Post # 1
Seriously, what the hell is up with that? Both IRL and online, I’ve seen tons of negativity directed toward couples who knew their partner was “the one” right away and got engaged and/or married quickly.
I met FH online (oh, bawwww) and we got engaged four months later. By the time we get married, we’ll have been together for a little over two years. But what difference does it make whether we’ve been together for two years or ten? Does this make our relationship, our love, any less valid than someone who waited or is still waiting? HELL NO.
Does anyone feel frustrated/annoyed/just plain pissed off about this? Why do people feel the need to pass judgment? It’s not like I tell people who are waiting that they should be married by now, haha.
I’ve had people tell me that they “deserve” to get married before FH and I because they’ve been together longer; I’ve had people tell us that our marriage is doomed to fail. Whiskey tango foxtrot.
Has anyone else encountered this?
Post # 3
My fiance and I will have been together not quite two years when we get married… honestly, no one has passed judgement on us except myself… sometimes I think “holy crap… this is really fast, am I sure?” But the truth is of course I’m sure! I knew he was “the one” the night I met him, so why delay! I don’t think our marriage (or yours) is doomed! I think we’re gonna rock it personally!
I think sometimes depending on your age, other might be more inclined to say that. When you’re a little older, you know better what you are looking for and what you need in life (does that make sense!?)
As long as you’re both happy and in it 100% then you’ll be grand!
Post # 4
I kind of have a similar situation…only reversed lol. I got engaged last Feb and one of my friends has been begging her BF to get engaged. But I secretly think that she is doing it to try and compete with me, which is fine. She has been with her BF for about 6 months and I would be totally happy for them if I thought she wanted to get engaged for the right reasons lol
More power to you though!
Post # 5
I haven’t been there, but I know a few of my close friends have.
It was ridiculous, all the things that people said to them, and it hurt them so badly sometimes that they thought about calling off the wedding. I think the worst line they got was, “I’m not coming to your wedding. It’s not even real because you haven’t been together long enough to know if you’re in love or not.”
Yeah. Stupid people. They haven’t been married for too, terribly long, but they seem just as happy as ever.
My mom was an early on engagement bride. She met my father in November, he proposed in January, they got married in June. They were married 10 years before he passed away, and I’m sure they would have still been married if that hadn’t happened.
Post # 6
I can’t say that I’ve experienced this since my fiance and I were together a little less than 2.5 years before we got engaged.
But I think most people’s perceptions of this are negative because they are worried that you might not know each other well enough to be making such a serious committment. If people say things, it’s most likely out of love and concern–that they want to make sure that you’re ready for this change. Of course, addressing it in this way isn’t helpful at all and clearly you feel it is the right step for your relationship.
As for saying you don’t “deserve” to get married before someone that’s been engaged longer…that’s just jealousy by someone that wishes they were getting married too. I felt a little bit that way when other people I knew got engaged before I did, but there’s nothing to it but jealousy and I certainly wouldn’t have said anything to those couples! It wasn’t *their* problem!
Post # 7
I definitely don’t think anyone “deserves” to get engaged just because they’ve put in their time. I also think its just really rude for anyone to tell anyone else their relationship is doomed.
That being said you kind of have to understand the natural skepticism, don’t you? It’s really not a leap to say that committing to spend your lives together when you’ve known each other weeks or months is more risky than if you’ve known someone a few years.
Post # 8
I moved in with my hubby after dating for 5 months, and got engaged 6 months later. For me, that was very quick! (I had a 7 1/2 year relationship before this). I thought people would be upset or weirded out by the fastness, but they weren’t. My family and friends were all very supportive, I think b/c they all love him so much too. I feel like I wasn’t the only one who knew he was my one, they did too.
Post # 9
@CorgiTales: I understand it, but I still think it’s damned rude to actually say something about it! I think it is just as risky regardless of time–either you know the person and that they’re right for you, or you don’t, imo.
Post # 10
I got engaged about a year after hubs and I met. The only person who seemed to get upset about it was this friend of mine who didn’t think it was “fair” that I got engaged before her. She ended up getting engaged like 6 months after me, after her and her BF had been together 2.5 years.
Life isn’t a race, and I think all those people who are telling you that they “deserve” to get married before you are just jealous. Just smile sweetly at them and change the subject- I truly don’t think you should indulge those people by commenting on their (obviously) rude statements. 🙂
Post # 11
It’s envy turning it’s ugly head. I’ll admit that recently a classmate got engaged to her fiance, whom she met years after I started dating my current BF. I’m very envious of her…more on the fact that she can have a decent wedding. I have empty pockets and eloped at the court house once already…I don’t want to do that again.
I’ve been recently asked when I was getting married to my BF. I think that adds more negativity because not only are you expecting to get married, but others are too, and the boy is slacking.
But in all honesty, lots of factors come into play with “readiness”. I know that my BF and I are getting there, and I’d like to think that we got there completely by ourselves and on our own time.
Post # 12
@Statutory Grape: I met my FI online as well 🙂 We moved in together after 2 months and got engaged at 14 months. People were a little skeptical of us moving in together so soon but it was the best decision I’ve ever made!
Post # 13
Mostly related to my age, since I’m in my early 20s. However, I think if I saw the same thing, I’d have the same opinion. It’s weird, if I weren’t me I’d probably be skeptical of how longlasting a relationship would be. I knew my Fiance for years, friends for years, and dated for a year and a half before he proposed. I think I can understand both perspectives.
Post # 14
@Treasure43: I just moved in with FH in April, so we kind of did the opposite, haha. 🙂
Post # 15
My fiance and I were only together about 9 months before getting engaged. Our wedding will fall almost exactly 9 months after the engagement, so all in all we have moved pretty fast. The only thing that maybe kept us from getting a ton of negative comments is that we knew each other and were classmates for 4 years while we were in grad school (We had classes together nearly every single day). Still, we got our fair share of rude and less than enthusiastic comments when people first found out we were engaged. We tried not to let it get to us-I guess because we are just confident enough in our feelings for each other that it doesn’t really matter. It does stink to have others shoot down a small piece of your happiness, though 🙁
Post # 16
I have an aunt who keeps saying things to other family members like, “Are they really going to go through with it?” It got even worse after we bumped our date up, but…