(Closed) Happy Newlyweds..but I’m dreaming about my ex!?!

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Okay, I will sheepishly admit I can relate. In college, I had my first love. We were together over two years, and in the end, we realized that we were just better as friends because toward the end, we realized our differences made it impossible to be together in that way. We really were always amazing at being friends, but despite that, we were also madly in love for two years.

And I think/dream about him. Not every day, but enough to where I was like, “what the hell does this mean?” And the dreams were like yours. We were just catching up, hanging out, I talked about my husband, etc. I’m beyond happy with my life, and my husband is the guy for me. I love him so much and don’t want to be with anyone else.

So, I figured out what was going on. My ex and I never really had closure. To be honest, it was more me that ended the relationship, and he admitted it broke his heart. I’ve always felt bad, and after it ended, our friendship was never the same, and eventually, we stopped speaking on a regular basis … and I miss his friendship, in a way. I mean, we both is in different states, and we’re both married now, but sometimes I wish I could send him an e-mail just to say hi and see how he’s doing, but I know it would be weird. I don’t want him to think I want to start up a sexual thing with him (and I know he wouldn’t interpret it that way, of course). It would just be like reconnecting with an old friend that was a significant part of your life for a while (we were friends for two years before we started dating – my college social life revolves around this ex, for the most part).

Did you and your ex get closure? Could that be what the dreams mean?

Post # 4
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree that it probably means nothing but you need some type of closure. 

Are you friends with him on facebook or anything like that? Maybe it would help to know that he now is married or wherever he may be so that you can move on. 

Post # 5
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I have been dreaming about my ex as well. Not as much as you but atleast 2 x’s a month. The dreams are serious. They feel so real almost like I can smell his cologne. I never got the cosure I needed… So I wonder when this will end. I wake up from these dreams and my world feels so weird for a minute…

I wish they would stop coming.

Post # 6
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Recurring Dreams about Ex-Boyfriend
I have often heard women saying that they have “this weird recurring dream” about their ex-boyfriend. So, these recurring dreams, what do they mean? Well, if you think that a recurring dream about your ex, means that you need to get back with him, you are highly mistaken. Dreams are not that direct and nor is dream interpretation. They are loopy. What else do you expect from your subconscious?

Recurring dreams about an ex, needs analysis. As disturbing as it may seem, seeing a recurring dream about your ex simply means that there are some issues that are still unresolved. It does not mean that you still love your ex, it just means that he/she still exists for you, and that is not a bad thing, right? Next, you need to see what is it about your ex that you are dreaming. Is it a certain quality about your ex? Is he/she doing something in particular? Discuss this with your current partner. Take it up with a dream counselor if required. Unless and until you figure out why your ex keeps making appearances in your dreams, it will keep recurring.

I found this online at http://www.buzzle.com/articles/recurring-dreams-what-do-they-mean.html

 

@layla2 – I would talk about this with your husband & maybe see if there’s a counselor or someone you can talk to. I know you don’t want to, but you should talk to your husband about it so that he can help you move past it. In my opinion, if there’s something you want to hide from your spouse, you should probably tell them or it may become a trust issue. If you tell him about it in an open way, he should see that you really don’t think about your ex. If you wait & hide it in for too long, he may think you have hidden feelings. Not sure if he’d think that, its just when people try to hide things it usually makes things seem suspicious. If I had a dream about a guy I used to like, I probably wouldn’t tell my hubby, but if I had a reoccuring dream about that guy, I would talk to my hubby as uncomfortable as it might make me, so I could get over it.

Post # 7
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I totally disagree. I wouldn’t tell your husband. You haven’t done anything wrong (can’t control your dreams) and telling him in my opinion would simply upset him. Even though you tell him you ARE NOT interested in your ex, if you tell him you dream about him THAT much, it will most likely hurt him. If my hubby told me this, I’d be hurt. Not mad of course, but hurt.

