and my mom, which is likely what my shower would be again). And then do a co-ed shower with DH and his family/my parents (or even without my parents or family and just his)?
If my godmother who lives out of town wants to throw me a shower and I end up doing just family for that one, is it okay to not invite any of my in-laws? What’s the “rule” with having in-laws at baby celebrations?
If anyone has dealt with a similar situation, please feel free to share!