- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
yes or no ?explain how if open to it
yes or no ?explain how if open to it
My parent’s marriage began to dissolve due to money issues. Neither of them have been great with money and it eventually came out that the parent responsible for keeping taxes in order hadn’t been paying them for years. They had lots of other problems, but money was often the biggest arguement they had.
Personally it would take a giant secret debt or something like that for me to consider divorce. However due in part to my parent’s example I’ve made it clear to my SO that the only way I’ll be comfortable in the long run is if we have 100% transparency when it comes to finances.
My parents are still together BECAUSE of money issues!
Dad doesn’t want to file for divorce because he doesn’t want to lose half of the house/cars, and Mom CAN’T file because she stays at home with my MUCH younger siblings, and doesn’t work!
No. I mean, mine could say that, but I don’t think it is ever soley money issues, ime. It is more communication that came off as money issues.
My parents have issues relating to money but I don’t want to get into that on here.
I will say money is one reason I ended a relationship. We were in our early 20s and both working full time, but he was always getting into debt and not saving, even as he got promotions and raises. Since we were both living with parents, I felt this was a huge red flag. We only dated for a year.
I know that it seems like a silly reason to break up at such a young age, but I could just see it being a long term thing and I have no patience for debt and the like.
My parents are still together, but my dad is horribly secretive about money and has ruined my mother’s credit as well as his own. Of course he has every excuse in the book, and my mom is a little too simple minded to really notice or care. I didn’t start learning the full extend of it until a few years ago, and I realized just in time that secrets are not okay in a loving relationship. I almost lost my FI while we were still dating over the whole “what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him” mentality, and that snapped me into shape real quick. I don’t ever, ever want to go down that path.
We have come to the conclusion that complete and total transparency is the best way to prevent problems. We both still spend on guilty pleasures here and there, but just knowing that there’s a good chance of having to explain our purchases to the other makes us more responsible. We also have the passwords to each other’s email and phones (well, those don’t actually have passwords.) Some times one of us takes the other one’s phone/computer to work, although not so much now since he knows I am hiding pictures of my wedding dress. When it comes to saving/paying bills, we each do what we are good at, and it works out quite nicely. I’m a pro saver and he’s horrible at it – he’s great at organizing the bills and I would just leave them everywhere. One more thing that helps is having a mobile checkbook app. When there is that occasional argument about who paid for what, all I have to do is pull out my phone and look for the entry in my mobile check book with the date, amount, description and method of payment.
We know quite a few married couples who are deceitful with their money, and my heart always aches to hear it. As someone who lived through that as a child, the deep betrayal of it really breaks my heart, especially if there are kids involved. Financial infidelity is what it can be likened to, and it causes just as much suffering and hopelessness as any other addiction.
@bebero: I work in infant care, and will stop working when I get pregnant… The running joke between FI and I is that he’ll wait a few years before sleeping with his secretary and financially trapping me into a loveless marriage like my parents!
It’s dark, but it’s funny. To us.
@Bubbles42: it is not a stupid reason whatsoever in my opinion, managing money is something that I feel is very important. My BF and I had a ‘break’ because I was so fed up if him not managing his money. A year and half later we are engaged and he is much better. We regularly review things as managing money is a deal breaker for me.
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