(Closed) Hardest thing about being married?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Chores.  Splitting them up.. specifically LAUNDRY … which is why i”m still up.  I’m doing it and he’s sleeping 😀  

 

I’m kind of kidding but you should do your chore list BEFORE you get married and put that in your vows or something.  

Post # 4
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Choosing what to watch on tv

Post # 5
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Making time to see both sets of parents

And adjusting to how much more laundry and cooking needs to be done!

It took me by surprise just how much my SO eats

 

Post # 6
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee

For us it is financial decisions. We set a budget which helped but when you have joint income and one is a saver and ones more of a spended there can be problems.  Setting a budget was the most helpful thing in the beginning. And even though we don’t really go by it anymore it really got us through the harder months when we were getting use to sharing money. 

 

Post # 7
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@HisIrishPrincess:  I totally agree about discussing chores before you get married.  For us (married 7 months and didn’t live together beforehand), chores have been pretty much effortless.  We talked it out in detail beforehand (looking at our work hours/situation, preferences, what we hoped each would be doing for the other, etc.), and it has worked really well.

The biggest challenge for me has just been adjusting to the idea that it’s no longer just 1.  It’s 1 + 1.  EVERYTHING I do has a direct impact on my husband–everything from my mood on any given day (whether or not I allow myself to focus on negative things), to how much I volunteer for my favorite cause, the money I spend, and whether or not home is a calm and happy place for him (he works long hours and I work from home, so I’ve discovered that the way I greet him at the door has a massive effect on how BOTH of us feel all evening).

It was exhausting at the beginning, particularly because I was so nervous about how our lives would mesh, worried that the little things would irritate us and get us into fights (they didn’t–because we made the conscious choice that little things didn’t matter, and if they did matter to one of us we wouldn’t belittle each other over them but would try to find ways to make it work by adjusting/compromising–our goal is always to make each others’ lives better). 

It has been an entire rearrangement of my psyche from a “me” to an “us,” and change is hard, even though it’s a wonderful kind of hard.  What has helped me find the increased peace I have now is that I am daily aware of the wonderful things that have come with that change.  I wouldn’t go back to living separately and unmarried for the world, even when he makes me crazy. 

 

Post # 8
Member
3063 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My husband being away for work all the time. It’s really frustrating, but it is a recent adjustment for me and hopefully I will start getting into a routine soon!

Post # 9
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Making time/effort to be romantic! This isn’t specific to marriage though, I don’t think, just a general long-term relationship type thing. It’s certainly been something my now-husband and I have had to work on since we moved in together 4.5 years ago Smile

Post # 10
Member
5894 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Bathroom–how does the pee get all over the bowl and on the floor?!?! Seriously, it’s like the big open hole in the middle is just a suggestion for a place to aim. 

 

Post # 11
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Making sure after you are married that you do not go from his “Wife” to becoming his “Mom”. Fine line, watch it and don’t cross it. LOL Wink

Post # 12
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Seeing family and splitting up time for them! He has 2 sets of parents, I have one, but my mother is also not on good terms with my aunt, so it’s like having 2 sets of parents. (Dad lives in another state, so I don’t really count him in terms of visiting). Holidays are rather horrendous, because everyone expects that we will make them 1st priority. It’s like the forget we have a TON more family now! It’s hard to tip-toe and not hurt people’s feelings. Ugh. 

Post # 13
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

The hardest thing for us is communication. We both worry so much about hurting each others feelings and sometimes we aren’t very good about saying how we feel. We have gotten a lot better about it but it’s still really hard sometimes.

Post # 14
Member
2971 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

for us the hardest thing is splitting our time between our families. we live about 5 hours away from our hometown, so we don’t get to see them very often to begin with. whenever we go visit we always have to spread ourselves thin to make sure we visit everyone. it’s exhausting, especially around the holidays.

Post # 15
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@39bride:  I LOVE your comment! I’m definitely going to remember what you said.

Post # 16
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Hardest thing/thing that stresses me the most: Dividing up time for family.  My hometown is 1 hour 15 minutes south and his is 1 hour 15 minutes north.  Both parents insist that they celebrate holidays with all their “kids”, so it becomes a little challenging when they want to do something on the same day.  Normally it’s really good and one of the families celebrate on a different day, but there have been the very few times we’ve had to tell one side we can’t come if it’s a certain day (and eventually they changed it with some annoyance I’m sure).  I am very adament about spending holidays together as husband and wife with whichever side, and not driving to two places on Christmas day.  It really stinks b/c the rest of our families all live very close to each other so I think sometimes they don’t realize the challenge we have with that.

 

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