(Closed) Has anyone made a less than perfect relationship work and last?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I don’t quite understand what you mean???

No relationship is a perfect fairy tale, and if someone tells you that theirs is a fairy tale 100% of the time, in my opinion, they would be lying.

Post # 4
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

If you’re asking if getting married will solve your relationship problems – no it won’t.

If you’re asking if people argue and bicker and still manage to make a relationship work – yes they do.

Post # 5
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Absolutely no one is in a fairy tale relationship. If they are or think they are its probably because the two of them don’t fully know each other. There will always be issues with any couple, its how you work through these issues that matters. Also all couples have disagreements sometimes but I think the majority of your interactions should be positive.

 

On the other hand if you are waiting for the person you are with to change after marriage this is not realistic either. People don’t really change, they can put on a show for a while but will eventually be the person they are.

Post # 6
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

@Gingersnap: Well stated…

That is what I wanted to say, but I still have wedding brain, so I couldn’t formulate it well enough 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m not sure what you’re really looking for here. We went through a rough patch about a year into our relationship, but were committed to make it work. So we went to couples counseling to learn better communication skills. We still use the lessons we learned and are much stronger and happier as a result. 

Do I think marriage can save a failed relationship? No way. Getting married will not make the problems a couple faces disappear into the fairy tale promise of a wedding. The wedding may distract and delay focus on the reality, but afterwards reality is all that’s left.

Post # 8
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I second that–I don’t know anyone who has had a fairytale relaionship. My husband and I have a complicated history that couldn’t have been more different from a traditional dating-proposing scheme.

We didn’t actually ever date. More just like hung out which turned into moving in together rather quickly after my lease was up. We fought a whole lot at first due to miscommunications, misunderstandings, and just not understanding the needs of the other person. I think I cried more that first year together than I ever have in the past, ever. But aren’t all relationships like that at first? At times I thought to just forget it, leave and go off and do my own thing. But I think somewhere deep down I knew it was right to be together. Now we are married and couldn’t be happier! But the reason why it worked and is still working is because we really tried to work through those initial problems and really learned to be more sensitve to the other person.

Sure we still fight, and there are times I just don’t want to be around him. But I think fighting is the sign of a healthy relationship. If you fight that means you still care, right? If you became too tired to fight, then I’d say that’s something to be worried about…

Post # 9
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

@noritake22:  Thank you! I thought your answer was quite good as well 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

Um, well. Let’s see. I am not married, but I’ll see if I can still voice a relevant perspective. I think I get what you are asking.

Loooong story short, my guy and I have the potential to have a completely stress free relationship and we did for the first 6 months of dating. Even after I moved in with him we had a very blissful relationship…then his mother decided to try and rip us apart and she nearly did.The issues with my guy and his parents have been a major issue for about 10 months and it has been rough. There have been a lot of ups and downs and both of us have hit our limit to the point of wanting to call it quits. He even came to the point at one time of telling me that he was no longer in love with me and wanted to call it quits. My heart was so broken. I talked him out of it, and we have been both trying very hard since then to build up our relationship and move forward.

We both love each other immensely (now) and are very well suited for each other. We are working on getting engaged and solidifying our relationship before he moves for 4 years. After that we plan on getting married. We are learning to move with the twists and turns instead of getting lost or stumbling.

No relationship is perfect, but I think if both people want to make it work, whatever is thrown at them will be overcome. I have even flat out asked my guy in a matter of fact way “Do you want to overcome this problem and work with me?” He said yes, so I said “Ok, let’s work together on this.”

So, our relationship has been more tumultuous that it should have been, but we both have an understanding that we are together now and will be in the future. It hasn’t been a perfect relationship, but we are still going to be together and continue our future together.

Hope that helps.

Post # 11
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I wish there was a concrete answer I could give you, but the choice of whether or not to stay in the relationship is truly up to you and your significant other. Like Gingersnap said, getting married won’t fix any problems. My fiance and I have had a less than perfect relationship over the past 5 years and we have both seriously debated whether to bail or stick with it. Obviously we’ve decided to stick together, but that decision can only be made by you. Think about how often he makes you laugh or cry, what your favorite and worst memories are with him, and whether or not you’re truly happy. If your best friend was in a similar situation, or your sister, what would you recommend she do? Can you see things from his point of view during your fights, or is he being unfair? If you guys are considering getting married but you’re still having these doubts, I’d talk to a counselor or someone you trust who won’t favor you or your signif and will be honest.

 

Remember though, couples fight! John and I bicker and have horrible fights, but I cannot picture my life being any happier than it is with him.  Good luck, I really hope you find a resolution that makes you happy!

Post # 13
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

@KeshiaSimone: I think that if the problem is there before marriage, whether it be between the couple themselves or from outer sources like family or friends, it will still be there after marriage. An example off the top of my head, if his best friend hates you before marriage, he will most likely still hate you after marriage; or if one of you has trust issues before marriage, there will still be trust issues after marriage. Marriage won’t solve any problems, that’s all I’m saying.

I do know many many couples who have been through mega issues that are still together today. They found a way to work through them and are better for it.

Post # 14
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m going to give you a solid “Yes” to your question. My FI and I spent the first year of our relationship fighting, breaking up, crying, and getting back together. I mean, we had problems. But there was always something telling us to keep at it, something that wouldn’t let us let go. Now we’re just about the happiest and most stable couple I know. Problems can be worked out given enough love and work. You’ll know if it’s worth it all or not.

And another thing- listen to these ladies when they say that no one has a perfect, fairy-tale relationship. They don’t exist. The closest to perfect you can get is learning how to work out your problems as they come.

Post # 15
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

To the original OP. I want to also say “thank you” for starting this thread. My guy and I are having a wonderful night, yes ,but this thread does strike a cord and the answers here are also wonderful for me. For a long time I questioned things like whether we were meant for each other or not. People always say that it shouldn’t be that hard and the struggles J and I have faced have made me often wonder about us on a fundamental level. I know my feelings about us now, but it is nice to hear comments like the one from magicpotato.

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