I don’t really have any advice… Perhaps as others said, you didn’t have closure with the ex? Sorry you are dealing with this. Dreams can really suck, since you can’t control them. Hope they stop! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have the same issue and it is NORMAL!!

Did you not have clsoure with this person? Do you think that deep down, you fear your new man will hurt you, too? Do you think that what happened with the x affected you in some way? Any of these could be the reason, or now reason at all…dreams can’t be controlled, and they can also mean something so removed from what you “see” in the dream.

I really don’t think you should worry and I don’t think you should tell your husband.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Here is more online I found

 

To dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or ex-husband/wife or that you and your ex got back together again, suggests that something or someone in your current life that is bringing out similar feelings you felt during the relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to the same or similar behavior in a current relationship. What you learn from that previous relationship, may need to be applied to the present one so that you do no repeat the same mistake. Alternatively, past lovers often highlight the positive experiences you had with that person. 

In particular, to see your ex-husband/wife in your dream, indicates that you are finding yourself in a situation that you do not want to be in.  It suggests that you are experiencing a similar relationship or situation which makes you feel unhappy and uncomfortable.

Post # 10
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

So while we were engaged I had some dreams about an ex too.  He wasn’t someone I ever felt meant to be with, not the love of my life, but a great guy and we had a solid relationship.  I have no idea why I had the dreams as my now husband is the only guy I have ever dated that I knew I wanted to marry.  None of the other guys even came close.  Yet I was perplexed by the dreams.  I had stayed in friendly very infrequent contact with the ex (we broke up nearly 10 years before I got married) and ended up meeting for lunch one day when he was in town to catch up.  Nothing sketchy about this at all but somehow that lunch convinced my sub conscious that this guy was so not worth thinking about – because after that the dreams stopped!!

IS there any way for you to give your subconscious closure? I know that sounds weird but it seemed to work for me 🙂

Post # 11
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Dont tell your husband. Why upset him? I am withthe maybe seeing a dream counselor

Post # 12
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think one thing you can take from all of these responses is that you are not alone in this!  In fact, I’m really glad to hear everyone’s feedback to this thread, because I have had a lot of dreams about my ex as well, and it’s been unnerving at times!  But the main thing I attribute it to is the lack of closure we had in our relationship.  I know that my husband is the man I wanted to marry, and while I had a very serious and close relationship with my ex (I thought we would get married) I realize now that we just weren’t meant to be together.  That relationship needed to happen so I could be in the right place to start a relationship with my now-husband.

I digress. 

Main point: It’s probably more normal than you think, and that should put your mind at ease just a little bit.  If it still bothers you, there is no shame in seeking therapy to work on it if you feel it is going to be a problem.

Post # 13
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I just want to say thank you to everybody on this board. It was nice to know I was not alone, because it is incredibly unnerving!

My current boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and he and I are talking about a future together, I love him very much and I believe he is the one and I don’t see myself with anyone else. Anyway, I really loved that everyone on this website came together as a community to reassure one another and to point out the obvious!! That these dreams don’t necessarily mean anything!! @vintage2010 I really resonated with your response post and wanted to thank you. It was exactly what I had been thinking in my head but I still needed the extra reassurance 🙂

These dreams have only recently occured (I think due to the fact that I thought my ex and I would one day be at this point) it still doesn’t feel good to wake up after one. And, ironically thinking back in time, I think I had similar dreams about ex boyfriends while I was with my ex. haha

After some analysis I think the reason for the dreams is that I never recieved any closure (we were long distance for some time and he kept saying he would move and then change his mind about moving and finally I just said enough… so I had to end it even though I didn’t necessarily want to at the time) and then after I had moved on, he kept trying to contact me and I just ignored him. But again, no closure just ignoring the problem until it went away haha I’m sure with time, as all wounds do, it will heal and just be a memory

Anyway I just wanted to express my gratitude towards all y’all because I really needed to see this thread.

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