Post # 1
We have a pretty tumultous relationship with my future in-laws and my FI doesn’t want to invite them to avoid the inevitable drama that would occur. Has anyone not invited their future in-laws to the wedding and been able to recover?
Post # 3
Not exactly the same situation, but my sister-in-law (my brother’s wife) declined the invitation to my wedding, despite the fact that her husband, my brother, is giving me away. This apparently is due to some beef she has with my mom, from years ago. I’ve got no part in their drama but her refusal to come to my wedding has pretty much destroyed our relationship and I don’t really think I will bother getting over it.
Post # 4
As long as DH realizes he will really hurt his relationship with his family and in the process will destroy yours with them.
Despite it being his decision, they will likely blame you because the immediate family always gets less blame. The “outsider” usually carries more of it and since your not a child there isnt a real incentive to make nice.
Post # 5
My FMIL won’t be invited to the wedding, but FH doesn’t want to have any kind of relationship with her so it’s not a big deal.
I agree with ThreeMeers, if you want to have any kind of relationship with them, invite them. You don’t have to involve them in anything, but invite them.
Post # 6
@ThreeMeers: Truth; I defintely get blamed for everything because her perfect son could never do any of this on his own… I would be fine with inviting her if we could have someone babysit her (she tends to intrude on everything) but FI doesn’t want her there at all. I’m just trying to figure out how much damange this can cause in the long run. She hasn’t been supportive of our relationship or the engagement. When she found out we were engaged, she insisted that she be involved in the wedding without saying anything like congratulations. She immediately starts taking over and making it all about her so you can see the hesitancy about inviting her to OUR wedding — it’s OUR wedding! She had one, I’m sure it was lovely, it’s our turn. She also doesn’t understand the word “no” and will throw a hissy fit if she doesn’t get her way (seriously, worthy of a toddler). Right now, I know it’s a good decision but I’m wondering if its not so good in the long run.
Post # 7
We will not be inviting my FFIL but he left his family years ago and does not make a real effort to stay in contact with his children. He was at my FBIL’s wedding 6 years ago and it was not a pleasant experience for anyone… especially FMIL and we don’t want to put her through that again.
It’s actually a relief that FI finally decided to cut his father out for good. It’s a big part of the reason why we’re still not married after almost 8 years. He had been hoping to patch up the relationship with his father before we got married.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
I didn’t invite my mother. My family knows of our rough relationship and we all chose not to focus on it. I’m still happily married. It’s really your fiance’s decision, since it’s his family. If it’s his wish, you should support him.
Post # 9
My SO’s mom threatened not to come if we don’t have it in a church. We aren’t having it in a church…so…I guess that saves me the trouble of not inviting her.
Post # 10
Picture her doing this when she realizes she is not invited…
Post # 11
I think by the time most people are not inviting parents the relationship is so fraught it doesn’t matter. We did not invite FIL, but to be honest he is a psychopath and DH is estranged from him. I did not feel one ounce of sadness over it. I wanted his mom and the rest of his family there, and I knew that FIL would make everyone uncomfortable.
Determine what type of relationship you want to have with these people, and what type you think they are capable of having. If you are asking this question, then they prolly should not be invited.
It worked out great for us!
Post # 12
I guess I’m not as concerned about the relationship with the in-laws as I am the little nieces and nephews that are about. But in order to be involved in their lives, we have to get along with the FMIL. If we don’t invite the FIL, I don’t think that the FBIL will let us see the kids. I am just so tired of all this nonsense, you know?
Post # 13
Maybe it’s just me, but I think that’s really selfish.
Post # 15
@karebear1913: You don’t even know the story of why she feels ths way.
How do you know its selfish?
Post # 16
@axeyourmakeupkit: Agree. The parent could be abusive.
@karebear1913: You never know someone else’s story. If that’s the case, I whole-heartedly endorse not inviting the parent.