Post # 1
Has your FMIL ever made you not invite a family member? Long story short, FI’s parents are mad at his uncle for various reasons surrounding his grandfather’s death. I just assumed that all family was invited, but was told specifically not to invite them. Well about two weeks after invitations went out… FMIL asks me if I invited Uncle X. I was like, no you told me not to, plus I don’t have his address. She says “ok good, because we don’t want them there!” A few weeks later she asks me again if I ever invited them… umm no, because you said it would be best to not include them. Then all of a sudden, she acts like it was my idea not to invite them. Apparently my FFIL had no clue she was not inviting them, got mad, and she calls my FI to tell him to call Uncle X and act like we never got a response back from them. Ok, so lie?!
She then calls me to make sure he has his number. I tell FI the number and he asks if I’ve called Uncle X yet. Um no… because I’m not getting into this drama. He’s your uncle that your mom didn’t want to invite, but is now changing her mind because your dad is upset. Haha, drama right? Anyway, so he calls him and there’s no answer. I felt uncomfortable this ENTIRE time not inviting them, because I actually like them, and feel that family comes first… even if you are mad at them. (Something FMIL has been preaching to me since we got engaged, um ok). I know my FI isn’t going to follow up, so I finally decide to message Aunt X on facebook and lie…
“FMIL called me to see if y’all were coming to the wedding. I realized we haven’t gotten a response yet. Are y’all coming, we would love to see you there!” She responds… “Sorry, we did not get an invitation”. I respond, “Oh really… I’m sure we addressed all the envelopes and haven’t gotten any returned for wrong address. What’s your address to make sure?” So yea, I gave in and lied to his family so that somehow in someway, in the future there will be no hard feelings.
The things we marry into! 🙂
Post # 3
Did they end up coming for the wedding?
Post # 4
Omg, yes! Are you sure we don’t have the same FMIL (well. MIL, in your case)? I feel like my situation is going to end up similar. Basically, FMIL hates her only sister and one of her brothers. Her sister screwed FFIL and FMIL when it comes to taxes, she was their bookeeper for their business and she neglect to pay millions in taxes. Doesn’t sound like anyone I’d want at my wedding anyway. FMIL’s brother treated his wife badly and cheated on her, then divorced her when he’d gone into debt, leaving her with nothing. His wife also happens to be FMIL’s best friend. So, she took her best friend’s side.
Anyway, when FCIL got married in May, FMIL forbade her from inviting her brother and sister. So, I just assumed that for her own son’s wedding, her mind wouldn’t be changed. A couple weeks ago we were making a verbal guest list estimate to determine how many hotel rooms we needed. She said, “If D and W come, they’ll need rooms for their families, too.” So, I just said, I’m not inviting them because I don’t want the drama. She was like, “Yeah, that’s for the best.”
I bet she’s gonna end up blaming me for not inviting them if anybody gets upset.
Post # 5
Wow, that’s really unfair of them to put you in that position.
Post # 6
@bRooklynRocks: They did end up coming. They took tons of pictures and gave us an extremely nice wedding gift.
Aunt X told me she thought they didn’t get an invitation because “everyone is mad at us”. I just had to look at her and say, “I don’t know anything about that. Talk to FMIL or FFIL I guess, because I’m not mad”. In the end, I’m glad they came and I’m really happy it didn’t tarnish our relationship with the extended famile. Geez!
Post # 7
@kperry3: I’m glad they ended up coming because YOU don’t have a problem with them and they were happy with you and didn’t mess up your day. Sometimes these little quarels are just that, little quarels. I’m so glad you enjoyed your day month twin!
Post # 8
We absolutely had the same issue. My MIL gave me an address for someone on my FIL’s side of the family and had Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Michael on the original address. She re-looked at the list and told me to take off “and Michael” b/c she didn’t think he needed to be invited.
Well, when Mr. & Mrs. Smith called her to demand why Michael wasn’t invited, she blamed me and said I must not have addressed the invitation correctly! I was furious. They all ended up not coming b/c of how offended they were and they think it’s my fault. I let it go since they never talk to that side of the family, but I definitely wasn’t happy with my MIL!