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I would just say that you found one with a style that fit your own better. That isn't rude in my opinion and it's honest. I wouldn't say that the other person's work was better though.
Yes, this has happened to me with almost all vendors I did not choose. They also asked WHO else I chose. The photog was the worst, because I had to explain like, oh it's not you, it's just me and wanting a different "style". What I was trying not to say is, their pictures are better than yours. So then he sends me a follow-up email, saying how he wishes I had given him a chance, and thought we could have gotten along really well. Weird? It's kind of like having to break up with people...
This hasn't happened to me before, but I've heard it happen to other people. I would be totally honest with her about your reasons, in the most tactful way possible, because it could really help her out.
I would just say you found another photographer whos style fit you better. I think its perfectly normal to respond honestly.
while this didn't happen to me, I can see why a vendor would ask. It's a question that needs to be asked delicately though. If i were you, I'd answer honestly! But nicely.
I would respond honestly (but nicely!) If there was something specific that you were looking for but they didn't have (and the vendor you chose did have), I would include that as well. Hopefully that makes sense...
I would say be honest, but kind (of course). The vendor may genuinely want to improve. So if you wanted, say, a less posed sort of style with more attention to little details or something, telling her that may give her guidance for how to work on diversifying her portfolio and getting more clients. A little gentle information about where she isn't meeting the needs of potential clients should be a welcome thing to any vendor! (And if she's unreasonable and gets annoyed-- who cares? You're using someone else anyway, and she's the one who asked!)
Ooh, I haven't gotten that question, but I understand it's awkward. At least with photographers, style really is a huge part of it, so you can honestly just say that instead of having to explain something like "their food tasted better than yours and cost $4000 less". I'd be as honest as you can without being hurtful, and just emphasize the style difference (candid shots? artsy detail pictures? fisheye panoramas? whatever) rather than the talent, and say that's what swayed you in the end.
Thanks for the advice, guys! Part of me wants to make up an excuse, but, if it were me, I'd want to know (I think...).
I've totally had that happen with a photographer. I never wanted the guy and wasn't even considering him. My mom's former friend is now married to a photographer. I can't stand the guy. I think he's disguisting and a sleeze ball and he has even directly told me (before I was engaged) that he hates doing wedding and completely jacks up his prices so he doesn't have to deal with "bitchy brides". Fast forward to me getting engaged and he now does weddings (he's really hurting for cash) and he just automatically assumes that I will be using him and he started e-mailing me. I had to explain that that wasn't the case and I tried to do so very politely. He didn't take it well and got really defensive. He started asking me why I wasn't using him and who I was using instead and how much I was paying them. I responded very tactifully but didn't include a price because I don't think that's any of his business. He continued to e-mail me and badger me and even told me I was foolish for turning down his services.
My advice to you would be to respond to the first e-mail and be polite answering with whatever you feel comfortable with. After that, I wouldn't respond to any e-mails or calls. You don't have an obligation to communicate with these people. You made your decision, they need to move on.
that is kind of odd. i think it's a perfectly valid question and if you have the time, doesn't hurt to respond and tell her why. but i agree, after that you don't have to be in contact with them anymore. you chose someone else for a reason so just say it tactfully and you should be fine.
Well, as a photographer, it is nice to know why we weren't booked. Was it a service issue? Quality issue? Price? etc...
BUT, it is up to you and you shouldn't be asked WHO you used.
I would respond truthfully and just say, "Thanks for all the help. I loved this and this about you, however, in the end, another photographer had a better album selection that we loved more. Thank you for your time." Like people said, gentle honesty goes a long way and will indeed help other brides in the future.
I will say, I don't ever ask that though ;-)
I had one caterer ask why I didn't choose them. The honest answer is that they were the most expensive one and the sample menu they did for us sounded absolutely disgusting: unappetizing choices in unappealing combinations. Also, they have a very mixed reputation locally and we chose a caterer about who we'd heard nothing but positive comments. I told them all this, but in a toned down and subtle way (I hope). I thought they wouldn't ask if they didn't really want to know.
I was asked by a DJ company and he was completely rude!
He called to follow-up as I had previously gotten a quote from them. This is how the conversation went down:
Him: May I ask who you decided to go with and why?
