Post # 1
In all of my 36 years, I’ve never given someone a second chance, much less a third. But that’s what I’m considering right now.
I know it all depends on your personal situations, why you broke up, and what you’ve each worked on and done since you’ve been apart, but I’m interested in hearing your stories as I try to decide if this is somewhere I want to venture.
Post # 2
I think if your breaking up multiple times there must be a reason for it. I would say this is not a good idea.
Post # 3
Like you said, every relationship is different. Only you know what is best for you. In my situation I was with my ex for over 5 years. We broke up mutiple times before finally calling it quits. The relationship wasn’t right for either of us, but we were comfortable and had a hard time seeing that.
Sending you positive thoughts.
Post # 4
Meet him in 2004 – when in dates here and there nothing too serious
2006 – started dating seriously
May 2007- got engaged
October 2007- broke up (conflicting schedules/we never saw each other)
May 2009 – got back together
October 2009 – broke up (I had just bought a houhouse and he had a job 2 hours away/we couldn’t make long distance work)
February 2012 – got back together
August 2014 – got engaged
We broke up and got back together several times. When we broke up each time it was because of scheduling or distance…not because we hated each other or got in fights or infedelity. The last time we were apart we both grew up a lot and when we got back together we realized that we could work around our schedules and that we could have a (semi) long distance relationship.
My advice would be try and be friends and see how you feel about it. Really think about the reasons you broke up before. Don’t get back together because you “feel alone” or “don’t think you’ll ever find someone”. Maybe wait until after the holidays to make a decision.
Post # 5
Dragonfly715: I think it largely depends on WHY you are breaking up. Are you breaking up because he broke your trust, your you broke his? Is it because you both have different visions for your future? Or is it something more like ChristinaC598 where the logistics just weren’t working at the time?
I’ve only had one relationship where we kept breaking up and that was with my ex. We should not have got back together the first time, but that is not always the case for all relationships.
Post # 6
My husband and I broke up multiple times when we were dating.
The breakups were because he was selfish and he had commitment issues, as well as severe self esteem difficulties.
I ended the make up to break up cycle by telling my husband to fuck off and never call me again.
He wanted to get back together as always but I wouldn’t allow it for months. Finally, I gave him another chance because we loved each other and I could see the changes he was making. I also did not have sex with him right away; I wanted to make sure that he wasn’t just horny instead of really wanting to make things work.
We moved in together soon after we returned to each other for the last time. We were engaged two months later.
If you are getting back together with your ex, make sure that you and he are on the same page. The issues that pulled you apart cannot still be present when you try again. Take a long time to think before getting back together. Those few months away from my husband before we were married helped a great deal.
Post # 7
Dragonfly715: No, I have not had this experience.
Without knowing much about your situation, I would say that if the reason you broke up twice is mostly related to you, a fault of yours perhaps, or some issue you had that YOU have worked through and resolved within yourself –and if you have now changed or grown past it and are ready to try again if your SO will have you — then yes, go for it a third time.
However if the past breaks were mostly due to an issue you have with your partner, and you’re not 1,000% sure he has resolved it — then no, I wouldn’t advise going for it a third time.
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2016 - Ceremony and Reception: Historic mansion on the water
My FH and I are the King and Queen of multiple breakups. LOL! We’ve known each other for quite some time and have had to deal with “baggage” so to speak. As a result that baggage earlier on in our relationship caused some rough times which resulted in “time-outs” so to speak. Each time we got back together our relationship became stronger as each of us individually worked out whatever was holding us back at that point. We joke about trying to get rid of each other but how we always end of back together. The bottom line is that we are stuck like glue. We’ve been able to establish a very strong and very stable foundation for our relationship which I credit partly to the “time-outs”. While they hurt and were painful they were needed for us to move forward to where we are now.
Post # 9
Can’t say I’d be comfortable repeatedly breaking up with someone.
