Post # 1
Okay so it is less than a month to the wedding and all of the due dates are coming for the vendors. It has been sooo uncomfortable to ask my in laws and even my own parents to start paying up. FI and I have paid for all things up to this point, like all deposits and other things. Both sets of parents were aware of how much they were going to give for the wedding when we got engaged 2 years ago, but I feel like I am walking on eggshells asking them for the money now. FMIL keeps asking pretty much daily how much more she has left to give and I keep thinking to myself ‘Umm.. minus what you just gave me from the total you agreed to give us, that’s how much there is left’. Can’t wait until it is the day of the wedding when everything is finally done and paid for and I can stop stressing out about the budget! Anyone else uncomfortable about this stuff?
Post # 3
Can you just ask your FMIL to give you a check for the rest of what she’s going to give you? Then you can deposit it in your own account and pay vendors without having to ask her for more $$.
Post # 4
Well that’s part of the problem too! She wants to put as much as possible on credit. So I had to go through and figure out every vendor that will allow credit. Like she couldn’t pay for the linens, because they only take check so I had to have my parents cover that. Now instead I have to get her credit card number for everything whenever something is due.
Post # 5
Both of our families are just paying us upfront and letting us deal with paying the vendors. If that won’t work for you, perhaps you can show her your budget list including the items she agreed to pay for, take out the calculator in front of her to total up what’s left, and write it down for her. That’s a very businesslike way to approach it, and shouldn’t appear like you’re just asking for money. Hope that helps!
Post # 6
Yeahhh I’ve shown her the budget multiple times – apparently she can’t really keep it all straight lol I mean it is 2 1/2 weeks til the wedding now, so I think I’m just going to drag along through it. Luckily everything is getting paid, but it definitely is just strange to say to someone “Ok… give me your cc # so I can put a couple thousand on it”. I mean I guess that’s just the way weddings go, but I’ll be glad when I’m not taking large sums of money from them – I feel guilty about it.
Post # 7
We had this problem too. My parents gave us a cheque right away which was excellent as I would never have wanted to ask. FMIL kept saying “tell me when you want your money” but like you I felt so awkward doing that! Finally closer to the wedding, we suggested she call the reception venue and put her $ amount onto what we still owed. Then the day after the wedding, we went and paid off the balance (we were staying at the venue). Could you do something like this? It took the transaction out of our hands which was much easier to deal with.
Post # 8
I have that problem too. They said they would start putting money in an account for me, a little bit at a time starting last year. Yeah, that never happened. So every time an expense, like a deposit, came up I’d have to call them. Then wait a week for them to remember and pray that the check wouldn’t be cashed for a while.
But now that it’s under the 2 month mark, I’ve had to email them asking to start putting the money in there. It was so awkward. I hate asking for money. I gave them an estimate of how much I’d need in a couple weeks and they stuck just that estimate in there today. Which is good, but I’m still going to have to call again for more when other things come up.
I feel really bad, but there’s no way we could afford most of it on our own. So yes, it is very uncomfortable.
Post # 9
I just talked to my mom today about the catering deposit. So akward to ask for a check for $6,000! She’s kind of absent minded too so I have to keep asking for things. We had a big talk about how whenever I run across something, especially little stuff or used stuff I have to ask her for money. She agreed to give me $1000 for that stuff but I can’t go over budget now. I don’t want to ask her for more!
BTW, are you in Royal Oak, MI?
Post # 10
Brides to Be,
Have you taken your parents and future inlaws with you to meet with some of the vendors? It could be that if you include them in the process (if you haven’t already) they wouldn’t be as hesitant to charge the money on their credit cards or give you check or cash.
Brides are you contacting your future inlaws for money for the wedding? This is something that my future groom would have to do. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable going to my husband’s parents and asking them for money. (Understand I am saying that because we didn’t have a long engagement nor did the parents and I have a relationship where I felt comfortable doing such).
Let me share this, how you are handling money during your wedding planning does send a message about how you will handle money once you are married. You are still the same person regardless of whose money pays for the wedding.
Post # 11
@future mrs kirsch – yes! royal oak, mi. we actually live in berkley but the ceremony is going to be in royal at shrine right at 12 & woodward. you’re from ferndale?? such a small world 🙂