(Closed) Has this happened to anyone else?! (Invitations drama)

posted 5 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@madteaparty:  the fiance’s best friend’s sister’s boyfriend… that sounds like the beginning of a bad joke…. but seriously, i think you answered appropriately. I am just at the beginning of making a guest list and I worry about the same issue because we do have a budget to maintain. I honestly think people don’t realize what they are doing when they ask to bring a date that wasn’t invited. In my area, a lot of weddings are “open.” There is just a buffet, and they are casual. Come one, come all. But for more formal events, with catered, dinner type events, actual numbers become more important because it DOES affect your budget. People just don’t realize what they are doing when they ask to bring an extra person. I think you handled it appropriately.

Post # 5
27 posts
  • Wedding: April 2013

I feel like this kind of stuff happens to everyone. We decided in an attempt to keep our #s low since we’re paying for the wedding ourselves, not to invite Fi’s 10+ cousins + their dates. When the aunts and uncles got their invitations with their names only, FI’s father took it upon himself to say “well they meant to say and family” Not all of them are coming, but we had to add a couple of extra tables! I swear people just don’t think about the financial strain it may cause (which is upwards of $1500 in this case) or the reasoning the bride/groom made those decisions (we wanted a small intimate wedding even if budget wasn’t an issue. Fiance hasn’t talked to these cousins in years, didn’t know half their names and had no clue where to even get an address from).

I think your response is more than appropriate. I wish my Fiance would’ve handled our situation more similarly to the way you handled yours.

Post # 6
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@madteaparty:  I think what you responded was totally reasonable – and gives you a good out, should you decide you just don’t want him there. People’s boldness never fails to amaze me though. 

Post # 8
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@madteaparty:  Oh that whole cousins popping out of thin air happened to me as well. It was terrible. His dad all of a sudden decided we should invite ALL of FI’s cousins (25+) instead of just the closer ones. Then, Future Mother-In-Law also instructed us to invite them all with plus ones. We ended up compromising and inviting SOs of at least one year. His dad warned us that people will probably ask to bring their kids and/or a guest (even if they weren’t invited with one). We are sending out invites this week so I’m a little worried about getting these calls. We are right at our limit (310) so it will be a firm “no” even if we do end up having more space as we had originally planned on only inviting 270. 

Post # 10
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am afraid this is going to happen to us too as we both have large families and there are just certain people we dont want to invited for different reasons. One cousin on FI’s side we are not inviting her kids…but we are prepared for her to rsvp for all 4 of them. lol But thankfully our venue can hold a lot of people and our per person price is fairly low compared to a lot of people I see on here.

Post # 11
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We had this happen!  It happens all the time, people either just don’t think about the money, space, WHO it was addressed to, etc. OR they decide “too bad, I want to bring my bf”.  You reacted appropriately, it’s not rude to tell the truth and try to gently remind people that there are space and money issues involved, not just who you like vs who you don’t.  I have faith that if people really thought about what they were asking they wouldn’t do it…that may be wishful thinking though :0)

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