Post # 10
Dragonfly715: no. They have all ended badly
Post # 11
My (now) husband and I broke up 3 times! The first time was because he didn’t see himself ever getting married and wanting children. But…we got back together…and ended it for basically the same reason a year later. Then we didn’t talk for 2 years. He called me out of the blue one day and we ended up getting back together. Our relationship grew stronger, but he was still hesitant about having kids. So yeah, we broke up again. Finally, after another year, we got back together and he decided that he was open to have one child. We dated for a few more months and then got engaged and then married a year later. We have been happily married a year and a half, and plan to start trying for a baby this summer! I really can’t believe our crazy relationship worked out. I think that we just realized that we were meant to be together, and he worked through some of his personal issues that were holding him back from wanting kids. Breaking up and then getting back together can work, but it just depends on why you are breaking up and if that reason can come to some sort of resolution or compromise.
Post # 12
I broke up 3 times during a 3.5 year relationship that ultimately failed. With the problems we had, it was always a case of “give it time” and “give it another chance” and he would do incredibly convincing things to get me to accept him back. Eventually I had to bite the bullet, because real change wasn’t happening.
Post # 13
He broke up with me the first time, because we had been getting closer and were talking about moving in together, and he got scared. he hadn’t had a serious relationship since his divorce 5 years before. And getting closer/moving in meant that I would find out his “secret”–that he smoked pot regularly. I never knew, could never tell, and he knew that drugs were a deal breaker for me. It was easier for him to leave and be alone than to deal with everything.
We got back together after about two and a half months, he revealed his secret, and told me that he wanted to quit and be with me. 3 months later, he moved in, and started working on sobriety, only to fail…several times. We argued about that a lot, and were also having issues getting used to living together, as neither of us had lived with an SO in over 5 years. It was just a rough transition for us, and we were working against each other. Our relationship was actually pretty great, save for the addiction issue and the living together transition.
We lasted 11 months the second time, officially, and even still lived together for 5 more months after I broke up with him that time.
It’s a year since we broke up, almost 8 months since we’ve communicated, and I even dated someone else for a while. But he contacted me a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.
We were much better in a relationship when we lived apart. And I’m wondering if maybe I was too harsh with the pot being a deal breaker thing. I’ve been thinking a lot and doing a lot of web research, and I’m thinking that I might be changing my views on it. If I did, it would be a whole different ball game for a relationship for us. And take away the pressure of living together, and we’d have a really good relationship if we tried again, IMO.
So…thinking about it. We’re meeting for dinner this weekend to talk, so I’ll know more then.
Post # 14
Dragonfly715: I think it all depends on how changable the issues that caused you to break up are. Like your issue with pot smoking, if you no longer mind, the issue is totally gone. If however it’s an issue that’s a personality trait, I think it’s much harder to fix/change. FI and I broke up only once, but it was for 6 months and we didn’t even speak during that time. We were long distance, in our early twenties, and it all just seemed too difficult. We got back together, deciding that the long distance wasn’t nearly as bad as being broken up, and of course now we live together. We broke up over something that was basically a temporary circumstance. If it had been an issue like infidelity, disrespect, anger issues, etc- I think it would have been harder to move past.
Post # 15
Dragonfly715: My husband and I “broke up” two or three times, always because he wanted a commitment but I loved being single and dating different guys. I have it in quotes because I’m not sure if it’s a breakup when we weren’t exclusive to begin with (or at least, I wasn’t exclusive). “Stopped seeing each other” might be more accurate. Then I realized that he was something special and what we had was special and I didn’t want to lose it. So here we are, almost 20 years later!
Before my husband, I had a boyfriend that took three breakups before it stuck. Those were for various reasons (he was alcoholic, had a virgin/whore complex, could be kinda douchey in general) and we probably shouldn’t have got back together after the first time. I loved him and he was fun to be with most of the time, but he wanted to get married and there was no way I was going to marry him. So in that case, the breakups were a hint that it wasn’t going to work. I think they usually are.