Post # 1
I have three wonderful friends who will be standing with me on our wedding day. I am definitely the closest to my Maid/Matron of Honor and we’ve known each other the longest. My other two BMs are good friends and exroomies from college. In the beginning when I asked them I definitely felt we were all close enough to have them be in my wedding and in the beginning of the planning process we exchanged frequent wedding emails, had so much fun choosing dresses, and were really up to date on each other’s lives. After the inevitable wedding planning lull in the fall/winter we sort of lapsed in our email contact and now that it’s spring and things are ramping up again, I kind of feel we’re not quite in the same place anymore. I keep up the most consistent contact with my Maid/Matron of Honor, and visited her for a week in mid-March, but even then as we were going through some wedding details, I felt bad that my wedding stuff she was helping plan was making her life more hectic!
I know that they’re all SO busy and are going through a ton of stuff (one of my BMs met a great guy and got engaged within 2 weeks of dating!) so I try not to bother them with my wedding stuff, but I guess because of that I feel a little bummed too. I guess the drop in closeness is inevitable when we’re all in different states with our own lives but I mean, in the end, it doesn’t really change our friendship, they’re still so supportive and encouraging. Anyway, we’ll be seeing each other again in May for my bridal shower and I’ll probably make some efforts to schedule some catch up time with each of them between now and then, but yeah, just wanted to get that off my mind. Has anyone gone through this before? Or have you all grown even closer than ever (definitely the best case scenario!)?
Post # 3
I am definitely revamping my friendship with my Maid/Matron of Honor since being engaged. I knew that she was my oldest and best friend and that I was going to ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, but I also knew that she and my Fiance do not like each other. Period. Not hate….but no like whatsoever. I think it was a jealousy thing because this was the first time that a relationship had my full attention. Now that she’s doing planning things with me, things have gotten so much better because she realizes that she can never be replaced and that she’s still very much a part of my life. She and my Fiance still don’t like each other though…. 😉
Post # 4
Honestly, no the process didn’t bring me closer to any of my BMs because they didn’t help with anything…they wouldn’t even help look for their dress and shoes (I would have just so I could have had a say in what I was wearing)!
Post # 5
It’s definitely brought me closer to several of my BMs, but my Maid/Matron of Honor seems to be more distant lately. Her boyfriend just had to move back to England after losing his job, so I think it’s painful to her to think about weddings.
Post # 6
I don’t know if it’ll bring me THAT much closer since I haven’t really been asking for that much help from them. Two of my BMs are my sisters and another two are my FI’s sisters, so it’s like, theyr’e family, how much closer can we get? haha. My two friend-BMs and I haven’t gotten closer than we started out being. But it has been fun to hear exactly how excited they all are for our wedding. Our families/friends aren’t very sentimental people but this has all really brought it out in them and that can be nice 🙂
Post # 7
I am actually learning through this process which of my bridesmaids are really my friends and which ones are not…. it has been an interesting experience to say the least….
Post # 8
Fiance and I had actually called off the wedding for a few months, being long distance took a toll on us, but during that time I found out who were my real friends in my party. One of my BMs (who was also in my grad school program and my roommate) began spreading nasty rumors about me behind my back. Needless to say when Fiance and I worked things out I did not ask her to be in my wedding again. Good thing we hadn’t ordered the dresses yet and I did end up asking someone I had thought about asking originally but we were afraid to have made the party any bigger. It all works out how it’s supposed to even if you didn’t get there exactly how you planned. I hope your friends come around. Good luck!
Post # 9
I am having my 2 best friends as my Bridesmaid or Best Man and my cousin as my Maid/Matron of Honor, my Maid/Matron of Honor and I have always had a wonderful closeness (were practically sisters) but in the past year we have been alot closer and now with her helping with the wedding we talk everyday!
as for me and my Best friend Bridesmaid or Best Man, I dunno. Honestly I am at the point where I am kind of lost at this point when it comes to my best friends. I dont feel a connection there anymore and havent for a while…I know theyre living there own lives and so am I, but it horrible I dont feel like I can talk to them about anything – at this point I am kind of regretting I even am having them in the wedding. sigh we definetly have grown apart
Post # 10
Truthfully the three who are going to be my b’maids are my lifelong friends. The friend who would have been my fourth, I fired as my friend (and bridesmaid) last week. It made me re-evaluate WHY my friends are my friends in the first place..
I even posted about it last week. I have never deliberately dropped a friend before, but her actions are totally unrelated to my wedding planning and I personally wouldn’t want her at my side on that day..due to her selfishness.
Post # 12
Not at all. This process has made me rethink who I chose for my b party. One Maid/Matron of Honor and one bridesmaid are friends I have had since my freshman yr of college (14 years ago). They really have contributed nothing to the planning of my shower,etc and have had very little contact with me-I have to initiate calls or emails. Granted, they both live out of state and one just had a baby, the other recently lost her job. I was kinda bummed about their lack of interest. But we are all at different places in our lives.
The other two are my younger sis and a friend from grad school. They both check in on me often and are taking over the shower planning (sadly I did most of it myself).
Planning a wedding has taught me who my friends really are. Also has reinforced the fact that no one cares as much about your wedding as you do.
Post # 13
No I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have had any Bridesmaid or Best Man except my Maid/Matron of Honor. Everyone else is so caught up with their lives and sometimes I don’t really think they care. Which is fine with me and I’m actually rethinking the whole situation of 2 of them. : (
Post # 14
i have eight (yes eight) bm’s and i have to admit that its been very disappointing for me so far. i have co-workers who are more involved in helping me with my ideas and going to vendors than most of my bm’s. I’m trying My moh is across the country planning her own wedding and we’ve talked a lot about ideas but other than that i really feel like i’m on my own.
Post # 15
Wow. I am so glad for this thread. We got engaged September 2007 and just barely locked down a date and started planning in April of this year. When we originally got engaged my oldest friend who was my best friend was going to be my maid of honor. Well, over time things change. Now my Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister who I have gotten closer to in the past couple of years again and my best friend has basically just become my oldest friend. She is a now a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Her daughter is a Jr. Bridesmaid or Best Man and my ex-SIL from my previous marriage is also a Bridesmaid or Best Man and so is my ex-cousin. I have known them since I was 15 yrs old and throughout the years have proven to be true friends and I know that if I ever need anything and it is within their power to help they’d be there in a heartbeat. I know their support the day of the wedding will be priceless. Now, then there is the final Bridesmaid or Best Man. She is a good friend, but we go through cycles of talking and not talking. My fiance considers her husband one of his best friends and will be standing up for him. She is also my oldest friends SIL and their husbands are brothers. Even though all these ladies singly mean a lot to me and have helped me through some significant part of my life, when we are all together I feel so not a part of the group. I usually feel like that at get togethers and stuff but I thought maybe through the wedding related events I wouldn’t feel so alienated. A couple of weeks ago we went Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping and I still felt it. I don’t know if it is because they are related by marriage or what, but I really prefer to hang out with them separately than together. Separately, we always have a good time laughing and playing. But once we all hang out I just feel like a third wheel. Even though, I talk about the wedding quite a bit with a couple of them, I dont’ necessarily feel like its brought us closer. The only one I can say has the wedding has brought closer was my sister. Not necessarily closer, but I explained to her one day just why I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and I think that is what brought us closer. We are half sisters and did not grown up together.
Well, that felt good to get off my chest…LOL
Post # 16
yes yes yes! that was one of my favorite blessings about the wedding process.