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I am definitely revamping my friendship with my MOH since being engaged. I knew that she was my oldest and best friend and that I was going to ask her to be my MOH, but I also knew that she and my FI do not like each other. Period. Not hate....but no like whatsoever. I think it was a jealousy thing because this was the first time that a relationship had my full attention. Now that she's doing planning things with me, things have gotten so much better because she realizes that she can never be replaced and that she's still very much a part of my life. She and my FI still don't like each other though.... ;-)
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Honestly, no the process didn't bring me closer to any of my BMs because they didn't help with anything...they wouldn't even help look for their dress and shoes (I would have just so I could have had a say in what I was wearing)!
It's definitely brought me closer to several of my BMs, but my MOH seems to be more distant lately. Her boyfriend just had to move back to England after losing his job, so I think it's painful to her to think about weddings.
I don't know if it'll bring me THAT much closer since I haven't really been asking for that much help from them. Two of my BMs are my sisters and another two are my FI's sisters, so it's like, theyr'e family, how much closer can we get? haha. My two friend-BMs and I haven't gotten closer than we started out being. But it has been fun to hear exactly how excited they all are for our wedding. Our families/friends aren't very sentimental people but this has all really brought it out in them and that can be nice :)
I am actually learning through this process which of my bridesmaids are really my friends and which ones are not.... it has been an interesting experience to say the least....
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FI and I had actually called off the wedding for a few months, being long distance took a toll on us, but during that time I found out who were my real friends in my party. One of my BMs (who was also in my grad school program and my roommate) began spreading nasty rumors about me behind my back. Needless to say when FI and I worked things out I did not ask her to be in my wedding again. Good thing we hadn't ordered the dresses yet and I did end up asking someone I had thought about asking originally but we were afraid to have made the party any bigger. It all works out how it's supposed to even if you didn't get there exactly how you planned. I hope your friends come around. Good luck!
I am having my 2 best friends as my BM and my cousin as my MOH, my MOH and I have always had a wonderful closeness (were practically sisters) but in the past year we have been alot closer and now with her helping with the wedding we talk everyday!
as for me and my Best friend BM, I dunno. Honestly I am at the point where I am kind of lost at this point when it comes to my best friends. I dont feel a connection there anymore and havent for a while...I know theyre living there own lives and so am I, but it horrible I dont feel like I can talk to them about anything - at this point I am kind of regretting I even am having them in the wedding. sigh we definetly have grown apart
Truthfully the three who are going to be my b'maids are my lifelong friends. The friend who would have been my fourth, I fired as my friend (and bridesmaid) last week. It made me re-evaluate WHY my friends are my friends in the first place..
I even posted about it last week. I have never deliberately dropped a friend before, but her actions are totally unrelated to my wedding planning and I personally wouldn't want her at my side on that day..due to her selfishness.
Not at all. This process has made me rethink who I chose for my b party. One MOH and one bridesmaid are friends I have had since my freshman yr of college (14 years ago). They really have contributed nothing to the planning of my shower,etc and have had very little contact with me-I have to initiate calls or emails. Granted, they both live out of state and one just had a baby, the other recently lost her job. I was kinda bummed about their lack of interest. But we are all at different places in our lives.
The other two are my younger sis and a friend from grad school. They both check in on me often and are taking over the shower planning (sadly I did most of it myself).
Planning a wedding has taught me who my friends really are. Also has reinforced the fact that no one cares as much about your wedding as you do.
No I feel like maybe I shouldn't have had any BM except my MOH. Everyone else is so caught up with their lives and sometimes I don't really think they care. Which is fine with me and I'm actually rethinking the whole situation of 2 of them. : (
i have eight (yes eight) bm's and i have to admit that its been very disappointing for me so far. i have co-workers who are more involved in helping me with my ideas and going to vendors than most of my bm's. I'm trying My moh is across the country planning her own wedding and we've talked a lot about ideas but other than that i really feel like i'm on my own.
