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@Ember78: What specifically are you talking about? There are some things that are traditional etiquette that I think are pretty silly... I don't think that makes me rude.
@Ember78: i think you need to be more specific. i'm in my 20's, i love tradtional weddings but i also want our wedding to reflect me and my fi, i am very careful in not offending anyone with my choices. i am respectful to everyone, and manners are a must, two qualities i have passed onto my 5 year old. however even though i like traditonal, i feel couples should have freedom to do a wedding their way, as long at it remains tasteful and appropriate for all attending.
Im agreeing with the above comments, what are you refering to? I've seen a couple of Bridezilla episodes where they are throwing a fit like I child. I too want my wedding to reflect me and my FI. I am letting everything roll off my back. i am not having matching bm dresses...who cares? I am using "used" candles as part of my centerpieces...who cares? I am at a beautiful classy venue in SF...and I am using a taquero ( think taco truck food) as my caterer...because that is totally us! Oh, and we are pretty sure we are gonna have betty crocker yellow cake mix for our cake. Gonna ask our bm and gm to help us make them...some people my turn their noses to that cause it's not a fancy $600 cake but hey, its my party. I dont like tradtional wedding cakes. Now, making unreasonable demands on people? Just cause it's "MY" day? I think THAT'S not cool. I am gonna "do what I want" but that doesn't mean I will turn my head to manners. But...it IS my party, and if I wanna do something quirky, like have my brazilian dancer friends who i perform with do a show ( in their seqenced thong bikini's..and no...the older folks wouldn't find that offensive, they have seen me perform many years in those costumes) hey why not?
But you are right, I was taught NOTHING about formal events and this site has been great at teaching me! I am from a big Latino family and so is FI and I have come to him many times after reading these blogs to say we cant do that. why? I dunno cause evryone says we're not "supposed" to.
I agree that it depends what you mean. Some traditions are old-fashioned, and a wedding is about the bride and groom, so I don't think they should have to stick to tradition just because grandma might get offended; I think that's crazy.
What I don't understand though is the 'me me me' attitude of some brides, eg, I've seen people say things like '70% of our guests don't like Chinese food, but I do, so I don't care!' Well good for you, but it means 70% of your food will go to waste and 70% of your guests will go hungry... If you want to waste money and leave your guests hungry, then fine, but personally I find that attitude strange. Or people will scrimp on something like canapes ad insist on a 2 hour photo-shoot, so again, their guests will go hungry.
Our guests have been really important to our planning. We picked a venue that was easily accessible and not too far away, with plenty of accommodation close by, we looked into disabled access for disabled guests, we've chosen our food very carefully so there'll be something fo everything, we're providing plenty of food and drink, etc.
But we're not inviting people we don't know or don't like just out of 'politeness'. We're not inviting people's children out of 'politeness'. There are some instances where I draw the line.
Traditions only last if people keep to them, and pass them down through the generations. I was taught to respect my elders and say my please and thank yous. I will teach my children the same thing.
@Ember78: I've been brought up with good manners, but there seems to be a culture of "it's been done for the past 20/40/50 years therefore it's tradition" with weddings.
If I were being very traditional with my wedding, I'd just be wearing my best dress which would then become my sabbath dress (Sunday for Christians, Saturday for Jews), I'd be asking guests to bring a dish rather than gifts (a penny wedding is a grand tradition in Scotland going back centuries, hosting the wedding with a grand feast was largely reserved for the aristocracy).
I would not be wearing a white dress. I would not be hosting a huge party with every single thing paid for. I would basically be signing a contract where I become my husband's property. My mother would be planning the wedding on my behalf!
People get too hung up on "tradition" when what's considered "traditional" now is generally pretty new.
I am making a lot of effort to make sure that my guests are happy, but that doesn't mean necessarily following every single bleeding "rule" that some people think is law.
@Ember78: I've seen some of your posts giving very nice advice to brides asking for help. I've also seen some threads on the boards which seem to imply that the poster has already disregarded some basic etiquette; but this post seems almost as if something particular is bothering you.
There are, certainly, some brides - and grooms - who feel they have everything figured out and know better than "etiquette" or good manners. But these are often the same people who show similar tendencies in other areas of their lives.
You say that you've only seen this trend online, not in person. Be thankful for that, and realize that the anonymity of the internet emboldens many. I suspect that some of the attitude you notice is due to the "cyber mask" and may not completely transfer to real life, and perhaps, because this board allows such a diverse population from around the world there are more "me-centered" brides/posts here than one is likely to meet in person. As far as I can tell, both of those are things to be thankful for!
I, for one, would like to see more posts around here helping to educate the younger brides about etiquette in a non-judgmental way.
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Not sure if this is new or not, but I have only ever seen it on wedding boards, not in real llife at all. The concept that 'you can do whatever the hell you want, no matter who you offend, just because everyone else does it since that makes it not rude even if the "old fashioned folks" are offended by it, which they have no reason to be'. This applies to anything that proper etiquette and manners says is absolutely unacceptable as it makes others uncomfortable and unwelcome. Unfortunately, it seems as though it's here to stay since the younger generations are not taught anything about good manners and treating others with respect, especially at formal events where they are hosting guests who they clearly don't care about.