Has Your Relationship with Your Mother Gotten More Complicated as you grew up?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@mchitt329:  Nope, not alone. I used to cling to my mom when I was really little – like, to the point that I ran down the hallway screaming and crying on my first day of pre-school because I thought she was abandoning me. When I started college it was rough and my mom wasn’t exactly helping (she pretty much told me that it the depression was my problem to fix, not her’s, and I had to deal with it myself). . . kind of led to a rocky relationship for a long time. Things are bit better, but I was so relieved when I moved out of my parents’ house this summer.

I think, when we’re little, that we kind of idealize our parents and see them as being unable to do anything wrong – and that all comes crashing down when we get old enough to realize how false that actually is.

Post # 4
Member
11712 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My mother is like a best friend.  I can tell her anything, and my relationship with her has always been easy.  I never had the stage where my mother was “the devil” or evil or anything – we’ve always gotten along.

Post # 5
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

As I’ve grown up my mum and I disagree on more things. We were close right up until i was about 20, but since then, I’ve realised that I don’t necessarily agree with her way of doing things, and she doesn’t agree with me a lot of the time. Our relationship is at the most strained it’s ever been (at least from what I feel, she doesn’t seem to think there’s anything going on). I’m 25 and am just starting my life with my family, whereas she’s been married, divorced, remarried and done a number of things I disagree with, so I guess we just come from different places. 

My dad and I have gotten much closer over the last 5 years though – I think I relate better to him than to my mother.

Post # 6
Member
2973 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@mchitt329:  Our relationship has gotten so much better as the years go on. She’s my best friend. 

 

Post # 7
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

As a kid I was super close with her and sided with her on everything.  As an adult I realized she was a seriously f*cked up human being with a survivor mentality.  I also realized that given things she’d gone through, she made the most of what life had thrown at her.  For years I had a lot of hard feelings towards her, but our relationship improved tremendously when I moved out of the house and learned to keep my cool with her when she flew off the handle.  She still pushes my buttons sometimes, but we also have some really nice times together.  Having space helps.

 

Post # 8
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@mchitt329:  I think for me it’s gotten easier. My mom worked very long hours all the way into my teenage years while my dad worked 7-5. After school until I was about 10 we’d stay at my grandparents until my dad got off work. This meant my grandparents attended a lot of the things I wanted my mom at.  I always loved my mom but was closer with my dad growing up, only know do I see how much this hurt my mom. But now, well since I was about 19 (I’m 23 now) we’ve gotten a lot closer. I’m pretty much as close to my mom as my dad now. My mom will say things about family members I don’t  mind but she isn’t a fan of and I accept that there is history there I wasn’t around for. In the end she accepts how I feel and I accept how she feels and we carry on, it doesn’t impact our relationship.

Post # 9
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@mchitt329:  my relationship with my mother has always been horrible. We are not emotionally connected. She never said i love you only in birthday cards. She was very jealous of when i would go out to breakfast with my father. Which is mot normal. 

Fast fwd, when my father passed away it got even worse. She called me names, we fought ljke cats and dogs. I was never good enpugh for her.

Fast fwd to my wedding…she wasnt helpful. She had given me money tellingme that my father set aside money for when i was ready to get married. So i took that as a gift. Now she constantly holds it over my head. She hates me even more bc i dont speak to her bf. I told her why we dont want anything to do with him abd she says im lying. Well, shes obviouy made her choice, her man comes first over her children.

So yes…our relationship is getting worse abd its sad bc i want her to have a relationship with her future grandkids

Post # 10
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

I’ve always been close with my mother. She was a single mom and my hero.

We had a few spats when I was a teenager. Mostly because she was dealing with the onset of diabetes – hormonal hurricane.

We’re just as close as we were when I was a child, but we live about 3 hours away from eachother. I’m grateful we have an adult relationship, as well as a mother-child relationship. I’ve learned a lot and I treasure her presence.

Post # 11
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I, too, was super attached to my mom as a kid. She was my bestest friend growing up. But, then SHE changed. Probably sometime around when I went to college (we never had those devil years as a teen). She stopped being so motherly and decided she wanted to do her own thing. She went from a SAHM to a working mom and didn’t have the time to do the things she used to. Aside from that, she became ‘bitchy’ – in the sense that she developed her own personality that she may have had before but sort of suppressed or something. I can’t explain this right, but now when I visit her it’s all about being skinny, taking care of my skin before I get old, buying nice clothes, etc. It’s all material and superficial. But, that’s what’s important to her. We don’t have many in-depth discussions and I’ve explained to her how I have PCOS like 10x and she just kind of brushes it off like I don’t have anything – so I don’t really get any emotional support from her, either.

I always have to remind myself – I know my parents love me and they think they know what’s best and they would never do anything that would hurt me (intentionally).

Post # 12
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

High School was the only time I didn’t get along with mom. after that I realized how insanely lucky I am to have her and how selfless she is.  Now I count my blessings daily and hope I have her and her motherly advice and help as long as god is willing.

Post # 13
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would agree with the first sentence of this post. I’m an only child (for whatever that’s worth) and my mom and I butted heads in a HUGE way when I hit my teenage years, so much so that despite being the biggest homebody ever, I couldn’t wait to go away to school.

Things changed the second I moved away to school. It was instant. Our relationship shifted gears into a much more positive and manageable dynamic.

That was years ago, I have been back in the same city as my parents for almost ten years now and we are closer than ever. My mom is even doing double duty as the mother-of-the-bride AND a bridesmaid at my wedding.

I would be lost without both of my parents. They truly are very dear and close friends to both me and FI and I am incredibly thankful for it because I know that isn’t always the relationship you end up with.

Post # 14
Member
989 posts
Busy bee

@abbie017:  +1.

My relationship with my Mum is great, she (and Dad) have given me the best life. I could not have asked for better parents. As a kid/teen, my Mum was my parent (as opposed to friend). Now that I’m an adult, our relationship has evolved and she’s my best friend.

Post # 15
Member
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Lucky those of you who have a mom best friend! 

As for me, my relationship with my mom has always been complicated, and never good. As I became an adult and the power shifted (there are no more “consequences” she can hold over me), it became about choices. I don’t “have” to have or involve her in my life now, so from my end, the relationship has improved so to speak, but I know she is frustrated by the fact that she can’t demand or require my attention anymore. 

Definitely has shifted drastically over the years. I’m sure there was a point when I was really young that we got along but pretty much as long as I can remember we didn’t. 

Post # 16
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Absolutely. My Mom and I were pretty good, even through the teen years. But she has not done well with me moving away from my home town and getting married. My Mom is mentally ill, has serious abandonment issues, and has basically reverted to acting like a child. It’s bad… really, really bad. I try to avoid being around her if at all possible. It’s unfortunate, really. I’ve lost someone who was once my best friend to her own self-pity, bitterness, and tantrums.

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