Post # 1
I know that you are supposed to love it no matter what, but I can see myself being slightly jealous of my friends erings. My bf is thinking of proposing in the next few months and we will be using a family diamond (from my family) because that is what is financially feasible for us right now. I would NEVER tell him this, but I am a little sad because the diamond we will use is about half the size of my girlfriends rings (they are all engaged or married). I feel like a horrible, materialistic person for even comparing rings- I know it’s wrong. Still, I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for having a significantly smaller ring than the girls I hang out with.
Post # 3
It’s definitely understandable. However, do you think your friends will judge you for having a smaller stone, or do you think they’ll just be happy for you that you’re engaged?
Once you guys are more established you can always trade up and pass that stone down, also. 🙂
I understand where you’re coming from, but you have to remember the ring is just a thing and what’s important is the sentiment.
Post # 4
@Mrs. Puffin: No, I don’t think that they will judge me at all. I’m just going to be sad looking at the big rock on their finger and then the small one on mine. I would love to pretend that I won’t be jealous, but I will be. I know what you are saying and I agree with you 100%. It’s just that there is this really superficial part of me that wants to “keep up with the Jones.” I’m working on it. I just want to make sure that I keep these feelings from my man because I know that it would hurt him and the last thing I want to do is hurt him over a piece of jewelery.
Post # 5
Do you know what’s funny? I think I am one of the girls with a bigger ring that you talk about looking at. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely am in love with my ring but I am totally envious when I see girls with rings with a sentimental attachment to their ring for one reason or another. I would love to have a family stone as an engagement ring! I think no matter what us girls will get ring envy! I have my dress (and love that too) but I get pure dress envy looking at everyone’s on here. It turns out I want all the rings and all the dresses!! 😉
Post # 6
I have a VERY VERY small diamond in my ring (which was my great-grandmother’s) and I sometimes feel that way. Our original plan was because we couldn’t afford the ring of my dreams, we would use this one and then get a set before the wedding. Well, we are still not at a place where we can afford a set soooo I’m just going to get a band with some bling in it and maybe someday down the road I will get a nice rock for my hand :o) I know it’s not what you dreamed, but once the engagement happens and you have that moment to connect you to the ring it will totally change it. Every time I look at my ring I think of 1) the amazing women in my life who wore it before me and 2) the look on FI’s face when he asked me to marry him <3
Post # 7
I totally understand how you feel. I’m so not a materialistic person, but for some reason the ering is a big deal to me (which was honestly surprising for me). I think since I plan on wearing it for the rest of my life, I want it to be perfect. I understand how you feel. I do think that wearing a family stone is incredibly sweet though, even if it is smaller than you’d like. I bet you’ll even have a few girlfriends who are a bit jealous of you for having a stone that has history. The weight of something sentimental can far outweigh even the largest of carats.
Post # 8
I work in the diamond industry. And a lot of girls feel that way, but don’t let him know because it may make him upset and he may be scared to buy you a diamond later in the fear you are too picky *even though you are NOT. Anyway, lots of couples upgrade a year or two later. If you want a larger diamond save up or let him know for x anniversary you like this or that ring
Don’t worry it’s just a ring I mean after a week of wearing mine it was kind of like I forgot it was even on my hand.
Post # 9
For a contrasting point of view, I actually had the huge rock (2.75 carets) on my finger for my first wedding. I spent 20 years having to be mindful of that rock–hiding the ring on vacation, downtown after dark, etc. For my second wedding, one thing I was determined to do was not to have an engagement ring at all, and to have a plain gold band for my wedding ring.
Unfortunately, the diamond industry has managed to persuade so many people that the extent of the love can be determined from the size of the diamond. But believe me, it is possible to be head over heels in love with no diamond at all.
Post # 10
@jackndiane: Having been down the block before I can tell you that once the wedding dress is packed away, daily life sets in and the fun along with the housework together sets in. The size of the ring won’t matter when the going gets tough. I feel that everyone should have something close to what they love. Have you thought about other options that are cost effective like moissanite? Asha? There are other ways to be proud of your ring and hold on to something that is sentimental too. I look at it this way. The original owner of the ring was given the ring because that man loved that woman. Shouldn’t your FH be given the same right? It doesn’t have to be a marked up diamond. It could be any stone. Or no stone at all. You could always put the sentimental ring on the right hand as a right hand ring and wear them both.
Post # 11
@2dBride: I totally agree. You need something practical, something you can be proud of and live your life too. We have too many other things to be concerned with than added stress.
