(Closed) HATE MY ENGAGEMENT RING…. AND CAN'T TAKE IT BACK!!!

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
8884 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I think your ring is pretty. It shouldn’t matter how big it is, it’s the sentiment behind it. I can’t understand why anyone would be embarrased to wear something from the person they love.  But if you really hate it, just talk to him about upgrading the ring.

Post # 4
Hostess
8580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Do you like the ring at all? [the setting?] Perhaps you could take out the ruby and put it in a necklace, and then add a diamond.

If you hate EVERYTHING about it, you really only have one option, of talking to your FI. Is he easily offended? Did he spend ALOT of time picking out a ring? Did he ever ask what type of ring you’d like? Or did you ever give him hints on what kind you’d like?

I can understand where you’re coming form because I’m extremely picky about the jewelry I wear, I usually don’t wear rings, and esp not on an everyday basis. I too, wanted diamonds. I was lucky enough for FI to propose with heriloom ring from his mother, and after I accepted, he told me to pick out my own ring! But he understands that I’m horribly picky, and embraces it.

 

Post # 5
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee

Wow.

Are you married or not?  At one point you say you are and then later you say you are not.  

Post # 6
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Sunflower–girl:  Yeah, I noticed that too – I think the second one is a typo? (Or a freudian slip of the fingers)

OP- First of all, I think you are materialistic. I strongly dislike when people have giant rants about how much they hate something material and then say they aren’t materialistic. I mean, you complain about the size and indicate you need a diamond in there.  

It seems like you’ve discussed this with your husband(?) but what I would do is discontinue wearing the engagement ring and wear just the wedding band. When your husband brings up that you don’t seem to love him anymore, I would calmly say, “I love you but I don’t feel this ring is my style. I love that you picked out a ring and love being married. I’d really like to get that ring that your mom gave us as a present reset and have a setting in mind.”

Hopefully your husband is reasonable enough to understand where you’re coming from. Also, I would drop that whole ex-fiance business as that’s more his battle than yours and will not help you get what you want.

Post # 7
Member
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I was expecting some god awful ring lol I don’t think it’s that bad but if it was mine I definitely wouldn’t feel like it was an engagement ring at the same time. I’d want to just wear it as a RHR if I had a matching outfit.

I’m assuming you’ve brought this up with him, it sounds like you have. What is his compromise? I would let him know you’re proud of him and proud of being engaged (or married?) to him & you want to show it to everyone & you don’t feel that your ring now is a ring that will shout to the world that you’re taken. & if he still says that he wants to buy it for you, offer to help pay or set up the appt with the jeweler or do something to get the ball moving. I can’t tell if he’s deployed or not so if he is I understand it’ll be harder.

Maybe finding something you like that’s on sale will get him moving with getting you a new one. Sorry you’re dealing with this =/

Post # 8
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee

@Loveratheart90: [content moderated for snark] Granted, it is not a traditional engagement ring, but is this really worth undermining your relationship?

Post # 9
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

And as much as I hate to bring her up, shortly after we got engaged, I caught his ex-fiance (who had cheated on him in boot camp and broken up with him… this voiding the “engagement contract” if you know what I mean) trying to sell his ring to her on ebay… he had told me that he wanted the ring back… so I confronted her, because technically she was breaking the law at that point.

Wait, what? Why is this breaking the law?

If you’re not really a jewelry person anyway, could you maybe have MIL’s diamond set into a wedding band you really like, and then use that when you get married? And wear the engagement ring as a right hand ring after that, or only wear it sometimes?

Post # 10
Member
12833 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mamadingdong:  +1

Either talk to your fiance and tell him exactly what you said here, or just drop it and move on.  It’s a lovely ring, and definitely not worth ruining your relationship over.

Post # 11
Member
8697 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

[content moderated for snark]

 

OP, be completely honest with him. I think that is the best thing to do since it is obvious you feel so strong about it.

Post # 12
Member
1531 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

My guess is your hubby is waiting for the right time to put his mom’s diamond into the setting you have indicated is your style. 

As far as your garnet is concerned, I quite like it. Since it’s not your style, perhaps you would consider wearing it on your right hand. I reserve my right hand for rings that hold meaning, but are not necessarily still my style. There are exceptions (i.e. I have my great-grandmother’s ring that I adore), but for the most part I can dress up or down my look with my RHR collection. 🙂

Gently nudge your hubby into giving you a hint about his mom’s stone. It’s worth a little tease or two as to what his intentions might be. I really do think he has a plan in place.

 

Post # 13
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow just wow.Clearly you lost a little perspective, and calling ex over her ring. Technically it really is  none of your business and if he is too afraid of confrontation then he has eat the loss of the money.By the way if my ex new girlfriend had the nerve to call me and ask my ring, I hang up the phone and not even respond to her. That reeks of desperation, and the only people who have to discuss the ring is him and her.

You seem obsessed with this ring, and to be embarrassed to wear it out in public is a bit much. Honestly I feel awful for him, it’s ok to not like the ring or get a new one but your tone and the way you gone about it is disgusting. Get some perspective and stop being so obsessed with the ring. If it bothers you that much wear the wedding band until you get a new one.

Post # 14
Member
3429 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Loveratheart90:  If you hate this ring, say something to him about it.  You may be pleasantly surprised by his reaction.  This is supposed to be a happy time for you both.  If the both of you are to be married soon, you’re going to have to communicate with each other regularly…why not start now? Voice your feelings about this ring(in a sweet way) and try to work toward a solution. Don’t be afraid of speaking up

Post # 15
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ok, now I’m a gemstone E-Ring gal and let me just tell you…

That unless the girl is 100% on board with a gemstone e-ring, it’s never ok to just assume something like that.

Hate it or not, diamonds are a tradition. Some girls like that tradition. And that’s ok for them to like it. And before any ladies throw up their hands and spit fire-each lady is different and that should be ok. Right?

2nd, is your MIL gave you a diamond as a present from her engagment ring (hello family piece, AWSOME), why not buy a setting yourself and have it set. BAM. Done. Something to pass down to your future children, and you are not letting that amazing present from your MIL go to waste.

 

If he really doesn’t want to buy you the setting, buy it for yourself.

 

Post # 16
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

*confused*  – if you’re married, just wear the band until he can afford to get you a real diamond?  Geez…how hard is that?

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