Me: (A little thrown off but I understood where he was coming from!) Sure! We are going with Vanrock Sound and honestly, we chose them because of cost and we saw them at a fashion show and liked their work.
Him: What price did you get them for? (in a rudeish tone)
Me: (really put-off at this point I felt as if I didn't have to answer this question but seen as we asked if they could do any better to fit in our price range and they said they couldn't I thought that he should know that he is overpriced in his market) I said that we got full-service DJ and MC for $695 no tax for 7.5 hours. (covers cocktail reception, dinner and dancing all night)
Him: Oh! I'm sorry we don't get to work with you (in a condescending tone) - and he hung up without waiting for me to say anything!
I was so put-off by the whole phone call. I was being very nice and I didn't have to answer his questions at all. The least he could've done was say Have a nice wedding etc. And he was seriously over priced for all of the same services they were $980 plus tax!
We always ask because we want to know how to improve our business and our work. We know that not everyone is a fit for us and would never take offense that someone went another direction. I think pros who do get upset or are rude are highly unprofessional and they obviously don't deserve your business. The ones who try and use it as a sales tool are just desperate and they probably don't realize they come off that way.
Don't worry about hurting feelings (you should still be nice), the feedback you give them is essential to help refining their business. I know it is for ours. Whether it's style, price, product options or the work just wasn't as strong, it's good for them to know so they can continue to grow. You are doing them more harm then good by lying to them. It's not like you are going to be seeing them again so what harm can it do?
I like the way @KLP2010 puts it, you can start off saying the things you did like about them, but then go into what was a deal breaker for you.
@eeh2010 sorry you had to go through that, what a rude a*hole! Yeah, you want some creepy guy who hates shooting weddings be the person responsible for one of the most memorable days of your life. I would just tell him his style of work is nothing like what you had envisioned and you were never considering him. Maybe even go as far as telling him you remember him telling you he hates shooting weddings and you would really like him to stop harassing you. Some people!!
That happened to me with an alchemy vendor. I just said that I had found someone that fit my needs better. She responded kindly with a thank you and explained she just wanted to know so that she could improve her business.
I always send them an e-mail or call them on the phone once we've chosen a different vedor (assuming we had asked them for a proposal) and tell them we've accepted another contract that just fit our needs better.
I've never had anyone say "why?" but if they did, i'd tell the truth (unless it was something personal, in which case, i'd say we got a better offer. end of story.)
I agree with what the other photographers have said on this thread. I have never asked the question, but only because I get so few "rejection" notifications from the people who don't book me, I always feel like asking for a reason is pushing it. To all you brides out there, you don't know how much we appreciate you just letting us know when you have decided to go with someone else! You will save me at least one follow up call or email and my feelings are never hurt. Obviously, there was something about us that you liked if you contacted us so just being considered is enough to balance out your reasons for not choosing us in the end.
I agree with Pizzuto too... if we have the guts to ask you why you didn't book us, please be 100% honest! Don't sugar-coat it. If you think our photos aren't as good as someone elses, then we need to work harder to learn more. If our prices are too high, albums to shabby, whatever it is, if enough people tell us that, these are things we might consider changing in the future.
Finally, it's kind of none of our business who you decided to book instead of us, and DEFINITELY none of our business how much they are charging. If anyone ever asks, you can just ignore that part of the question and be straight about why you chose the other anonymous photographer instead of us.
I've never had that happend before and I honestly think it's kind of rude for them to ask why and none of their business on who you did choose and why. I would either not respond or tactfully tell them that I will choose not to answer because it's my business but thank you for their help and time.
No one has asked, but if they did I would be honest...but be nice about it. It's a valid question as long as they aren't rude to you about it.
You shouldn't be thrown by this question. The vendor not chosen is simply trying to improve and give people what they want. I actually appreciate the fact that they care enough to find out why they were not chosen, rather than just moving on to the next person and blindly go forward, not knowing what they might be missing. To me, this shows that they care about their business and making customers happy.
I'm never brutal, but i give an honest response. For our venue, we were deciding between 2 hotels and liked the location of one better which ended up sealing the deal for us. The losing hotel (4 seasons) obviously asked why we didn't choose them and we were honest saying everything was comparable except for the location.
