Post # 1
I am on the way to walk down the aisle in about 15 months. My FI and I are blending our families and making our way together in the life. We have hired a wedding planner, picked out our venue, told our family, tasted cakes, and planned our reception. It has been diffcult with my FI family. She was what I will say a die hard christian and church girl. So when she told her mom about me, she has flipped out. Evemthough it has been a year she is still the same old bat. She is really verbally hurtful, disrespectful, and hateful. I really do not want her to come to my wedding, but my FI loves her mom and thinks she do nothing wrong. Her mother keeps throwing the bible at me and tries to sabotoge our wedding when my FI is not looking. She is the top of my stress level. I just want a peaceful day and getting stressed about her already.
How can I tell my FI that I do not want her at the wedding and keep my FI?
Post # 3
i would (tactfully) remind her that the bible states we are to love one another and that we shall not be the ones to judge others in this life. tell her that while you understand that she is having a difficult time accepting your marriage, she needs to understand that whether she approves of it or not that it is still going to happen. her presence and support would be most welcomed, but if she cannot offer it, then you’d prefer she say nothing about it at all. also, i think it may be time that the 3 of you sat down and discussed this in the open, instead of her calmmoring after you behind your FIs back!
Post # 4
@ijustrockout: I will definitely try to talk to her with my FI and see where that will get us.
I think I am getting fustrated with her and it makes me more on edge. So i will try anything to let that go.
Thanks for the advice….
Post # 5
i think it’s only fair (to you!) that you let your FI know what’s going on. it’s not very cool that she’s going for your jugular and your FI is none the wiser. and honestly, if it gets to the point where you feel threatened or that you feel she will make a scene on your special day, you may be better off to do a destination wedding and have a nice (peaceful) reception when you get home. that way, it will be too late for FMIL, and maybe she will regret not being there to support her daughter. at the end of the day, SHE will look like the ASS, not you.
i’m a christian, too…but i do not judge people for these things. if you are happy, respectful of one another and truly in love, you deserve the same rights as anyone else in the world. the same rules apply, no matter what the sex, race or religion. you have a right to be happy!! so just BE!
Post # 6
@nicknuttnc I am so sorry you’re dealing with that. Like ijustrockout touched on it’s really sad that your FMIL isn’t loving you the way we all deserve to be loved and accepted. That is definitely nobodies fault but her own. My best advice is the same to all who deal with MIL issues and that is to love them regardless of their inability to love you.
Most Christians really don’t know how to love like Christ in seperating the “what we do” from the “who we are”… again like ijustrockout said Christ was friends with the tax collector and did not condemn the women caught in aultery.
I think what has to be understood though on your part, while continuing to love her regardless of her fault, is that Christ did not accept what they did, as he called Matthew from being the tax collector (or theif) to being a follower of him and the adulteress to go and sin no more… and for her to stay true to her belief she has to differientiate from accepting you and accepting what you do… like Christ Himself did.
This is hard for ALL of us to do… not just Christians but just people b/c we tend to see people for their behaviour rather than how God sees them as His creation and children.
Again like ijustrockout said… you do what you need to to love her, accept her (in all her hatefulness), and to keep peace and then what she decides is totally on her and to no fault but her own. <— again this is just what we all srtuggle with, especially when it comes to MIL and non acceptance. *sigh*
I hope that I did not offend you with anything I said… my heart really goes out to you on this as I hate seeing people being hurt by people that should be loving them =(
((hugs)) for your stress, frustration, and just having to deal with this like you are
Post # 7
Post # 8
Just remember that this is about the marriage of TWO (count ’em) TWO individuals that love one another and are committing to one another for life. You have a lot in common with your future MIL… you both love her daughter beyond expression and both want the best for her. When talking to your FMIL, keep that in mind and remind her if need-be.
It may not be exactly the life that your FMIL had imagined for her daughter. But your willingness to accept her may help her accept you (eventually.)
I’m also a Christian (the Jesus is my Lord and Savior -kind) and equate your union as sanctified marriage. I pray God to bless your marriage and give you strength to deal with all the blended family issues that come with this step in life…
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2010 - Fort Pond Lodge
I didn’t read all these other comments, but one thing someone said to me when I was preparing for the wedding and inviting family I was nervous about: this is their chance to see that you are getting MARRIED. It is a real, live WEDDING, just like any other wedding. She said (some fun imagery here) that a lot of people who are freaked out by The Gay picture a lesbian wedding as lots of rainbows and naked women dancing around a giant heart shaped bed with nipple tassles. And even if you’re not having a traditional wedding, it’ll probably be more traditional than the nipple-tassle wedding your FMIL is picturing.
Someone also told me that the wedding process can be a coming out, or a Pride, of sorts for families. We get the whole process of questions, embracing, celebrating our sexuality; and somewhere in there we present it to our families, and they don’t get as much time to grapple with it, because usually by the time we tell them, we’re pretty solid in our identity. The wedding planning can be a chance for them to come to terms with it and see that it is kind of awesome.
Good luck! And congratulations to both of you.
Post # 10
Unfortunately you can’t tell your fiancee not to invite her mother. If she thinks her mother does no wrong then telling her won’t be enough. She will have to have the same opinion of her mother that you do. I would recommend telling your fiancee how your mother has been acting behind her back. Hopefully she’ll see how much pain you’re in and try talking to her mother to get her to back down.