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What has been the test of your love thus far in your relationship? What's the hardest thing you & your FI has been through together?
ITA, unemployment and about 7 moves in the last 2 1/2 years. We moved from VA to CA, 2 places in CA to NJ and 2 places in NJ. It's been pretty nuts.
Unfortunately we have had quite a few.
- Someone that I know stole my identity and then stole a HUGE amount of my money while my fiancé and I were working on Martha’s Vineyard one summer. I had to leave the island, report everything, and meet with multiple people, file police reports and talk to lawyers. He came back to stick right by my side the whole time.
- My father’s heart stopped. His heart stopped for over a half hour. They were finally able to revive him but then he was in a coma for weeks. He was also put on a very strange new machine for weeks. We traveled 2 hours to the hospital almost about every day to sit with him.
- Then this year my father had open heart surgery and had extensive recovery for that. I am my fathers medical power of attorney and have to make all those yucky decisions when he is ill, so it is even more important for me to be there than normal. My great FI stuck by my side the whole time, even when he didn’t need to and I knew he had better things he could be doing.
- AND when we first started dating I was still legally married. That takes A LOT of will to want to stick around. My ex-husband and I had been separated for years, but he was over seas in the military and was not here for us to get divorced. My ex made it take MUCH longer than it needed to. The military and CT state law didn’t help either. None the less my FI stuck through and was really understanding and patient with all of it.
I don’t know that I could pick just one. They were all really hard and tested us in very unique ways.
Law school. We had been dating for 2 years when I decided to go to law school. He came with me (before we were engaged), and it was hell at first. Things are better now, but they were really rough at the beginning, to a point where we almost broke up over it. But now, there's light at the end of the tunnel (5 more months!), and I think my career choice works well for us.
Unemployment and moving countries/dealing with immigration. No real issues from either that's shaken the relationship though, just not easy situations.
my fil had a tumor removed from his pancreas. this was before we were engaged, but were living together. pancreatic cancer is like the scariest kind--really fast and usually not much hope. this was 2 years ago now and his dad is fine, though pretty frail still--we actually don't know too much about the details because my hubby very much only wants to know things on a need-to-know basis (which driives me crazy--i want to know as much as possible!). but he was in the hospital for almost a month, and my hubby just had a really really hard time coping with it. i had to be both his support system, but also really push him to be there for his mom, visit (he hates hospitals) and help his parents with all the logistical support they needed, like taking care of their dogs, bringing food, etc. it was so hard to watch him hurt so much, and also know when to let him be and when to really push since our instincts and reactions are really different. since we weren't engaged yet, it was hard to figure out my "place" and role. his mom actually told me about the tumor before hubby knew, by a week, which was kind of awful! she knew he'd react badly though, and wanted me to be ready to help him through it, and i think she also just needed to tell someone. so yeah, that was definitely the hardest. we've dealt with long distance, moving together, and me starting grad school as well, but nothing has been as difficult. it definitely made us stronger though, and i think absolutely brought me closer to his parents as well.
The most difficult thing for us was him going through cancer. He is cancer free now for 3 years thank goodness. It wasn't so bad between the two of us but the stress of the situation made other people react differently to us. For example the amount of times people including close friends and family told me that I should cut my losses and leave. Also his Mom decided all of a sudden that I wasn't good enough and spent the entire time he was in the hospital not only trying to push me out of his life but also tried to talk him into breaking things off with me. Thankfully him and I have always talked about everything and we knew what was happening and were able to talk to her and see through what everyone was doing. His mom and I are good now by the way. She blames her actions on stress and I am completely aware of how fragile and short life really is because of what we have gone through so we have been able to put that all aside and now are very friendly.
My mom died exactly 2 weeks after we got engaged. She never got to see us...I did send her the pics though.
Losing my brother less than a year of dating. The anger during my grieving process almost tore us apart.
SInce we're in a LDR I would like to say "distance" but that has been a lot easier than either of us anticipated *knock on wood* The hardest thing for us has been that we were brought together by personal tradgedy that both of us were going through at the time. We had a somewhat "trial by fire" start to our relationship.
I'm sad seeing how many of you have suffered through unemployment--that can be devastating. DH went thru it when he was downsized out of a big corporation. But, he handled it so well. He never doubted he would get another job.
We have dealt with a lot during our 7 years of dating, which makes me sad to think of all of it but glad to know that we've made it through some really rough things and that we have a strong base together.
-law school (for me), my parents contentious divorce, Fi's health issues for a brief time, FI's extended family was having a very rough time for a bit (multiple relatives with different issues), my grandmother's extended illness and her passing, FI's teenage cousin dying from cancer, FI's other teen cousin being killed suddenly in an auto accident, to name some.
