- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2011
Anyone having trouble bonding with their FI’s family?
My FMIL, FFIL and FSIL are great. They are wonderful, kind, generous, helpful, giving and nice. We live closeby and see them often. FI also has lots of aunts, uncles and cousins who live in the area that we also see often. FI talks to his parents every day, and talks to his sister at least once or twice a week. FI and I have been together for 4.5 years and have been living together for 2 years.
The problem is, I can’t seem to form meaningful relationships with any of them, and it is really getting to me. I moved here two years ago, away from all of my family and friends, and sometimes want other people to talk to or feel like I am connected with or close to in some way.
My family is very close, but we fight from time to time because of this, and can be a bit dysfunctional. There isn’t really anything I wouldn’t tell my family… we are very honest and open with each other, and I think this has allowed us to really know each other as people and form bonds.
FI’s family is very polite with me and with each other. It’s almost like they’re talking to casual acquaintances, or business associates. The conversation really never gets into anything deep or personal (even b/w the parents and my FI), I guess for fear of offending or hurting feelings. I kind of feel like the dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding who says “you are marrying into the white toast family!”
I feel horrible that I feel this way b/c they are great people and have done a lot for us… but I sometimes feel like they’re fake or something. I don’t know if FI’s family is “normal” and I’m just not used to it? I think I assumed we would be closer with his family in some real way. With his extended family, there are so many pleasantries and niceties sometimes I feel like I am at a networking event for work.
I dunno what my problem is or what advice or suggestions I am looking for, I guess I just needed to get this off my chest.
Thanks for listening to my rant 🙂