Post # 1
So, we did it! 🙂 We eloped last week, and it was perfect…just my Fiance, the pastor, and the photographer. We are having a big celebration this summer with family and friends.
We did tell my parents ahead of time, and they were understanding. Now, my siblings and parents are saying how hurt they are, and how selfish my Fiance & I are. I do not know what to say. I love my family more than anything, but my Fiance tried to plan a wedding, and ended up cancelling it because I cried everyday due to different hurts my family caused me. I am not holding any grudge against my family, and want a relationship with them more than anything.
My family has said it will be a while until they are able to be happy for my husband & I, and that it will take hard work to get our relationships back with them. Any advice?
Post # 3
Here is our background info:
My fiance and I have been engaged for 4 months, and together for almost two years. We are head over heels about each other. 🙂 We wanted to simple wedding..just family. Everything was planned for February, but through out the entire wedding process I was told I was selfish for not having bridesmaids, for not inviting all my friends, for not spending my wedding night in a fancy hotel, for not knowing how my mom was getting to the ceremony, and for having our wedding on a weekday. We are not even able to go on a honeymoon until next year because I am in school year round. There were a lot more things that happened, and I have been crying ever since my fiancee and I told my parents what we desired for a wedding. We ended up postponing our wedding. My mom has now said that this next go around we are going to do everything right…all of the formal traditions, and that I have to give her 3 months to plan the next wedding. At this point, my fiancee and I just want to be together. We had talked about eloping before all of this because we are both in the background kind of people and do not like being in front of people. However, we knew that our families would want to be there to share this with us. We tried it, and now we really want to elope. I told my family that we wanted to elope and they said we were selfish to even consider it, and that they have lost respect for my fiancee and I. We do not know what to do. We want to be together as soon as possible! Is it selfish to elope and then have a big party after?
Post # 4
I don’t think I will EVER understand why families would be hurt by not going to a wedding. This is due to how I was raised.
I mean this is a very intimate moment in both of your lives, why put it on such public display? It’s so personal I think.
I must have the world’s oddest family becasue everyone thinks of it as a FAVOR if I DON’T have a wedding for them to attend. Why? Well they save their precious vacation days, they save their hard earned money because they don’t have to even bat an eye at plane tickets, hotels, rental cars or wedding gifts. They are all relieved of that. Now if we throw a party that’s a different story but there won’t be the obligation that is behind a wedding.
I was raised my whole life with my parents complaining about weddings and what PITA they are for everyone else. My parents made it clear that eloping his highly perferred.
No you are not selfish. In my eyes you did them a favor!
Having a party later is at very best a comprimise and I cannot believe that someone had the gall to tell you what you did wasn’t right. You need to put on thicker skin and work on your “come backs” rather than crying and questioning every move your make. Make yourself think it’s THEM that are wrong, not you.
How about this one: “Oh, since when did you know what is best for Fiance and I as a couple? Should I consult you for all our intimate needs as well, since you know best?”
I’m pissed for you!
Post # 5
Congratulations on your wedding! I am an eloping bride also. 🙂
Now, did I read your post correctly, that you told your parents ahead of time that you were going to elope and they gave you their blessing, but now after the fact they are saying you are selfish? I would confront them on that. I would remind them that they supported you beforehand. And I would tell them exactly WHY the stress of everyone having an opinion pushed you to your decision to elope. And I would tell them that you feel incredibly hurt and betrayed, and that you expect them not just to support you, but to stand up to your siblings and anyone else that’s giving you a hard time about this.