One photographer I had to be mean to to get them to stop contacting me. I never inquired about their services, I was stupid and entered a sweepstakes contest to win free photography. They of course immediately contacted me and tried to get my business (which I think should be illigal and who won that contest, anyway??) and it took months of angry conversations to get them to stop harassing me.
Other than those two things we didn't really consider multiple vendors for anything so I didn't have to do any breakign up.
I looked at a shop for bridesmaid dresses, but ended up going with J. Crew. They emailed me to ask why I did not chose their dresses, and I was very honest. My J. Crew dresses were real silk and half the price of their polyester dresses. I told them if those dresses were on the floor at a department store, they would not cost nearly that much. They are only that expensive because of being marketed as "bridal" (this is a common problem I have had).
I also was brutally honest with a hotel. They quoted me as $129/room for the hotel block, but when they sent over the contract, it said $139. I was fed up at that point so I told them flat out I would not be booking with them and why.
Honestly hurts, but sometimes you just have to say what's on your mind.
@mrs Murray, I think that's a little harsh. You'd probably be best not to respond at all rather than email them back that it's none of their business. As you said, they provided their help and time. Especially if they went out of their way to meet with you in person -- sacrificed gas for their car and their time sharing information with you and you are not booking them, the least you could do is not jump down their throats for asking a simple question. Like you said, no one is forcing you to respond.
They have no reason to ask you why in the first place, but if they do, you should be brutally honest. Lying doesn't do either of you any good. Otherwise, don't respond at all.
I had that happen with a photographer. I met with him because I really liked his pictures online, but apparently you have no rights to any of your pictures that he takes. He said that he would give me a couple with his watermark all over it and we could only go through him to have them printed. (A 5x7 picture was about $39 to have him print one... no thanks!) My sister was married last fall and her photographer gave her the rights to all of her pictures and a copy of each picture and gave her a cd that had a digital copy of each picture on it (with no watermark). After my sister's wedding I knew I wouldn't be ok with not having the rights to my own wedding pictures, and I asked him (the first photographer) about the rights to his pictures, he said no, and that was that.
The next week I was planning on calling him to let him know that we "were going to go another direction" but he actually called me first and asked if we were going to use him. I let him know that having the rights to our pictures was really important to us... Well, the next he called and asked if that was really the only reason we didn't go with him. It was very awkward that he called me again to find out why and I thought it seemed kind of odd, but I just let him know that that was the only reason! We ended up going with the same photographer that my sister had. :)
I meant: "we're going to go another direction"
I'm sure there are other typos but that one just caught my eye... I'm trying to type this quickly at work! :)
It's a fair question, but at the same time, I'm just too inundated with tasks that I just can't stop to answer everyone's questions. I think, more often than not, a vendor knows if they are priced too high, or if there wasn't any rapport. So I usually don't respond after declining (or just don't get back to the person, period).
Now that I'm on the other side of the fence (from bride to photographer), I would like an honest answer even if the truth hurts. But then that's probably just me :)
The only rejected vendor who contacted me was a photographer. I had talked on one of the boards about considering the two of them, asking for input by anyone who had used either and talking about what I liked about each of them. Unfortunately, my comments about her were coming up on Google before her own site when you Googled her name, so she asked me to remove the post. Since I genuinely liked her work, but decided to go with the other one primarily because he was able to meet with us in DC (the wedding was in MA, so that was unusual), I took down the post in question.
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I just got a follow up email from one of the photogs I reached out to for engagement pics. She asked me if I was still interested and I basically said "no, thanks. we've decided to go in another direction."
I was completely thrown by her next email "I completely understand, and had figured as much since I hadn’t heard from you. If you don’t mind, can you tell me who you selected and why? This just helps me know what things I may want to change in the future to be of better service to others."
That's a completely valid question, but is it normal? And how do I respond to something like that without coming off as insulting? Because truthfully, I didn't choose her bc when I put her portfolio and recent work (from her blog) up against the photog I chose, I thought my photographer's work was better and it was a better fit for me, stylistically. But I can't say that, can I?
Has any one else had this happen? How did you handle it?