Post # 1
At the moment my parents are upset and cranky at me because I told them that I want to move in with my SO at the end of the year. It doesn’t help either because SO is in the process of buying a ring, and we hope to get married at the end of last year.
I work and have savings and am able to move out of home no problem, but my mother is very angry at me because I spend 2-3 nights a week with SO when she says I could be “spending family time before I leave her for good”. I know that as an adult I am able to leave and that I can look after myself fine, but I know that when I move she will go ballistic. She has terrible OCD and anxiety, if I spend one night with SO and come home she is upset that she wasn’t included in our plans and worries that I “hate her”.
I have made a huge effort to spend more time with her but it has not helped the situation one bit. I know when I leave it’ll be for the better for both me and SO, but my mum is so darn clingy! She knows we want to marry next year, and says that if I wait until 2016 she will pay for half. I cannot spend another 2 years at home just to keep her happy. Anyone else have any issues because of their parents when they left/wanted to leave home?
Post # 3
No but I am 28 so I guess they wouldnt care. How old are you? I assume it’s your first time moving out? Have they expressed why they are upset?
Post # 4
@gelaine22: I’m 21. My dad isn’t too bad (just says he will miss me) but mum doesn’t want me going because she thinks I should live at home longer. She is very clingy with me and I think she is struggling with me growing up. I have a 29 year old brother who still lives at home so that doesn’t help.
Post # 5
I moved out at 22 and felt kinda bad because it was like I was hanging my mom out to dry with the bills, but I knew I couldn’t live at home forever just because of that. She ended up renting out my room though so she was fine.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
I guess I got lucky because I moved out when I left for college at 18, so that was an “acceptable” time to move out that my parents couldn’t protest. Sorry your mom is being so clingy. You are right, though, at 21 you are perfectly within reason to move out at go on with your adult life.
Post # 7
You and I are living the same life, sister.
I started dating my husband when I was 25, we dated three months and I decided I was moving in with him. He lived in Oklahoma and was stationed in the Navy. I lived in California.
My mother began trying to talk me out of it. Bribes, begging, guilt trips (She’s really good at this one), the works. My father was happy to see me go, he felt every little bird needed to spread their wings eventually (Although now he is an absolute wreck and misses me terribly) but my mother refused to let me go.
My husband came back home to California (We’re both California natives) to pick up some stuff from his parent’s house and we drove back to Oklahoma in a uhaul. My mother, up until we were on the freeway home, was trying to get me to stay. I heard, “Are you sure you want to do this?” More times than there are stars in the universe.
Both of my elder brothers live at home — One is 38, one is 40. I am the youngest and the only girl, and my mother was NOT letting me leave without a fight.
I have no advice for you other than to stick to your guns if this is something you want.
ETA: My mother told me on my wedding day that if I ever needed to come home, she’d go out and buy a bed for me. She also tried to give me “Emergency flight money” so I could “sneak back home” If I needed.
Post # 8
@sunshinewish15: my FI had the same issue. We moved in at 21 as well. It honestly took a good 2 years for her to be okay with it. We go there every Sunday for dinner, and whenever he used to say something along the lines of “we’re going home” she’d make a comment about how their place was his home. I think it was hard for her to see him growing up. He also has an older brother who is 29 and still living at home as well.
Now it’s been 4 years, and she’s fine with it. We just got engaged, and I was worried that she would be weird about it or try and say we rushed things, but she was totally happy for us.
I think you just have to do it and hope that time will settle things down
Post # 9
Hmm… I moved out at 19 when I bought a condo. My mom wasn’t thrilled, I think she didn’t like that she was losing the control aspect of my life and knowing everything I’m doing and when I’m doing it. But I was an adult so I didn’t really care.
ETA: Ok, I *thought* I was an adult, and it wasn’t that I didn’t care about my mom getting upset, I just figured that everyone has to move out at some point and this was my time. She was actually totally fine after I moved out.
Post # 10
When I decided to move in with DH, it was right after we got engaged. I was 25, with a good job and stable finances. My parents were not pleased, but at the same time they knew they couldn’t stop me. They made me tell my Grandmother in person. “Hey Grandma, I’m gonna go live in sin, kay?!” It was not fun.
Post # 11
@sunshinewish15: I’m having a bit of the same issue. SO and I are planning on moving out in a couple of years. The closest college that offers my major is a 45-60 minute drive away and since I don’t have a car, I can’t do the commute. But I’m staying at my current college to try to leech every class I possibly can out of my scholarship first.
Everytime moving is brought up, my mom tells me I’m not going and bursts into tears. She’s trying to get my dad to buy me a car so I can just commute back and forth (which I really don’t want to do). She’s done some pretty crazy sh*t in the past and I’m terrified she’ll go off the deep end when I go to leave, like starting some crap with SO and trying to have him arrested (he’ll be paying the bills, so if he can’t go, I can’t). I’m the youngest girl and the baby wayy behind my siblings. Doesn’t help that my brother is 31 and still tries to live at home every chance he gets and my sister lives just right across the street. So no, you’re not the only one lol.
Post # 12
@sunshinewish15: I moved back home right before I had my daughter almost two years ago. When I told my parents about six months ago that I was moving out to live with my boyfriend, they were really upset and tried to guilt me into staying. I think most of it was that they didnt want grandbaby leaving them…they still try to make me feel bad about it and we’ve been for gone for two months already.
Post # 13
@Hyperventilate: Oh my gosh :/ I’m sorry to hear about your situation.. isn’t it just painful? I don’t understand really why parents have a hard time dealing with their adult children moving out of home. Fair enough if their kid is 16 and wants to move out because they ‘hate their parents’ or hate living with them.. but as an adult you would think they would somewhat expect that it will happen.
I’m not a parent and I’m sure when I do have kids that I will be very sad when they leave if I am close to them, but I wouldn’t try to guilt trip them or resent them for wanting to live their lives.
@memo: I agree, in time things should settle down. They already are in a way for me, mum was MUCH worse 12 months ago when she knew SO and I were getting serious. I’m happy for you and your FI that his mum is happy for you both and isn’t making your engagement/relationship difficult! Let’s hope my mum can do the same.
@littlemisst08: I come from a Christian background, but I couldn’t care less if people want to live together before marriage. It’s your life, you had yourself set up with a job and everything you needed. That was pretty rude of your parents to make your tell your grandma that, I suppose now at least you don’t have to be living with them 😉
@ForeverBirds: Ahhh 🙁 at least you are giving your parents a few years warning, it isn’t like you just said to them “I’m moving out tomorrow so I’m packing my things tonight.” I’m sure in time they will come around. This time last year my mum was terrified of me getting close to my SO because she knew I’d want to get married when things got serious. Today she told me that if I want to get married end of next year (long story short- she wanted me to get married in 2015 but SO and I want end of 2014 and she was upset about me leaving earlier than she planned) that she can accept that I am growing up. I hope things get better for you with your mum, Im sure in time they will. 🙂
@Ninteenthchance: That is such a shame. I could understand how exciting it would be to have a baby in the home, but still, you are an adult and you need to live your life! I hope she comes around soon and can be happy for you.
Post # 14
My parents were a little sad when I officially moved out. I actually moved away when I was 18 and went to college, but my stuff was there until I was 21 and moved away for good. I think they were particularly sad because we had had a bit of a falling out and that was why I was moving… However, they were supportive of me starting my own life. I moved across the state from them when I graduated college at age 22, and they were a little sad then too. But overall, my parents knew I was going to move away practically the minute I turned 18 because I was a very independent teenager.