(Closed) Hating on people who got engaged quickly?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Engaged/married quickly--any negativity from others? // Do you pass judgment on others?
    Yes, tons : (33 votes)
    8 %
    A little : (88 votes)
    23 %
    None at all : (36 votes)
    9 %
    I would never judge someone's relationship on how long they've been together : (48 votes)
    12 %
    I find myself doing it sometimes : (143 votes)
    37 %
    I do it frequently : (42 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    88 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    My fiance and I will have been together not quite two years when we get married… honestly, no one has passed judgement on us except myself… sometimes I think “holy crap… this is really fast, am I sure?” But the truth is of course I’m sure! I knew he was “the one” the night I met him, so why delay! I don’t think our marriage (or yours) is doomed! I think we’re gonna rock it personally!

     

    I think sometimes depending on your age, other might be more inclined to say that. When you’re a little older, you know better what you are looking for and what you need in life (does that make sense!?)

     

    As long as you’re both happy and in it 100% then you’ll be grand!

    Post # 4
    Member
    3281 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I kind of have a similar situation…only reversed lol. I got engaged last Feb and one of my friends has been begging her BF to get engaged. But I secretly think that she is doing it to try and compete with me, which is fine. She has been with her BF for about 6 months and I would be totally happy for them if I thought she wanted to get engaged for the right reasons lol

    More power to you though!

    Post # 5
    Member
    196 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I haven’t been there, but I know a few of my close friends have.

    It was ridiculous, all the things that people said to them, and it hurt them so badly sometimes that they thought about calling off the wedding. I think the worst line they got was, “I’m not coming to your wedding. It’s not even real because you haven’t been together long enough to know if you’re in love or not.”

    Yeah. Stupid people. They haven’t been married for too, terribly long, but they seem just as happy as ever.

    My mom was an early on engagement bride. She met my father in November, he proposed in January, they got married in June. They were married 10 years before he passed away, and I’m sure they would have still been married if that hadn’t happened.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1046 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I can’t say that I’ve experienced this since my fiance and I were together a little less than 2.5 years before we got engaged.

    But I think most people’s perceptions of this are negative because they are worried that you might not know each other well enough to be making such a serious committment. If people say things, it’s most likely out of love and concern–that they want to make sure that you’re ready for this change. Of course, addressing it in this way isn’t helpful at all and clearly you feel it is the right step for your relationship.

    As for saying you don’t “deserve” to get married before someone that’s been engaged longer…that’s just jealousy by someone that wishes they were getting married too. I felt a little bit that way when other people I knew got engaged before I did, but there’s nothing to it but jealousy and I certainly wouldn’t have said anything to those couples! It wasn’t *their* problem!

    Post # 7
    Member
    11327 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I definitely don’t think anyone “deserves” to get engaged just because they’ve put in their time. I also think its just really rude for anyone to tell anyone else their relationship is doomed. 

    That being said you kind of have to understand the natural skepticism, don’t you? It’s really not a leap to say that committing to spend your lives together when you’ve known each other weeks or months is more risky than if you’ve known someone a few years. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    6572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I moved in with my hubby after dating for 5 months, and got engaged 6 months later. For me, that was very quick! (I had a 7 1/2 year relationship before this). I thought people would be upset or weirded out by the fastness, but they weren’t. My family and friends were all very supportive, I think b/c they all love him so much too. I feel like I wasn’t the only one who knew he was my one, they did too.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1482 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I got engaged about a year after hubs and I met.  The only person who seemed to get upset about it was this friend of mine who didn’t think it was “fair” that I got engaged before her.  She ended up getting engaged like 6 months after me, after her and her BF had been together 2.5 years. 

    Life isn’t a race, and I think all those people who are telling you that they “deserve” to get married before you are just jealous.  Just smile sweetly at them and change the subject- I truly don’t think you should indulge those people by commenting on their (obviously) rude statements. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 11
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    It’s envy turning it’s ugly head. I’ll admit that recently a classmate got engaged to her fiance, whom she met years after I started dating my current BF. I’m very envious of her…more on the fact that she can have a decent wedding. I have empty pockets and eloped at the court house once already…I don’t want to do that again.

    I’ve been recently asked when I was getting married to my BF. I think that adds more negativity because not only are you expecting to get married, but others are too, and the boy is slacking.

    But in all honesty, lots of factors come into play with “readiness”. I know that my BF and I are getting there, and I’d like to think that we got there completely by ourselves and on our own time.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4547 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @Statutory Grape: I met my FI online as well ๐Ÿ™‚ We moved in together after 2 months and got engaged at 14 months. People were a little skeptical of us moving in together so soon but it was the best decision I’ve ever made!

    Post # 13
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    Mostly related to my age, since I’m in my early 20s.  However, I think if I saw the same thing, I’d have the same opinion.  It’s weird, if I weren’t me I’d probably be skeptical of how longlasting a relationship would be.  I knew my Fiance for years, friends for years, and dated for a year and a half before he proposed.  I think I can understand both perspectives.

    Post # 15
    Member
    104 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    My fiance and I were only together about 9 months before getting engaged. Our wedding will fall almost exactly 9 months after the engagement, so all in all we have moved pretty fast. The only thing that maybe kept us from getting a ton of negative comments is that we knew each other and were classmates for 4 years while we were in grad school (We had classes together nearly every single day). Still, we got our fair share of rude and less than enthusiastic comments when people first found out we were engaged. We tried not to let it get to us-I guess because we are just confident enough in our feelings for each other that it doesn’t really matter. It does stink to have others shoot down a small piece of your happiness, though ๐Ÿ™ 

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