I don't know that as a couple we've had many deep issues/arguments, it's mostly trying to pull through outside stressors and not let them affect our relation in a negative way.
FH lost his job in 2008; but it was also done in a very public manner, so it was even more humiliating for him. This was a job he loved and became very depressed. Of course there was the financial strain. Thankfully he is employed again!
Grad school for both of us. I finished in 2010, he'll finish this summer.
His grandfather passed away. The days leading up to his passing, this stirred up family "issues" that had been dormant for a couple of years, but were never really resolved.
I was in a pretty bad car accident (car was totaled), thankfully my injuries weren't that bad.
Almost 4 years of a coast-to-coast LDR. We know we can get through anything now :)
Had a brief bout with unemployment, his grandfather whom he was extremely close to passed away, and some other minor things... but it's just made us stronger.
Wow! Tough stuff here guys!
For us, the unemployment thing was a tough time too. My fiance work(ed) a seasonal job and right after our daughter was born, he was off of work for like 7 months. It was super tough and I had to get a little side job to give us some extra income. Not fun.
But by FAR the hardest thing was the accident my fiance was in in Oct 2009. He rolled his truck on his way to work and is now paralyzed from the chest down. He was in the hospital/rehab for 6 months after his accident. Yuck. It's still really hard sometimes. But a lot of the time, I don't even realize he's in a wheelchair. It's a weird situation. I'm not sure if it's me still being in denial (Im pretty sure Im in a depression of sorts haha) or just me looking past the chair and seeing him for who he is. I would like to think its the latter! It's still weird for me sometimes to see him wheeling around our house. And I still expect him to get up and walk someday. IT's our hope!! We had to push our wedding back a few months because of this accident. We were originally set to marry Sept. 18, 2010 but pushed it back to June 25, 2011 because we weren't sure if he would be out of rehabilitation by September.
It's tested us as a couple, definitely! But I was by his side through thick and thin. :) The hospital and rehab centre he was in for 6 months is an hour away from the town we live in, so our daughter & I moved up to the city with his hospital for the duration of his stay so we could be with him daily.
Thankfully in our almost 6 years of being together we haven't had to go through anything that devastating. The only things that I can think of are his dad getting very sick and us falling behind on our bills and having to get bailed out by my FBIL.
About a year and a half ago my FFIL went into the hospital with lesions on his lungs. These were causing him to cough up cup fulls of blood. It was a pretty scary few months. A few weeks ago he went in for a follow up and all is good. YAY!!
As for the bills, FI owns an independent mac and iPhone software company on top of working a day job at the company that we both work for. When the economy tanked, people stopped buying apps (which normally brought us in a great deal of "extra" money each month) but our way of living never changed. We were still spending just as much money as we were when the money was rolling in. It took us falling behind in a number of bills to realize that we needed to change our spending habits. We ended up having to borrow about $1500 from FI's brother and SIL just to get by. This was hard on FI as he is a very proud person and we both didn't really want to admit that we weren't doing well financially. Thankfully, this last year has been SOOO much better for business and we've been able to resume the life we were accustomed to (though now all that extra $$ is going towards our wedding).
Unemployment (for him mainly and both of us right after I had our son)
We have moved 9 times in the last 3 years and the first time we moved all of our stuff was stolen by my family and a few friends. I got some of it back from my family but one of the "friends" took off with my jewelry box that had some expensive stuff my dad had given me before I met my FI.
We broke up a month before I got pregnant so the first part of the pregnancy was rocky until he told me he would be there for the baby no matter what even if we weren't a couple.
I think the hardest one was this:
His ex kept causing drama saying she wanted him back just to ignore him when we broke up (he didn't break up to get back with her but when it was an option she didn't want it) and told him she wanted to have his baby and that if he left me she would have his child (WHILE I WAS PREGNANT).
His family treating both of us like crap, keeping us from seeing each other, drama...you can't even imagine.
But the ultimate was about a year and a half ago when my mother tried commiting suicide.
In 2007 I ran him over with a jetski and broke his neck (it was totally his fault because he came up super close, and turned his jetski to splash me. I couldn't see and he fell off his, right in front of me.) That summer was definitely the worst one of my life. The next three months were pretty awful and the things we went through were terrible, although too personal to share. Pretty much we realized that if we could make it through those 3 months, we can pretty much make it through anything. When friends or co workers notice the scar that runs from his forehead to the back of his head now, the official line is "I met ninjas in a dark alley." When they hear the real story, the ninjas don't seem any more unlikely. :(
i lost a job i really loved. and i went through a stage of depression.
We broke up for a week and I found out the he slept with someone and lied to me about it... It ALMOST broke us, but I decided since we were on a "break" that it wasn't technically cheating. It took me a long time and any therapy sessions to get there though. It still hurts to think about.