Wow. I am so glad for this thread. We got engaged September 2007 and just barely locked down a date and started planning in April of this year. When we originally got engaged my oldest friend who was my best friend was going to be my maid of honor. Well, over time things change. Now my MOH is my sister who I have gotten closer to in the past couple of years again and my best friend has basically just become my oldest friend. She is a now a BM. Her daughter is a Jr. BM and my ex-SIL from my previous marriage is also a BM and so is my ex-cousin. I have known them since I was 15 yrs old and throughout the years have proven to be true friends and I know that if I ever need anything and it is within their power to help they'd be there in a heartbeat. I know their support the day of the wedding will be priceless. Now, then there is the final BM. She is a good friend, but we go through cycles of talking and not talking. My fiance considers her husband one of his best friends and will be standing up for him. She is also my oldest friends SIL and their husbands are brothers. Even though all these ladies singly mean a lot to me and have helped me through some significant part of my life, when we are all together I feel so not a part of the group. I usually feel like that at get togethers and stuff but I thought maybe through the wedding related events I wouldn't feel so alienated. A couple of weeks ago we went BM dress shopping and I still felt it. I don't know if it is because they are related by marriage or what, but I really prefer to hang out with them separately than together. Separately, we always have a good time laughing and playing. But once we all hang out I just feel like a third wheel. Even though, I talk about the wedding quite a bit with a couple of them, I dont' necessarily feel like its brought us closer. The only one I can say has the wedding has brought closer was my sister. Not necessarily closer, but I explained to her one day just why I asked her to be my MOH and I think that is what brought us closer. We are half sisters and did not grown up together.
Well, that felt good to get off my chest...LOL
yes yes yes! that was one of my favorite blessings about the wedding process.
My sister and I are getting along better since I got engaged, so that's something. My bridesmaids aren't terribly involved in the planning, mainly because they know I'm a control freak and want to do everything myself. I do consult them for their opinions, but I'm not hurt that they're not jumping in to help more.
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Since when have BM's become indentured servants? Yes, they are supposed to support you - but not because you've honored them with being a BM but because they are your FRIEND.
I've been shocked at how many brides are upset with their BM's because they didn't "do" enough. Don't forget that your 'friends' are already likely spending time, money and energy for YOU.
And then for you to be upset that they aren't doing enough, aren't overwhelming curious about your every wedding detail, or planning your ideal shower... come on already!
Treat your BM's as the friend you would want to be treated and the wedding process SHOULD bring you closer together. Don't have unrealistic expectations about what a BM is supposed to do for you and be happy if you have friends who desire to be more helpful in the process.
So far all of my bridesmaids have been super supportive and very excited to hear about the planning process! (cross fingers)
BUT I am very realistic - I realize that the friendships haven't suddenly become one-way streets where I am dominating our time together with details about the wedding. I hang out with them all the time and don't even mention the wedding! I think they appreciate that.
This is a really interesting thread. I don't think it's fair to treat your bridesmaids like servants either, but I definitely think your wishes are reasonable. No one wants to feel like they're growing apart from a friend. I'm sorry to hear that you've gotten less close to your bridesmaids, but I'm happy to hear that your MOH is there for you, and I hope you'll renew your friendships with the other two girls.
I had three bridesmaids, because we will be having a small wedding. My de facto maid of honor has been wonderful and supportive. But one of my bridesmaids and I had this huge, unexpected, and confusing falling-out and I was devastated to find that she didn't want to be a bridesmaid anymore. My other bridesmaid hasn't been good about responding to emails, phone calls, or any kind of communication--even when it's just a note that is completely not wedding-related. It's made me really sad too.
It's hard, especially during this time, because you feel the need for female support more than ever, but it's just important to focus on those who are there for you--and of course, on your future partner, who I'm sure is ALWAYS loving and supportive. :)
I know this is weird but it's comforting to see that a lot of other brides are feeling hurt over how their bridesmaids are acting. This has been a major dissappointment for me and has at times ruined my wedding. I feel like my fi's two sisters who are in the bridal party have not cared/helped at all. I wouldn't even care if they couldn't help, but it would be nice for them to ask or even ask how things are going or if anything is new with the wedding. I feel this way especially because for their wedding/baby showers I was a huge part in the planning/buying process adn I wasn't even in their weddings. It's hard to not see any type of reciprocation there and it's hard to not get angry about their lack of concern/acknowledgement. It has unfortunately put in awkardness between us adn they are family or will be soon. I do not want them to be servants or have unrealistic expectations of them especially since I went way above and beyond for their important events/weddings/showers. It sucks but I am trying to not take it personal and try not to think they are too selfish since it is finally my time!!