Post # 12
I totally know what you’re talking about. In a few years (we’re thinking maybe for our 5 or 10 year annivarsary) we’ll upgrade my stone to a bigger size. We’ll keep the original stone and pass it down to our kids if they want to use it when the get married. Most of my friends are older by about 15 years, so they are way more established financially than I am so most of them have much bigger stones than I do. I do get jealous of them sometimes, but I know in time, I’ll get the stone that I want and I’ll have something to pass down to my kids too, so I’m okay with waiting.
Post # 13
I totally understand what you are saying. I had a family ring for 11 years until I got an upgrade this year. At the time, I was one of the first to get married and really never paid attention to rings b/c I loved my antique one. But, as I got closer to the age I am now (36), I started noticing all my friends (who got married a lot later) had rings at least 1 carat or more (mine was maybe .5 center but looked a bit bigger b/c of the Edwardian setting). I did get a 1.5 solitaire upgrade (that was a gift from a friend of my mom’s after she died – or I wouldn’t have had a ring that size) and loved it but guess what? I don’t wear it b/c it’s too big (I LOVE huge rings but too big for every day wear for me – as in I would scratch myself, pull my hair out, worry I would scratch my son, etc…). So, I’m actually looking at getting a .45 marquise ring for every day wear (I have a 3 stone ring that is .5 ctw but hubby doesn’t think it looks like an e ring – that’s another story) that I found on a vintage website. If that doesn’t work, I found another .25 center ct ring I might purchase for every day wear. I think I got off topic but again, I do understand and it’s really hard not to feel jealous. A friend of mine who has a gorgeous .5 princess cut ring that was close to $4,000 b/c of the quality of the stone, feels jealous looking at other people’s rings too. Is there a way you can get a band or two with diamonds (that are affordable) to make your ring “pop” more? Best of luck…
Post # 14
I love my engagement ring. I picked out the setting, he picked out a beautiful diamond. It’s not small by any means (.85), but it’s significantly smaller than the diamonds my two best friends wear (we’re talking roughly 1.5-2).
When we first gave me the ring, I was ecstatic. The next day, when I saw it in close proximity to their larger diamonds, I couldn’t believe how much smaller it was and I did, for a little bit, get that feeling of disappointment. But, it didn’t last long and here’s why:
1. I love the man, and not for the stuff he buys me.
2. It’s the ring he proposed to me in on our favorite park bench.
3. It is a beautiful, sparkly, nearly perfect diamond. My friends have much larger stones, but they don’t sparkle nearly as much due to flaws, asymmetrical cuts, etc.
4. When I look at the ring on my hand, it just fits perfectly. I have tiny fingers and the ring doesn’t look oversized, it looks like it was made for me. I can wear it everyday without any hassle, it doesn’t spin on my finger or get in the way of my job. It’s like it’s already a part of me, though I haven’t even been wearing it for a whole year.
Post # 15
Well, I got my ring, and I love it! but I never expected a ring, I mean, for me it was never important, I knew he loved me about everything and everyone, and that was all I cared about!.. when he gave me the ring I screamed in surprise, because it was so unexpected and the ring was sooo beautiful! lol!
But now that I have my own ring, everytime I look at other rings what I consider important is if they are beautiful or rare, not how big they are.. My Boyfriend or Best Friend could have bought me a nice 1.5 or 2 ct solitaire diamond ring, but that would have made a huge hole in our savings and I would have felt uncomfortable and sad because of that, and I very certainly would have not liked carring around a big stone the whole day on my finger (mind you, I´m not even a fan of solitaire style).. of course, every girl has their preferences on that, so that´s just mine… Anyway, he bought me what I consider to be the most gorgeous ring ever! It´s a three stone white gold ring, and I don´t even know the total ct, but I believe it´s 1.6 (and I still think it´s big), it´s truely wonderful and trust me, the size doesn´t matter! I mean, so if a girl really prefers an small stone, she can´t have it because it will look too small? It´s ridiculous.. I´ve seen 0.2 ct rings that I have LOVED, because the setting was unique and delicate…
Be happy, darling! and don´t feel guilty, you just got caught in a silly flow! 🙂
P.D: please post a pic of your e-ring once you have got it so we can admire it!
Post # 16
I never wanted a big engagement ring even though we could have easily afforded it and my Fiance didn’t set me a price limit. We chose it together and I fell in love with a beautiful 0.87 carat three stone platinum vintage ring with very high quality diamonds. I prefer smaller rings and I’ll get a channel set diamond eternity wedding band to go with it so it’s definitely going to be “blingy” enough for me