- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
I’m just curious if your relationship with your family has changed at all since you got engaged and started wedding planning?
My friend pointed out to me, and I now realize, that any marriage is an adjustment on a family. It’s also very stressful and nerve wracking…can bring out the best and worst in any family/anyone. I do agree. I never realized that though, until I was in the situation myself.
I’ve just been a bit sad/down about it lately. My relationship has changed. I hope it can get back to the way it was before. But for now its different. I guess the adjustment on the family can sometimes start way before the marriage….maybe with the engagement.
My fiance used to work A LOT on the weekends and odd hours. Since I lived alone and get lonely easily/need human interaction, I would often spend one night with my boyfriend and the rest of the weekend with my family(over one hour away…I live that far away due to work). At the time, our relationship wasn’t even that stable…he went through an *immature phase*…which he finally got over:)
Anyways, when we got engaged, we didn’t tell my family for awhile. Also, around our engagement fiance had a major, severe knee surgery. This was not the time to breaking to our families that we were engaged, especially to his meddlesome mother: but he accidentally told his mom we got engaged as he wokeup from anesthesia. This of course led to much drama at the time.
Anyways, fiance had to stop working for the surgery…..and I started spending a lot of time with him, especially on the weekends, just taking care of him and being with him…he was so helpless and I liked cheering him up, etc. So I stopped coming home so much(every weekend). As fiance, got better he still wasn’t working………so I stopped going home so much to take advantage of the time we had to spend together(after having hardly anytime before when he worked so much!). I planned on coming home more often when my fiance started working again, but guess what?……he still hasn’t returned: he’s still recovering.
When I told my family we were engaged, they were a bit surprised, and I do think it changed the relationship with one of my sisters even more…we argue constantly over anything. I really think there is a deeper issue there…..hence, my sisters are not my BMs Both of them have always been negative and cynical about marriage(They are older and unmarried). She also seemed resentful that I didn’t come home as much as I used to…….but she is actually pretty rude to me when I am home anyways.
Then, fiance moved in with me. I used to spend my summers(I am a teacher) practically living at my parents’ house(could not bare to spend a summer alone with nothing to do), but since fiance moved in with me this summer, I also stopped going home so much. It just kind of happened. Fiance didn’t really want to be left at home alone so much. Plus he planned to return to work later this summer, but he couldn’t(yay!).
At the same time, we started majorly wedding planning this summer. I think this caused a whole can of issues at home. My mom acts really weird at times….kind of like a momzilla/overbearing…there were moments when she was real judgmental and wanted to control the whole thing, etc. Then other times she is a bit snotty. I often feel like crying whenever I get off the phone with her. Also, I felt like my sisters weren’t being that supportive(they hardly know my FI). Well, there are moments when I miss coming home so often, but then conversations on the phone or times when I do go home, it makes me realize why I avoid going home so often now! I can barely stand being there now. I just want to leave! It is not a good experience at home. My mom will even try to get real nosey and control my relationship with FI. At the same my parents also started redoing my room/turning it into a guest room, and even made it so I can’t sleep in there anymore……so I just don’t really want to sleep over until they have a place for me to sleep that it is comfortable again. (The only option is my sister’s former room which she swears used to have a ghost in it. ) My fiance’s mom used to MEDDLE A LOT, but she has gotten a lot better….it almost seems like my own family has somewhat developed the meddling characteristics that his mom used to have(not so severe).
I just really agree that weddings/marriages bring out the best and worst in families. I guess I am saying that my engagement has changed my relationship with my family a little. It has caused issues I guess. I want to come home more often than I do to visit, however right now that just causes me to be real upset. I can only handle being around them for short periods of time now. I do hope things can get better, but for now, I’ll just let things be…keep my distant, I guess.