Post # 1
We’ve been engaged for four months now and I try not to think about how he proposed but it seemed like the most careless thing ever like he didn’t plan a thing about it. I wish I could have said yes to him and no to the proposal, I just hate it and regret it and it hurts because it feels like he didn’t care about me. We’d been talking wedding planning before he actually proposed so at the point I was already pissed that he wanted to talk wedding planning (going as far as setting a date) without actually being engaged yet. Despite all that he didn’t plan anything.
He proposed on a thurs evening right after we had both got done doing a jillian michaels exercise dvd. Yep thats right. Sweaty gross disgusting and on our living room floor. I said yes and went back to messing with my computer because really what else was there to do. The wedding was half planned already. I didn’t want to tell my friends he proposed because I was embarassed at how he did it. And even though we’d been ring shopping the weeks before the ring he came up with was pretty much the opposite of anything I would have chosen for myself. Its his grandma’s ring that his parents offered if he wanted it since he couldn’t afford to buy me a ring (but apparently he has the money to think about buying the new PlayStation when it comes out).
He said he chose that ring because family is so important to me and he thought I would appreciate the sentimental value of the ring his grandpa proposed to his grandma with. I understand what he’s trying to say but I feel like he is always ignoring what I want for the idiotic ideas of “romance” (more like cheap crap that he tries to get away with). I wanted a yellow gold setting with a round diamond and now I have a white gold three stone princess cut that I can’t wear any of my other jewelry with because its yellow gold.
And we’ve talked about it somewhat but he doesn’t seem to understand how pissed I am and how much it hurts and we haven’t come to a solution. He’s not the type that would ever think to fix anything on his own anyways. I have to ask for everything. He’s thoughtless and I am not even sure why I am with him anymore.
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@CrazyCatLady13: Yikes… are you sure you want to marry this guy? You sould really dissatisfied.
The proposal will matter so little in your future together. And it sounds like it was casual because you were casually planning your wedding before even being engaged.
And how is a wedding going to be paid for if he can’t afford a ring? *Just wondering* because it sounds like finances are another problem between the two of you which I strongly suggest you work out because that could cause major problems when you’re married.
Post # 4
Hmmm, I’m sorry that you are having a tough time accepting how your fiance proposed to you. My husband proposed to me on my lunch break, at home. It wasn’t fancy or big or super romantic. I walked in the door and he got down on one knee. At first I was a little dissapointed but now, looking back, it was adorable. We talked about it and he explained that he really just couldn’t wait any longer. He wanted to put that ring on my finger!
If you love this man, the proposal isn’t important. Seriously, it’s not. If you really hate the ring and can’t find any sentimental value in it, talk to your fiance about resetting it in a yellow gold setting. Keep the stones so there is still some sentiment left to it.
If you don’t love him, end it. But don’t base your love off of his proposal or the ring.
Also, a $400 playstation is a lot less expensive than a diamond ring. Not saying that makes it better but $400 wasn’t going to get you some amazing ring.
Post # 5
The proposal is one day is a lifetime together. To me, it sounds like it’s his values that are bothering you, not the proposal. You believe that he values other things more than you and your wishes.
So with that said, I think you need to take a close look at your relationship, aside from the proposal and the ring.
Go out together, do something fun. Remind yourself why you even gave thought to marrying him. If nothing comes to mind, then maybe it isn’t for the best.
Post # 6
@mchitt329: I am paying for it despite being in medschool, all the money from my summer job is paying for the wedding becaue I am spending money on “extra things” that he wouldn’t have or something like that.
@Birdee106: I wanted a moissy that runs for $540, the PS4 is $400 and he already has a PS3, XBOX, and nintendo.
Post # 7
It sounds like you were focusing on a fantastic, storybook like proposal with your dream ring, rather than picking out the right guy for yourself. Proposals and weddings don’t fix what’s fundamentally wrong in a relationship. Time to decide if you want to fix what you’re unhappy with, or if you’d rather ditch the relationship and look for someone else.
Also, it might help to read “The 5 Love Languages” if you do want to stick this out. Sounds like he shows love in a way that’s different than you do.
Post # 8
@CrazyCatLady13: If you have to ssy something like ‘I’m not even sure why I’m with him anymore’, I really don’t understand WHY you are.
I think as far as the proposal not being the picture perfect moment that you have always dreamed of, or the ring not being exactly what you’d like, instead receiving a family heirloom, you are being a bit dramatic.
If you love each other (and IMO, it doesn’t really seem like YOU do anymore), why does the proposal have to be all fireworks and romance? It’s the sentiment behind it that matters, the fact that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
And, receiving a family heirloom, that could have been given to anyone else, you should feel very blessed that it was given to you.
Post # 9
@Birdee106: If you love this man, the proposal isn’t important.
Post # 10
Yowza…for whatever reason you are obviously not ready to get married. Put things on hold pronto.
Post # 11
It sounds like you don’t like him. If I saw someone right this about my son, brother or a guy I was close to, I’d tell him to run.
Post # 12
I think most women build up the proposal so much in their heads. I spent 15 minutes banging on a rock to get my ring. So what? It’s one moment that is a big deal, but not so big of a deal in the whole picture. It’s more about the meaning than anything.
You don’t sound happy in your relationship. I see a lot of resentment and complacency. Is that really how it is?
I know I might get flack for this, but the ring isn’t a big deal in the whole picture either. It’s a piece of rock. Or colored rock. Heirlooms can always be re-set into something more your style later.
Post # 13
Call off the wedding, or at least postpone it. You’re just not that into him.
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Why are you even with this guy? It doesn’t sound like you like him. I know you’re venting here, but still. Do both of you a favor and don’t marry him.
PS – my proposal wasn’t particularly special in any way, except for the wonderful things he said and the fact that it means that I get to spend my life with him!!!!! So it was the best proposal ever. That fact that you don’t feel similarly is a big red flag for your relationship.
Post # 15
Why are you planning a wedding with a guy if you don’t know why you’re with him? I think it’s time to take a step back, maybe consider seeing a counselor to help you decide what you should do, what is important to you in a relationship, and whether this is really the guy. Marriage is forever. A proposal is about 15 minutes, and a wedding is literally one day at the start of the rest of your life. In the grand scheme of things, they don’t actually matter all that much.
Post # 16
For what it’s worth, lots of people I know both IRL and from this site had less than story book marriage proposals and they are very happy couples in healthy, loving marriages. As for the ring, maybe that family heirloom really *does* mean a lot to him. Would he be open to resetting it? You have to wear it, not him. Mixing metals is more in vogue and not the fashion faux pas it used to be. I’m not missing the point here, I’m just throwing that out there.
I’m sorry things went down like this, but if you’re truely wondering why you’re with him then maybe you should end things before you’re actually married. If he’s not living up to your expectations then maybe you need to find someone more compatible before you seal the deal.
I really don’t understand why a gaming consol is more important to him than pleasing his FI.