Post # 1
I’m not sure if I believe, “if he will do it for you, he will do it to you” when it comes to cheating. I’m also not sure if “once a cheater, always a cheater” always applies. I think people can change if they want but they definitely can’t be forced to.
I am not asking if your partner cheated on you (although that certainly counts). I am asking if he has ever admitted to cheating in general (meaning in past relationships). Would you be with someone who has admitted to cheating, even if it was on someone else?
Personally, I don’t think I could be with someone who has cheated. MrPanda99 was faithful in all of his relationships, including ours (at least that I know of :P). If that wasn’t the case, I think I would question his moral fiber and fidelity.
How about you?
Post # 3
My FI hasn’t and I never have, but in past relationships I’ve been with cheaters, that’s why I have the zero tolerance policy.
Post # 4
I’m really DH’s only serious relationship (he previously dated his ex for 3 months), but was faithful to her and has (emotionally) cheated on me. I suspect he also kissed an ex-coworker years ago (and was known to slap servers on the butt–he’s a chef), but denies it ’til he’s blue in the face.
Post # 5
He hasn’t, although he was never in a real exclusive relationship before me.
I do want to say that people can change. I cheated in almost every relationship prior to my FI. Am I proud of that? No. I feel terrible and I think that stemmed out of immaturity (I was 20 and younger) and some personality issues I’ve since dealt with. However, I’ve been with my FI 5 years and I have never even come close to cheating on him and I know I never will. So… people can change IMO 🙂
Post # 6
@MsMonkey: I didn’t even think about asking people if they were the guilty party. Perhaps a spinoff is in order later. I am glad that you met the one who makes you happy!
Post # 7
@MrsPanda99: Whoa whoa whoa, what? He TOTALLY cheated on you with “fat version” of you like a week ago, remember?
My guy has not cheated on anyone, and I wouldn’t be with him if he had. Not just that I’d be worried he’d cheat on me, but even more so that cheating is a horrible thing to do, and if would show me he had bad character by cheating. I don’t want to be with someone who is a terrible person to others, even if they are great to me.
Post # 8
No, he hasn’t.
I think that it would be really hard for me to be with someone that was so dishonest in a past relationship. I think cheating says a lot about a person and personally I just don’t ever think there is an excuse for it (okay, maybe there are some extreme circumstances). If they rationalized it in a past relationship what is to stop them from finding an excuse to do it again? I think everyone deserves the respect of their SO just ending things instead of straying. If I knew he cheated on a past GF/FI/DW I would just think he was a dick and most likely wouldn’t be with him. In most cases, not all, I do believe in ‘once a cheater, always a cheater.’ And don’t even get me started on women who start off as mistresses and then are shocked when the guys turn around and cheat on them, too. Really? Are you that surprised?
Post # 9
@MrsPanda99: He cheated on one gf, one time, when he was a teenager. She wasn’t a serious gf and I don’t worry about him cheating on me.
ETA: If he cheated in a serious, adult relationship, then yes, I would question his character.
Post # 10
Mr TTR and I had this talk early on… when we were in the get to know you phase of dating. And I do think it is one of those important topics that should be talked about.
I was impressed with his answer, and he was DEAD SERIOUS, as he was cheated on in the past and it hurt him immensely.
“IF you feel our relationship is over. Or you have the need to be with someone else… then I want to the second person who knows that… and not hear about it 3rd, 4th or farther down the road in a long list (he heard from a friend that his then SO was stepping out on him). You figure out that it isn’t working… and then you tell me. Give me that respect. Don’t go out and f-around with someone else, and then go… ooops I need to let Mr TTR know now. Have the decency to come to me first. “
Pretty straight forward if you ask me.
And hard to deny.
Told me right off I was with a man with integrity.
Not that any of this is a concern / worry for me, because I have no plans of ever stepping out on this man. I was faithful in my Marriage for over 20 Years… I KNOW what kind of woman I am, and where my allegiance lies, and that I can take a vow seriously.
IF I had asked such a Question of someone in the early dating phase, and they told me they had cheated on someone… then ya, that would have coloured my perception of them. More so if they had done it while in a committed relationship (Long Term – Engaged – Living Together – Married etc). I would have in those cases definitely have stopped pursuing more out of the relationship.
AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE… I KNOW ME. AND I KNOW WHAT I WANT / DESERVE. I DON’T WASTE MY TIME WITH PEOPLE WHO AREN’T ON THE SAME WAVE LENGTH.
Hence I voted for the last choice in your Poll… NOT CHEATED – WOULDN’T BE WITH HIM IF HE HAD
Hope this helps,
Post # 11
No, and I’d never be with a guy who was a cheater. That’s unforgivable filthy behavior.
Post # 12
He hasn’t been in any serious relationships before so no, he hasn’t cheated.
I wish people didn’t think that those who have cheated are automatically bad people :/ As someone who has cheated on an ex in the past (and still feels guilt about it) it doesn’t make me feel great that people think I have a bad character because of a mistake I made almost 4 years ago. I certainly don’t believe “once a cheater always a cheater.” I’m not going to make excuses for why I cheated (because I know there are no excuses), however, I think you need to look at each situation individually before making a decision about a person’s character. I learned a lot from that relationship and situation and have not strayed again. To say that because I cheated once, I will cheat again is just silly.
DH knows everything about this and expressed concerns early in the relationship that I would cheat on him, however, he realized that people do change. I’m glad he gave me that chance and didn’t dump me because I have “bad character.”
Post # 13
I would have too much of a hard time trying to trust a cheater. I feel like I have the best FI in the world…I love him so much and am so happy that he’s not a cheater and never has been.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
He has never cheated on me or anyone, and I have never cheated on him or anyone. We were both with cheaters in the past, and that hurt both of us deeply, and so I think that even if shit happened neither of us would.
I voted I would still be with him based on NOW. If I had found out when we were first dating that he cheated on someone, I would have broken it off because the relationship before him was the one where I was cheated on, and it crushed me so deeply. If he cheated now I cannot honestly say that I would leave him if he apologized and said it was a huge mistake, etc etc. Part of that could be I cant even really imagine it, so that might taint my answer!
Post # 15
My S/O and I have a pretty don’t ask, don’t tell relationship about prior relationships. I don’t particularly want to know all the details about his ex and I don’t discuss mine either, the past is the past for a reason. However we have discussed cheating and whether or not we ever have. Both of our answers are no and that is very important to me. So no, I would not date someone that had cheated on a prior relationship, but then again I will be the first person to admit that I have somewhat of a “holier than thou” moral outlook. I don’t believe that cheating is an “accident” or a “mistake”, I believe it is a choice. And I want to be with someone who takes as much pride in their life choices as I do.
Post # 16
@MrsPanda99: I”m not aware that FH has ever cheated in a past relationship but I have. I have cheated, I have also been ‘the other woman’. That said – FH and I started dating when I was 21 so all my indescretions happened when I was very young.
When FH and I started dating I made sure he knew all about my past (as some of it involved mutual friends and I wanted to be sure he heard from me). He now chooses to pretend that he is my one and only and I was completely innocent before him.