Weddingbee boards

My MOH has recently been the source of all my wedding planning stress.  She's a close friend, but some friends don't make the best bridesmaids or especially the MOH.  She also neglected to remind me when committing to this position that she will be moving to the other side of the country for 6 months and then traveling for a few more.  I knew that I couldn't allow her to be the only person to assume this title, so I asked a more supportive BM to step up to be a co-MOH.  However, I have gotten suggestions to ask the first MOH to step down from the position.  Has anyone done this?  What would you do? 

I haven't had experience with this, but this is the kind of situation where I think you should just let your first MOH keep her "title" but have the second one step up to help where you need it. Asking MOH 1 to step down would probably cause a lot more drama and stress than you'll ever need, not to mention it could end a friendship.  

If MOH 1 has done something to specifically hurt you or spite you, then that would justify considering asking her to step down (ie, if she hates your fiance and has told the world, or she has sabotaged you some other way).  But it sounds as if she is just busy and unavailable, and that doesn't mean that she is this way on purpose.  Despite being consumed by planning our own weddings, we brides sometimes have to step back and realize that our friends have their own lives going on, and that can't stop just for our wedding.

I think it's fine to have two MOHs -- I will be having two.  One lives near me, is the friend I see most often, and I was her MOH last summer.  She helps me all the time with ideas, is ready to dig in to DIY projects, and overall enjoys that type of thing.  My other MOH lives in Austria, only gets home once or twice a year, and can't really help me with wedding stuff from afar, but I don't care, as long as she can be there.  She has been my BF since 8th grade, and in my mind she doesn't "have" to "do" anything except be there for me on my wedding day.  I didn't ask her to be my MOH because I wanted her to perform any duties -- I asked her because she is special to me.  Maybe think about why you asked this friend to be your MOH in the first place, and as long as she is a good friend to you, just appreciate that you have that.... let the smaller "duties" that she can't perform go, and be appreciative that you have another friend to step up and help with those things.  

Just my 2 cents

I asked her to be my MOH because I thought that since she is creative she can help me out with some things.  But she has already told me that she is not going to do this, this, or that.  I don't expect much from any of my BM's either, but if the simplest definition of one is a close person who stands by your side and supports you, I'm not getting that.  MOH-1 is pretty high maintenance and is very concerned with vanity.  She is the only one who complained about the BM dresses and wants to look "sexy and elegant."  Would you want someone who is more concerned about her own looks standing next to you?  That matter is currently being resolved.  But should I keep her as MOH when she is not being supportive or doing anything for my wedding?  I find it a little unfair for her to keep the title when some of my other BM's are stepping up to do more.  But if I keep her as MOH, how can I give more credit to the other BM's? Make them all MOH?  What is the most number of MOH you have heard of? I went to a wedding where there were 3 best men and one groomsman.  If I could, I would keep everyone equal and not name anyone MOH.   

I don't expect my bridesmaids to do anything for me. I would rather do everything myself. This is what I mean by helping me with things:  I plan on making my own wedding jewelry, but since my first MOH designs jewelry, I thought that it would be a nice gesture to ask her to work with me in designing something. Then I can let everyone know how great a job she did and kind of show off her talent. But then she saw a necklace that I had made and said, "Looks like you already have a design," kind of implying that I don't need her help. All I want is moral support, not wedding drama. At the end of the day, I know that this is all nonsense. I wouldn't ask her to step down. I would rather make another bridesmaid a third MOH just so that BM gets the credit.

I have to agree with jules01.... I don't agree with your bridesmaid's request to get a dress that is "sexy and elegant," but still, it does not sound like you chose this MOH for the right reason in the first place. 

Regardless, I still don't think it's right to ask her to step down, unless you truly want to never speak to her again (because that will very likely be the outcome).  I think you just have to deal with your decision, accept the generous offers of the other BMs to help, and recognize them with a special heart-felt card or gift from your honeymoon as a thank you.  Being a BM isn't about getting "credit" for performing duties or differentiating who did more than others, and your guests will assume that all of your bridesmaids are good friends of yours who were there for you on your wedding day. I think you should leave everything as-is with the titles as they stand, chalk it up to experience, and and move on. 

Sorry, posted my last response before I saw your last one, Bride888..... I think having 3 MOHs might be a little excessive (and even though it's a privelege, will that 3rd MOH be somewhat offended that you decided to give her this "promotion" only after she's done more stuff for you, but that you didn't make the decision from the beginning?  Would that make her feel like you didn't originally think she was worthy of the title, but is now?  Just playing devil's advocate).  But you should really do what you feel is right and will cause the least amount of conflict.

Yes, it was my mistake in asking this friend to be my MOH.  I will simply leave everything as is and ignore the complaints because there will always be complaints when dealing with girls and their looks.