Has anyone adopted a child who was no longer and infant or toddler?

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Just commenting to follow as adoption is something my FI and I plan to do at some point. We are trying to get pregnant right now but a year is done with no luck and we’d rather spend money on adoption rather than fertility treatments. Even if we have one of our own we plan to adopt after that anyway. We feel strongly about adopting an older child and I’d love to hear from bees that have experience with this. 

Post # 5
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@WillowTreeWade:  Posting to read responses. DH and I are years away from kids but are still debating if a) we even want to have children and b) if we should have bio children considering some genetic/health issues (plus neither of us have really had that “urge” to have a bio child and pregnancy is not something that sounds like fun to me). We’ve always both mentioned adoption as something we would love to do – and probably an older child as well. Even if we do have a bio kid, I would love to foster/adopt eventually as well.

 

Post # 6
Hostess
15072 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

My aunt adopted 4 girls, I think the youngest was 8ish and the oldest 15 when she adopted. They were all from the same family, 3 sisters one cousin. 

What kind of information are you looking for? Do you have specific questions? 

Post # 7
Member
4872 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have not, but I do have a good friend who is a social worker so I’ve heard a little about it. From what I’ve heard, there are definitely more struggles but if you’re prepared and ready to work through them it can be blessing. Often times older kids come with behavioral problems, many of them are behind developmentally, and often times there are restrictions on what type of home they can be adopted into. Many times older kids aren’t those who came into the foster system as babies, but rather kids who were removed from their homes. This can definitely be more challenging because you do have some behavior issues to work through.

I’ve looked into it, just as something to possibilty consider in the future. Depending on how you are adopting (through an agency or with social services) you’ll see kids listed for adoption and be able to read about them. A lot of times I’ll read through and it will list things like “Johnny would do best in a two parent home where he is the only or youngest child” or “Johnny would do best in a two parent house where there are only male siblings or he is an only child”.

I think it becomes really important to think about if you do ever want to have your own bio kids. I know for me, I do, and so even though adoption interests me I think it would be something I would wait to pursue after having kids.

Post # 8
Member
1822 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

I don’t have much to contribute, but I have a family member who got married later in life (40s) and they adopted a (I believe) 9 year old together. He was brought up through the foster system, I think abused at at least one home, but really thrived with my family member. I believe he is 16 now, funniest kid in his class, made Homecoming King at school, really well adjusted kid. I think adopting an older kid is a really cool thing to do.

Post # 9
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

@jny1179:  This doesn’t apply everywhere, but since you are in MA I want to make you aware of MARE  http://www.mareinc.org/  It is an awesome program for placing older children, young children with special needs, and sibling groups in MA.  I personally have always loved following this program (they do the Wednesday’s child on the news and Jordan’s Furniture has benefits for them) because they post pretty honestly about what the child wants. 

 

I plan on having children of my own, but one day would love to adopt an older child just to give them a good grounding point before they finish high school and go off into the world so that someone can have a “home” they can fall back on.  I don’t care if a child considers me to be their mother…I just want to be part of who they consider to be their family.  I talked to FH about this before and he is very open to this idea which works for me.

Post # 10
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Our friends just adopted a 10 year old girl early last spring. They tried for a long time to have a child and it didn’t happen. The little girl they adopted has some emotional issues as she has had a hard life. They were more than willing to deal with those issues when they adopted her so that she could have the life she deserves. When I talk to my friend about it she says she has had to grow a thinker skin as she gets a lot of nasty things said to her whenever the little girl gets mad (which is a lot). She tells me all the time how much harder her life is now, but she always says it with a smile and says it is totally worth it. It hasn’t even been a year yet and the number of happy days are increasing by the month. She tells me just one happy day brings her enough joy to get her through a week of tough days. 

Post # 11
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I had a freind who was adopted at 6 or 7. Not only can he remember some not so great treatment in the orphanaage, but he can remember his parents from before he got taken away. He once told me a story of his dad locking him in the closet during a drug deal, and the police coming in and arresting him. The poor kid saw it all. His adopted mom was a wonderful woman, but it just didn’t work out well. He became very rebellious, and at 15 he ran away and never went back.

Post # 12
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

A friend adopted her nephew’s daughter when she was 7. It took 2 years I think from the time they agreed to take her in, instead of having her go into a foster home. Since the daughter has some rmemories before being adopted they celebrated her adoption day. She also needed therapy off and on for behavior problems. She’s now 18. 

A coworker’s cousin went through foster care (child was 3 then) and adopted a child when the child was 5, which was just a few months ago The girl has a few emotional outbursts but I think they’re working with a counselor, also. 

The other people I know who have adopted have had infants. 

 

Post # 13
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@WillowTreeWade:  I can give you the experience of my aunt and uncle who adopted siblings that were 2 and 4. The 4 year old was a first shy and had a hard time adjusting to school and “rules” of being in a house with mom dad and sister. That being said, hes about to be 10 and hes doing great in school and is a really well behaved kid and his REALLY values his family because he understands (unlike his sister) where he could have been without them. School socialization is still a little hard for him but not in a bad kid way but I think he is more reserved which may just be his personality. I think it was best for my aunt and uncle to adopt older children because they were older (early 40s) and I know they valued having kids they could explain the situation to, travel with easier than a baby right away, and not start at 40 with a baby. I can only attest to their experience but it worked great for them. Also they had so much money saved they dont have to worry about ability to save for things since they were older in great jobs when they adopted.

Post # 14
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My brother was adopted at 6 years old from Russia. what kind of info are you looking for?

Post # 15
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

My cousin adopted a boy from foster care. I think he was around 7 years old? Now he’s 18.

Things were generally pretty good. He still saw his bio parents every so often I believe, but they were never going to regain custody. I think he was a drug baby, so he had some behavioral issues, and he was on some medications. He was certainly not a trouble maker though, and he turned out great. The family was close and very supportive, and he thrived. He also got really involved in the arts.

He calls my cousin “mom” and she refers to him as her son. You can tell they really do have that bond too.

So while there are some horror stories and it can be a huge challenge, there are plenty of kids who just thrive with a family, regardless of age.

Post # 16
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

If my husband and I ever have kids we will ikely aadopt an older child.

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