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This is a tough situation that we deal with occasionally also. My friends and my husband's friends are all very different so sometimes we don't really have much in common with their significant others/spouses. I think the best thing to do is try and limit the double dates as much as possible and if you do them, at least have them center around some kind of activity (a baseball game, concert, movie) where it doesn't require them to have to interact for hours on end.
I don't think it's a big deal for your husband to bail this time- you just don't want to do it too much to where your friend and her husband start wondering if he has an issue with them. If you say your husband isn't going to come, does your friend's husband want to still hang out with you and your friend? That would be a little awkward I think.
I agree this situation can suck. I think sometime when we are friends with someone, we shouldn't always feel obligated to go on double dates. Like if I ask my friend if she wants to hang out, it's weird to me if she always suggests a double date (like why can't you go somewhere without your DH). But, if it has to be that way sometimes, my husband almost always goes. If he doesn't I don't mind going alone but it can be kind of awkward. I think for us my DH goes even if he doesn't want to and just tries to make the best of it. If he doesn't like the guy, then usually double dates don't happen (I think some kind of mutual knowing that they don't get along?). I think you should just let your DH do what he wants...BUT I think he should make an effort with you too and try to hang out a little bit at least.
Trust me there are a few people I don't like on his side but I make an effort for him and his friends, you know? I expect the same in return.
I've been thinking about this more and the reality is I have a higher tolerance for annoying people - LOL. DH is willing to do it, when it's important to me... but, seriously!? Why should I force him to hang out with annoying people?? (just thinking outloud!)
I have this type of situation. Mine can also handle in a small dose, but sometimes he refuses to come. I won't force him to hangout, either.
I have this exact situation with 2 couples. DH just thinks he has nothing in common with these other husbands. Once we left him and onf of the other husbands alone and they sort of got along with the help of video games but it was only temporary. In this situation, the problem is partly that my DH hates to make small talk and the other DH is all about superficial conversation. I think if they could get past that they actually would have things in common. In the other case, DH feels he and my friend's husband have nothing in common which is actually pretty true but frustrates me because he is a really nice guy and this couple lives quite close to us so I would be happy to hang out with them and DH is always looking to get out of it.
I think it depends how close you are with your friend if DH should get let off the hook or not. For example, in once case, I forsee myself and my friend remaining life long friends and therefore, DH better get used to her husband. In the other case, I don't imagine we will stay friends once we don't live so close by (we're both implants to our current city so it seems reasonable that one or both of us will move away) so I am fine if DH wants to stay home sometimes and I appriciate the girl time.
@slicey19: I definitely foresee this particular friend as a life long friend (I was a BM in her wedding, if that gives you the idea of closeness). I guess the reality is that when the husbands don't necessarily like each other, the chances of the foursome being close and hanging out often are slim to none.
I'm finding that it's a rare and special thing to find all 4 members of two couples enjoying each other's company.
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A good number of my friends are married. I don't have an issue with their husbands, for the most part. Some I like more than others. My DH, however, cannot STAND a couple of them.. one in particular. And, I know why and agree with him.... but, I still put up with him out of love for my friend and a desire to maintain the friendship.
Typically, I'll make plans with just my friends... but, this particular one, tends to suggest double dates, even though I'll try to sway it to just one-on-one time with her.
Anyway - what I'm wondering is if any of you are dealing with something like this (where your SO/DH/FI doesn't like the SO/DH/FI of one of your friends... )
Typically, DH will handle him in small doses (if we invite them to a party, attend one of their parties, etc... but it's like torture for him to do a double or even triple date (the triple isn't so bad, but double is like a death wish). DH was sweet and agreed to spend time with them - but then the plans changed from an activity to just hanging out. So, I'm thinking about going solo - because I know how much he'd appreciate not having to hang out.
Am I being too easy on him? Should I keep encouraging him to socialize with people he doesn't really like? Or, should I just let him be and enjoy my friend and her DH's company? I mentioned to him that I could just go solo - and you would have though he won the lottery.