Wow.. those are some extreme stories. You two are really amazing women =)
Ohhh this is a long list and unfortunately I usually feel that I'm the one with the source of the stress. I started medical school, I had cancer, I had to do some rotations out of state and out of town for medical school...None of these were easy and I can't really say that we've always handled things well. But I know I wouldn't have dealt with nearly as well if my fiance hadn't been there to support me. I'm lucky to have a very patient, understanding, and caring fiance.
Wow ladies! Way to stick through it all!
We've been through law school, my FI has been unemployed a lot, and two of my grandparents have been ill with cancer. I count my blessings everyday for the support of my FI, and I'm sure there will be harder things to come...
We both got laid off on the same day! The next day there was a blizzard and we were snowed in at our house for a week! Talk about cabin fever/depression. I was running up and down our stairs for half hour intervals just to get exercise.
Good news though, a couple of weeks later we both interviewed for the same job (and we both got hired!) Very lucky for us.
Being broke. :/ I'm starting my Masters program in the Fall and just...ugh. Also, his grandfather passed away on Christmas of 2009 after we'd been together around 2 years. That was tough. I was also diagnosed with PCOS in the second year of our relationship.
When we first got together, we went through some unfortunate events and ended up homeless at 20 years old. I remember sleeping at friends houses, cars, and then we made a friend at a local motel and stayed there for free for a month until we got back on our feet. That was the hardest thing we went through.
FI started a new career that required him to travel out of state, for 6 straight months a year, every year.
Having a very painful breakup and then finally getting back together four and a half years later. It involved lots of talking through what had happened and lots of trying to forgive each other for the pain we had gone through. We both believe now that breaking up back then was the best thing we could have done, but it's still a very painful memory for me.
After that, nine months of an LDR (him in Texas, me in Japan) were pretty difficult.
Currently, I'm unemployed, and I know that's taking a toll. We'll get through it, though!
First, we were both laid off only days apart in 2008. We were both out of work for many months. So on top of having no income we were both home all day alone together. As much as we love eachother there is such a thing as too much together time. We finally found ways to make things work and not drive eachother too crazy.
Second, Summer 2009, one week to the day of his 31st Birthday FI suffered a stroke. If was the SCARIEST thing we had ever gone through. He was unconsciece for hours and we had no clue what the long term effects were going to be. For all we knew he could have been partially paralized, lost memory, speech &/or movement. Thankfully he made a FULL recovery. It was a long road that involved lots of test and doctors but he is now doing great. When he was laying there I was never so scared in my life but at the same time it left NO DOUBT in my mind that he was the one and only for me and knew I wanted to spend rest of my life with. He proposed one year to the day later.
We've been through quite a few tough and challenging things - and I'm grateful for it, as odd as that might sound.
His parent's divorce and continuous angst of his dad's mental illness
Finishing his MBA
Finishing my MBA/PhD
(both of our educations have been major undertakings with a lot of sacrifice on both sides and I'm very proud of us for doing it well)
Starting my business which (Thankfully!) has taken off much faster than expected and required MUCH more work, time, and attention than planned
Being there for him as he worked at a Wall Street firm during the credit crisis. He's been averaging 90 hours a week for the past 2.5 years and it's been somewhat unexpected and challenging.
When DH and I first got together we were long distance. His car broke down the following week and then he got kicked out of his parents house about a week after that (long story). He started staying with me in the apartment I shared with a roommate. So two weeks into our relationship we were living together. It was an awful adjustment. 3 months into our relationship his grandpa died, he got mono, and I had a falling out with my father all in the same week. We also faced a severe falling out with my roommate ending in us moving in with my parents, unemployment and 2 more deaths in the past year. We've been together for a year and a half and sometimes it feels like its been a lifetime because of all we've been through. I guess what doesn't kill you truly does make you stronger.
OMG! I can't even imagine how devastating that must have been! And being cooped up like that alone with your anxieties & depressions.
You interviewed for the same job & both got hired? That is interesting & amazing!
Sounds like a real test of your compatibility!
We're going through a hard time right now:
2nd deployment :(
But I have to say, in terms of deployments we are very lucky and I know it could be much worse.
I'm very impressed with everyone's strength! Just shows you, whatever hard times you're dealing with, you're not alone and you can and will make it through! Keep your heads up!
two things:
My funding for school got cut off pretty much as soon as I moved in & then couldn't find a job for months.
Losing his mom last October.
for us it was long distance relationship for 3 years, losing a child, my dad illness...
Wow girls, these stories are amazing and inspirational.
We got through the last leg of his divorse and child support issues together (ex was more than vicious), his severe depression (caused by Ambien), and then the death of his ex-wife. I know that me sticking by him through all of it makes us a really strong team.
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