For me, absolutely not. Like some others who have posted, mine are totally caught up in their own lives, shown little interest, have done virtually nothing to help with wedding planning and have been difficult to stay in contact with. I didn't expect a lot of help since I am older than most brides and an encore bride to boot, but gee- some interest or a little help now and then would have been nice. At this point - I'll be freakin' happy if they show up to the rehearsal and wedding - four weeks from today.
its bringing me closer to the one who wnat to help but sadly it hurting an already strainded relatinship with one bridesmaid
Nope. Not at all. I go through phases - I don't care that they don't care, then I get pissed off that they don't care. I don't want to talk about every.single.detail, but just some stuff. They are all out of state (where I'm from) and I'm just feeling very alone. I have 2 months to go, and am really excited about my DIY projects. My friend's girlfriend came over the other day and she asked about something and I just went crazy telling/showing her my ideas. Just because I had to get it out. My friend gave me honest feedback (I asked) about my blog I just started. She said I was posting too much. I told her I've had all of these ideas pent up for the last few months and I just have to get it out. I'm sure no one reads my blog anyway. I don't know, her honesty just upset me. I was expecting "it's awesome! I love it! keep up the good work!". Nope. Fortunately a friend in town said she'll help me next week with some stuff. I just wish that I hadn't picked 6 girls to be my BMs - or at least I wish one of them was excited. :(
@ms. rice crispy treat, I can totally relate to what your going through. I have 2 bridesmaids plus my MOH, and no one has been helpful:( At times all you want is to share your ideas with someone, but at this point I'm the only one who cares about my special day. Which is fine.....My wedding will be beautiful and so will your's, I just can't wait for them to get engaged...so I can return the favor:) I know it's spiteful...but it always helps when the shoe is on the other foot. I'm going to continue to enjoy every minute of this planning process as stressful as it may seem at times:)
@Alexs316: I was totally thinking that too! Not because I'm really mean, but just because I'm hurt. Only 2 are single though. My sister got married 10 years ago when she was waaaaay too young, so no one was supportive about that. I feel bad I wasn't more into it/her. Another friend got married last year before I was engaged and I hated her for that (I was just jealous! - I had been dating for almost 5 years, so I wanted it to be me). But, I was still supportive/talked to her. I couldn't physically help because I was out of state. Another friend got married when I was living on the east coast so I couldn't afford to make it out to CA. I wasn't in her wedding and wasn't that close to her so we didn't talk wedding. The last married friend go married last December 31st at the courthouse and told everyone afterward. lol.
Now I understand how important your wedding is to the bride. Actually, what I care the most about is all of the kick-ass DIY stuff I'm doing. I love being crafty and organizing events, and this is the biggest DIY organzing thing I've ever done. I share on here, but it just isn't the same.
Oh, and my mom isn't excited. She actually told me that she's been there, done that, so it's not as exciting. Um. Hello. So, I have my friends to deal with and my mom. My dad would be excited, but he died the weekend I got engaged.
Dude, I'm not even PMSing! :)
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I have three wonderful friends who will be standing with me on our wedding day. I am definitely the closest to my MOH and we've known each other the longest. My other two BMs are good friends and exroomies from college. In the beginning when I asked them I definitely felt we were all close enough to have them be in my wedding and in the beginning of the planning process we exchanged frequent wedding emails, had so much fun choosing dresses, and were really up to date on each other's lives. After the inevitable wedding planning lull in the fall/winter we sort of lapsed in our email contact and now that it's spring and things are ramping up again, I kind of feel we're not quite in the same place anymore. I keep up the most consistent contact with my MOH, and visited her for a week in mid-March, but even then as we were going through some wedding details, I felt bad that my wedding stuff she was helping plan was making her life more hectic!
I know that they're all SO busy and are going through a ton of stuff (one of my BMs met a great guy and got engaged within 2 weeks of dating!) so I try not to bother them with my wedding stuff, but I guess because of that I feel a little bummed too. I guess the drop in closeness is inevitable when we're all in different states with our own lives but I mean, in the end, it doesn't really change our friendship, they're still so supportive and encouraging. Anyway, we'll be seeing each other again in May for my bridal shower and I'll probably make some efforts to schedule some catch up time with each of them between now and then, but yeah, just wanted to get that off my mind. Has anyone gone through this before? Or have you all grown even closer than ever (definitely the best case scenario!)?
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