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oh no!!!! that's horrible news!! i'm sorry. i think she probably loves you two and can't wait for you to make plans! go ahead with everything, but make sure you are including her in the planning. trying to hide wedding planning or stopping planning altogether may make her feel bad. prayers and hugs for you and yours!
my step mom had cancer and I think used our wedding as a goal for treatment - she will probably enjoy the distraction and joy that will come from helping you guys plan your wedding. Be sensitive, but she doesn't want to dwell on her illness so don't be afraid to keep on going. THough i wouldn't go asking for $ this weekend.
I"m going to say... push the date up if you think you can do so without upsetting her. My cousin was recently in a similar situation (her FI's mom was very ill) and they decided to proceed as planned. Things didn't turn out as well as they might have if the wedding had been just a few months earlier.
Hopefully your FI's mom will pull through this (remember, miracles do happen! and she doesn't even have all the info yet it doesn't sound like)... but if I were you I would just want to make sure she was there.
((hugs)) so sorry.
Thats terrible news, I'm so sorry. One of my best friends was given the same news about her grandmother right after the engagement as well. In her situation, they moved the date up earlier. I think it will be a good idea to keep her involved in the updates of the wedding, it may help her keep her spirits up. If you want to change the date, it's up to you, theres no reason to make it seem like your rushing to make sure she is there, just gush and say you couldn't wait any longer to be married to him. Good luck to you.
I thinking moving the date up is good idea if you really want her to be apart in it. My Fi and i planned on doing this with my mom but sadly she went before we could. I would move on with plans because people in those situations are happy for you and don't want to be a burden on you that how most people feel about that.
Hugs it is rough to hear bad news at such a exciting time. it was hard for me to keep wanting to plan my wedding after my moms illness but i knew that what she would of wanted.
Those are just my thoughts though go with your gut feeling!
How horrible! Your fiance's step mom is probably very overwhelmed herself at the moment, which is why she was likely not forthcoming with what her plans for treatment were. I would suggest booking your venue for the original date (October) to be sure you get a spot. Include her in your plans. If a worst case scenario happens and you need to move the date up, then you can deal with that situation as it arises. Like Bellini said, if you now try and change things around her, she may feel bad. Open communication between all parties involved is key. Just let her know you love her and you will go through this trying time together as a family. As she becomes more informed about her treatment options, then plans can be changed accordingly.
I also just thought of something else - you are only placing deposits on your venue. I am sure that if your FI's step-mom's condition worsens, you could move the date of the wedding up, and if it was not possible to have it at the same place, then I am sure the venue would be willing to return your deposits given the your situation.
Wow, sending huge sympathy your way!!
I'd straight up ask her: "We want to plan this around your getting better! We want to plan with your health in mind! We want this to be something happy and fun, for you! Can you tell us more, when you are comfortable talking about it? We don't know if you need to expect to be in treatment, or feeling very poorly -- or if it's something where you'll be well indefinitely? Have they discussed a treatment plan with you yet? Might there even be chemo?"
Honestly, I think that direct questions -- from close loved ones -- voiced out of pure concern can't go wrong. Wedding aside, once she's ready to speak about it, she will need her family by her side as she ponders these questions and decisions. Asking to be part of the close support network -- her decision-making network -- can only be right and loving.
Thank you all so much for your thoughts and advice! I will keep you posted when I know more and make some decisions.
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So last night FI and I were trying to finalize a date for our wedding and made a last round of calls to parents and siblings to make sure they were free on the proposed date. No problem with the date. However, his step mom tells us (during this random call we made to them) that she has been diagnosed with cancer, its not operable...not completly forthcoming about plan of treatment, prognosis. Of course this is a complete shock and has been on my mind all day. My main concern of course is for her well being. I feel kind of guilty for even thinking about this- so please try not to judge to harshly- but as we were supposed to book our venue and put the deposits down this weekend, I need advice:
Should this affect the wedding plans in any way, and if so how? A friend at work thought we should move the wedding date up to ensure she would be there. But in a way I think thats jumping the gun a little and is like saying "we think you might die so we rushed this to be sure you'd be there" - which would be a terrbile impression to give her.
FI is a little oblivious, not worried at all, thinks we should proceed as planned. My first inclination is to maybe wait a bit and see, but as my best girlfirend pointed out, I may not know anything several months from now. Wedding was supposed to be in Oct. 2010. What do you all think? Thanks in advance for your advice!