(Closed) Has anyone asked a MOH to step down?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I haven’t had experience with this, but this is the kind of situation where I think you should just let your first MOH keep her "title" but have the second one step up to help where you need it. Asking MOH 1 to step down would probably cause a lot more drama and stress than you’ll ever need, not to mention it could end a friendship.  

If MOH 1 has done something to specifically hurt you or spite you, then that would justify considering asking her to step down (ie, if she hates your fiance and has told the world, or she has sabotaged you some other way).  But it sounds as if she is just busy and unavailable, and that doesn’t mean that she is this way on purpose.  Despite being consumed by planning our own weddings, we brides sometimes have to step back and realize that our friends have their own lives going on, and that can’t stop just for our wedding.

I think it’s fine to have two MOHs — I will be having two.  One lives near me, is the friend I see most often, and I was her MOH last summer.  She helps me all the time with ideas, is ready to dig in to DIY projects, and overall enjoys that type of thing.  My other MOH lives in Austria, only gets home once or twice a year, and can’t really help me with wedding stuff from afar, but I don’t care, as long as she can be there.  She has been my BF since 8th grade, and in my mind she doesn’t "have" to "do" anything except be there for me on my wedding day.  I didn’t ask her to be my MOH because I wanted her to perform any duties — I asked her because she is special to me.  Maybe think about why you asked this friend to be your MOH in the first place, and as long as she is a good friend to you, just appreciate that you have that…. let the smaller "duties" that she can’t perform go, and be appreciative that you have another friend to step up and help with those things.  

Just my 2 cents

Post # 4
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I don’t really see the point of hurting her feelings by asking her to step down if you have another BM / co-MOH to take over any tasks your original MOH can’t manage.  Yes, there are some responsibilities and expectations that come along with the MOH role, but if you have those tasks taken care of by your co-MOH, then it should really boil down to the friendship and having people there with you who support you.

Asking her to step down without a really valid reason could destroy your relationship with her.

Post # 6
Member
15 posts
Newbee

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I asked her to be my MOH because I thought that since she is creative she can help me out with some things. 

 Here is your first problem.  BMs arent supposed to be looked at as workers bees, just supportive friends.  If she is ignoring you or acting nasty, that’s one thing, but not investing the amount of time you expect her to in your wedding is not a reason for this!  

Post # 8
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I have to agree with jules01…. I don’t agree with your bridesmaid’s request to get a dress that is "sexy and elegant," but still, it does not sound like you chose this MOH for the right reason in the first place. 

Regardless, I still don’t think it’s right to ask her to step down, unless you truly want to never speak to her again (because that will very likely be the outcome).  I think you just have to deal with your decision, accept the generous offers of the other BMs to help, and recognize them with a special heart-felt card or gift from your honeymoon as a thank you.  Being a BM isn’t about getting "credit" for performing duties or differentiating who did more than others, and your guests will assume that all of your bridesmaids are good friends of yours who were there for you on your wedding day. I think you should leave everything as-is with the titles as they stand, chalk it up to experience, and and move on. 

Post # 9
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Sorry, posted my last response before I saw your last one, Bride888….. I think having 3 MOHs might be a little excessive (and even though it’s a privelege, will that 3rd MOH be somewhat offended that you decided to give her this "promotion" only after she’s done more stuff for you, but that you didn’t make the decision from the beginning?  Would that make her feel like you didn’t originally think she was worthy of the title, but is now?  Just playing devil’s advocate).  But you should really do what you feel is right and will cause the least amount of conflict.

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